The quest for happy imperfection…

others see it as half full. Me? I’m just happy to have a glass!

Today was a pretty good day. The whole scale thing was a little iffy… we won’t discuss numbers today… but, we’re back in black, er, on track.

I started off with a good breakfast of scrambled eggs with just a teensy teensy bit of cheese. Super yummy. Added in a pear, also good. Snacked on some carrot sticks with ranch made from lowfat sour cream. Lunch was some super yummy gnocchi from Trader Joes. It has marinara sauce and mozzarella- amazing. Highly reccommended. And, at only 170 calories a cup, can’t be beat! Originally, I was going to have 2 cups but was full before I finished the first one.  I also cooked up some yellow squash with just a teensy bit of olive oil and garlic salt. Then, topped the whole thing with a delicate sprinkling of parmesan cheese I added in a glass of milk and was very satisfied. (As a side note, I don’t include milk in my daily calories. I find that when I do, I don’t drink it because I would rather spend 90 calories on somehting else. So nowadays I allow myself a calorie free glass a day) In the afternoon, I had a fruit leather. Dinner was some sweet and sour shrimp stirfry from Trader Joes, and 2 french truffles. I did snack on a pack of peanut butter crackers later on though. Overall though, I came in about 500 calories under goal. Normally, I wouldn’t aim that low. However, I’m giving myself some leeway to be able to thoroughly enjoy some super nummy Thai food tomorrow night. I was surprised, however, at how easy it was to go so low. Definitely wouldn’t do it on a regular basis though.

I was also good and got in a nice 20 minute walk with Sierra today at lunch. Half of it was uphill too. So, a nice little workout. I got all gussied up to go to the gym tonight… but, it was not to be. It seems I’ve already been dropped from the class due to my inactivity. Oops! Well, the 6 week class starts next week. But, until then, I need to figure out how to get in my 5k workouts. So, I drove around town and scoped some sidewalks (yes, only in Tahoe do you have to look for sidewalks, and streetlights for that matter) and now I have a couple of routes to choose from. We’ll see how it goes.

 I did have a great victory today. I beat cupcakes. My coworker brought in a lovely collection of chocolate cupcakes with pink frosting and sprinkles. The pink icing called to me. I wanted one. Or five. But, I held back. I knew that I could easily fit one into my calories for the day. But this was about more than calories. This was about self-control, and actually exercising it. I knew that the cupcake wouldn’t be that good- I wanted it but I wouldn’t have craved it if it wasn’t there. And, it was important to show myself that I could walk away from such a tasty, delectable little morsel. There were a couple times I nearly bit them all in half, if for nothing more than to stop them from taunting me. At the end of the day, I didn’t have any of them, and I was still happy. Even more importantly, I had a reason to be proud of myself.

Today’s reason to keep fighting the good fight: Because I never want to be out of breath walking up stairs again. Especially when it’s only one flight!

Well, so far we have lost:

9.5 pounds

4 socks, one beanie, a pen, a steak knife handle, and three erasers. (Courtesy of my most adorable piece of fitness equipment)

My fear of running

A couple inches

Supreme love of fast food

And, most of my truly detrimental food cravings

That’s where we are right now. And, hallelujah, it seems the cloud o’ funk has lifted. I can’t say that I really did anything tio keep it at bay, other than ride it out. But I made it. My first real bout of doubt and loathing. I’m getting back on track, and I’m excited to start this week off on the right running foot.

So, the scale is moving down again, depsite the fact that I haven’t done anything to encourage it to do so. On Saturday, the scale read 187- a new low and 9.5 pounds away from my starting point. I’m choosing to not consider this my weight until I’ve seen it or lower for a few days in a row. But, I am dangerously close to having lost ten pounds. Excise me as I throw myself a mini party.

I haven’t really gotten in any exercise this week, and haven’t even walked poor Sierra as much as I should have. Good thing she’s adorable, because she’s driving me nuts. Though, she can’t help it. She looks at me with thoe big brown eyes that say “I can’t help it! I’m part Border Collie. I should be herding sheep! You can’t blame me for chasing the kitties!” Then again, one of the cats totally torments her. Steps on her, chases her, bats at her. Sticks her paw in her food bowl when she’s trying to eat. Eats her food. She almost got her little butt eaten the other night though, she tried to take Sierra’s bone. A nice, fresh, knuckle bone from the butcher. Love only goes so far.

But, it all goes to show me that, yes, exercise is about more than losing weight. This week I HAVE to get going on my 5k training. And you know what the sad thing is? I like running. I actually am starting to really enjoy it. But, I just can’t make myself put my shoes on, dig out the uniboob sports bra and go. This week, I will. It all seems to be timed just right. The 5k is March 30th, which is just enough time to finish training for the 5k and start training for the sprint distance triathlon in June. I figure as long as I keep myself working towards a goal I’ll ge in good shape. (Hardy-har). I know it’s a lot to aim for for my first year of getting back in shape, but I’ve always been someone who is all or nothing. I’ve done nothing (that got me fat) so I figure might as well try all.

Food hasn’t been so great over the past few days. But, I did work on kind of paying attention. DH and I went out to dinner at Hard Rock Cafe the other night. We had a big odl appetizer sampler, I had soem sort of BBQ duo, and we shared dessert. Definitely over calories for the day- probably just in that meal alone. But, we hadn’t been out to dinner in a month or more, due to crazy work schedules. And, even more importantly, I was realtively smart about it. No, I didn’t order a salad (eew), I ordered what I wanted. But, I was careful to only eat what I was hungry for. When dessert came, I only ate a few bites. Normally I would feel guilty that we had just paid like 8 bucks for a brownie sundae I barely touched, but I really wanted the sundae, and only ate what I wanted. There is a silver lining to the whole thing.

Progress, even if it’s slow, is still progress.

Today’s reason for choosing the “road less traveled”: I want to be able to stand at the finish line of a race, sweaty, exhausted, and smiling- knowing I did something I previously thought was impossible.

leanmoomercows- Thanks for the encouragement!  I’m glad to know I’m not the only one like me though. While other people are the kind to keep the world spinning, we’re the kind who keep the people on it from attacking eachother with pitchforks. It was actually really hard to think of the list though- not because I’m particularly down on myself, or suffer from low self esteem. I’ve just not thought of myself in that way. You should totally try it though. No fair copying though

Mizu- Thanks for the good words. You know, the sad thing is that, once I get to the gym, I love it. In my 5+ years of being a gym rat (now I’m more like a gym ground squirrel) I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve had to really push myself to finish a workout (other than from being extremely tired or sore). I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to fight myself to go. Weird huh?