Attitude adjustment. February 7, 2008
Yesterday was not a good day. Not one bit. Nothing “bad” happened, the sky didn’t fall, it just wasn’t a good day. And those are the worst kind. Where you can’t figure out what’s upsetting you or why you feel like everything is going wrong. Apparently my irrational crazy mood swing is coming the week after TOM. But I spent all day waffling between apathetic and pissed off or worried about somethign totally nonexistant or specific. My attitude about my weightloss took a major downturn as well. I was thisclose to drowning my sorrows in a heart attack sack. But I didn’t. And for that, I’m choosing to be proud of myself. I spent all day not feeling hungry, but feeling the massive desire to eat. Which sucks. I just didn’t feel like exercising, didn’t feel like fresh tasty ingredients. I wanted something fried within an inch of its life.
I kept reminding myself that I wasn’t happy then. I’m much happier now, gym time is me-time! Why am I fighting me-time? I’ve enjoyed much better food int he past month than all last year? Why am I fighting for nondescript, run of the mill, garbage? Why? Because, it’s easy, and I’m comfortable with it. I’m also not feelign really spectacular about losing weight. I feel like it just isn’t happening, and now the scale is responding with a nyahnyahnyahnyah. Not cool.
So, I gave myself a homework assignment. 5 things I like about myself that have nothing to do with my weight or appearance. (originally I said ten things… but, I just wasn’t able to pull that out. 5s a good a start) This is especially difficult because, in our society, self deprecation is accepted and even encouraged. Fault finding within oursleves is like a social event where we all chime in together and have a grand ole time bashing the hell out of ourselves. Speaking positively of ourselves is considered arrogant or conceited. And so, speaking kindly of myself is a pretty difficult thing to do. Nevertheless, 5 things I like about myself:
1. I have a pretty damn good sense of humor. I can always find something to giggle about, and I’m gentically predisposed to laughing with only the slightest encouragement.
2. I’m smarter than the average stick. I got through college on the honor roll in three years, and don’t just have to nod blankly in intelligent conversations.
3. I’m honest. I’m not a good liar. I’m honest with who I am, what I stand for, and what I’m doing. I don’t try to pretend to be someone I’m not (I consider that a form of dishonesty) and I’m always upfront with everything.
4. I’m a great cook. I can take on just about any recipe, and love coming up with more on my own. I make the best chocolate cake you’ve ever eaten. I also make a legendary cheeseburger.
5. I am a very positive person. I almost always see the good in every situation and every person. I don’t take life too seriously and genuinely believe that everything will always work out in the best possible manner.
There you have it. Oddly enough, this post was harder to write than a previous post where I wrote all of my embarrasing things that make me me. Weird, huh? But, I found that it has put me in a much better frame of mind. The frame of mind that doesn’t make me want to dive face first in a pile of pies.
And, as one last feel good hippie adjustment- my daily reason for not choosing the easy button:
Because I want to stand at the top of the Tahoe Rim Trail and look down on the whole Tahoe basin.
I hate those days; you just feel so lethargic and melancholy for no reason. I try my best not to dive for the chocolate candy bars and Fritos at the grocery on those days. It’s so hard. I tend to chew lots of gum on those days.
I love that you made this list; I should try something like this. Then I started to think; my list would probably be exactly the same as yours. Honestly! I’ve got a big sense of humor and can never find a day where I’m not laughing. I’m smart too; I went through high school & college with straight As (before I dropped out to move, long story though). And I too don’t just nod along to intelligent conversation. I’m also honest. If you don’t like, then you don’t like me; and I probably don’t need you in my life. I try to be as nice as I can with my honesty, but it’s just who I am. I’m a good baker (can’t cook worth a damn though, there’s our difference). I love cakes and cupcakes and brownies. And most people love my treats (good…less for me to eat!!). Annnnd I’m extremely positive person! I have my pessimistic days, don’t get me wrong, but most people come to me if they want a smile or laugh. And that’s what I’m known for amongst my friends…my humor and positivity.
So basically, I’d just need to copy and paste your list onto my blog if I did an entry like this. Oh, but I’d replace “cook” with “bake”. But that’s wonderful you’re learning to love parts of yourself that aren’t physical. It helps create a healthier relationship with yourself; which is always great! =]
I never liked the treadmill. I know what you mean as it started out as ‘me’ time, but after awhile it sort of de-evolved into ‘prison sentence’. The kind where you know you have to do it at that time of the day, but you really don’t want to? Being apathetic and pissed off while muddling around on the ‘why’ part of it all doesn’t help either, and believe me… I’ve been there too.
I guess the best advice I can give (if you want any at all, truthfully) is that you just need to hang in there and tomorrow will be better! You also completed a very handy exercise in listing all the ways you are a great person and why you are worthwhile because yes, our society is full of self-deprecation. I agree you are very smart and have a great sense of humor! You also seem honest to me, and you list a lot of good things you make from time to time. Also, you always have something good to say (even about yourself, like now), so that just proves all your points are true. You rock!