The quest for happy imperfection…

So I was watching MTV TrueLife the other night. Not normally something I watch. But the show was called “I’m happy being fat” or something like that. So I DVRed it (hate commercials) and watched it. Now, I’m not sure how to feel.

So the basic gist is that there are three people who are significantly overweight, and happy about it. One is a 340 pound gal in her early 20s, another is a guy in his later 20s who’s like 500 pounds and a college gal who is bigger ( I don’t remember her weight, prob mid 200s+) who was starting a size acceptance movement on her college campus. The whole show was really a little distressing to me. The one 340 pound gal kept saying how she was beautiful and loved being big and blah blah that she was healthy and just because  she was overweight didn’t mean she was unhealthy, etc. She later got a physical and found that she was prediabetic and had mild hypertension. Which was a pretty big deal since she was only 25 or so.

The whole size acceptance movement thing is what started to bother me. I have no problem with people being confident and happy with themselves at whatever size they are. In fact, I think that, to some degree, successful weightloss can only come from some degree of self-confidence. But this whole “there’s no problem with being 300 pounds” thing bugs me. Big time. I’m not saying that you can’t be attractive at a larger size. But, it’s about more than that. I work in the medical field and I see how weight affects people as they get older. I work in the home health and hospice office and I can tell you that our overweight patients take longer to recover from surgery, suffer from more infections, their wounds don’t heal as well, etc. Not to mention, many of them require more joint and orthopedic surgeries. Don’t even get me started on the complications from hypertension, diabetes, high cholesterol, etc.  And so I can’t accept the whole “I’m okay and you’re okay our bodies are beautiful and we’re not changing” thing. The whole “the world must adapt to us” mentality bugs me. No, I will never find being 400 pounds beautiful. You know why? Because it’s unhealthy. In the same way, I will never find it beautiful to be 5′10″ and 95 pounds.   

And how come the current size acceptance movement is directed solely at larger people? Isn’t size acceptance all about accepting the fact that people come in all shapes and sizes? Why is it then that it’s earmarked with things like “real women have curves”? What about those women who have naturally boyish figures? Are they not “real women”? Why aren’t we pushing to help accept their body as well? Why is it that the only size we have to accept is plus-sized? How come losing weight is seen as a negative, even if it’s health related?

My idea of size acceptance? Healthy bodies. How about  “I’m healthy at a size 10 or a size 6, but I’d like to be a size 6″ “That’s great! I’m healthy at a size 14 or 12, but I’d like to be a 14. Let’s work together!” Then throw in a “Hey, I’m a size 22, and it’s unhealthy for me. I’d like to hit a healthy size 16″ “Okay, we can help!” Why can’t we think “Wow, she’s beautiful. She’s a size 12 and has great curves” “she’s beautiful at a size 2, look how fit she is!” How come our definitions of beauty and health have nothing to do with eachother? There are several healthy sizes for every woman, why can’t all of them be equally beautiful?

And while I’m on the sort-of subject… can we stop the weighloss martyrdom? I mean seriously, get off the cross and we’ll use the wood to build a bridge and help you get over it. The whole “you only have x amount of pounds to lose, you should be lucky” sneer, the “you can’t possibly know how I feel” the “I have to work so much harder” superiority complex thing is old. Really old. At the start of my journey, I had a little over 50 pounds to lose. Some women have 5. Some women have 200. My journey isn’t any harder or any easier than either one of them. But losing 200 pounds is harder you say? No, not really. It just takes more time. Sure, some people lose weight more readily than others. But this isn’t a pissing contest. Not to mention, this isn’t a contest. You don’t get more fat-free, taste-free brownie points in heaven because you lost more weight than someonelse.

The whole “I would kill to be your size, you should be happy” comment? Not okay. Accept the fact that every single woman, regardless of size, has struggled with how she feels about her body. Just because you’re larger than someonelse does not make you more entitled to be unhappy. It doesn’t give you the right to belittle someonelse’s struggles and label them as less valid than your own. Your low self-esteem does not make you unique. Quit wearing it like a badge of honor.

And, why are we defining our liveswith our weightloss efforts or struggles? Sure, it can feel all-consuming. But when it comes down to it, if writing your life-story, weightloss should be a very small portion of it. If it isn’t, it’s time to reevaluate what other interests you have. Maybe add a few. Most of us have, at some point or another, tried to lose weight. Some of us have spent longer doing so than others. Nevertheless, weightloss should not be the most important thing in your life. Throughout the time you’re losing weight, good and bad things will happen, big and small. Let those be the guiding points of that chapter of your life- not salad 7 days in a row.

So, now that we’ve equated beautiful with healthy, stopped the “how many pounds do you have to lose” pissing contest, and stopped defining ourselves by our weight loss, can we get off our crosses and on our treadmills? K thanx.