The quest for happy imperfection…

That’s right, I’ve been banished to the world of BGBs- big girl bras. I finally faced the music that my cups were most certainly runneth overing, and went to bu new bras the other night. I’m a DD now. Okay, so I’m probably closer to a DDD, but Target just didn’t go that far, and you don’t exactly go seeking out that kind of humiliation. So, yes. My cute 32Ds have blossomed into overly large jugs. Not that it’s that particular size that’s so awful, but that that size is so awful on me. And the fact that my girls are no longer celebrated, they’re repressed. No lace, no cute prints, no sexy styling. No no, when you get to the BGBs, the pinnacle of “cute” is a slightly pink flesh tone and a half-hearted bow on your three inch wide shoulder strap. I swear, the straps on some of these bad boys are more padded than the straps on my backpack! Yes, I know, there are specialty stores that can satisfy my urge for something sexy. I’m not interested. I refuse to invest more than ten dollars in a temporary breast holder, and, I refuse to give in to the idea that I don’t fit into “normal” stores. And don’t even mention VS- the last time I was there they tried to tell me I was a 32B. Huh? We call that delusional.

Well, how goes the rest of it? Not good, not bad. I’m kind of quasi stalling. I gained back up some to 190 last week, and this morning I finally brought it down to 188. I’m REALLY hoping to see 187.5 tomorrow, but I’m doubtful it will happen. Right now I think I’m just feeling really pessimistic about weightloss in general. I’m just feeling really crappy about the way I look, and feeling relatively hopeless. I’ve lost close to ten pounds and I don’t see or feel a difference. And, I feel like I just have such a long way to go. Ugh. Part of me thinks that hey, maybe losing weight isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Maybe I can be the girl to bring the sexy back and make mumus fashionable. Maybe chubby chasing is where it’s at. (Sidebar: chub chasing is a hilarious phrase, I mean, the fact that we’re chubby shows we’re probably not running anywhere, no need to chase!) Then again, no, not really. So, tomorrow I’ll get up and start again. The weather has been off and maybe my stars got back into alignment (I’m pretty sure that I function better when they’re not aligned!) Who knows. I guess the only thing I can do is take it one day at a time.

Tomorrow night I’m driving to the Bay Area to see my mom and sis. Hopefully that can like jumpstart me back into things. I think that next week is going to be a good one for me, especially because I’m determined to get back to the gym. I’ve been totally inactive and feel like my muscles are going to atrophy. Either that, or I’m going to continue to become one with the couch, in which I will eventually grow into it as an extension of myself. Creepy. With that pleasant thought on my mind, I’m off to bed with the hope that I can motivate myself to get up early and take Sierra out before work.