The quest for happy imperfection…

… and what a strange place it is! First off, I didn’t weigh myself today. I’m such a weirdo that I have to weigh myself at the same time every day, and if I don’t, well, I just don’t go there.

So I skipped breakfast today. Yes, I know, a healthy living taboo. But, I wasn’t hungry, and I’m trying to listen to my body’s requests. (Save that nagging demond for pastries and/or brownies) Anyways, I got up around 10:30 (a great feeling. And people tell me that I should have kids… and miss sleeping in?) drug my carcass to Long’s, and bought myself a snowshovel. (I know, I’m probably the only person in Tahoe who didn’t have a snowshovel. But after having three of them stolen last winter, I was trying to holdout in protest, perhaps a vain hope that the guilty party would return them. Alas, the snow piling up insisted that I put my “hell no I won’t go!” sign down and buy a damned shovel.) I then spent an hour shoveling out my driveway.

An amazing thing happened while I was shoveling my driveway… I liked it! I felt strong, empowered, independent. I chucked that snow like there was no tomorrow. People driving by just slowed down and stared- apparently everyone but me has a snowblower, and shoveling out a 40 foot long driveway is a total anomoly. Either that, or, considering that the snow was still falling, they were all marveling at my exercise in futility. I turned up my iPod, gave a couple shovel swirls, and did a little mini dance. Who needs a snowblower? I AM the snowblower. In my head, I decided that at the end of this winter, hubby and I should set aside the money we would spend on a snowblower, and spend it on me. I am, afterall, just as efficient, less smelly, and (slightly) less bulky. Down the street, one of my neighbors is out in her perfectly coordinated workout suit, pushing her snowblower with one hand and drinking a Starbucks in the other. I had to laugh, I felt bad. She was missing out on a great workout, a chance to be one with the snow. Then again, considering she looked like Snowblower Barbie, she probably needed a cookie more than a workout. But still.

For lunch I had two small potatoes with some light sour cream and a couple French’s onions (not just for greenbean casserole!) a Whip yogurt, and a 100 calorie pack of Doritos. Yeah, I could have worked in some more veggies, and some more protein. But, I didn’t overeat. Small steps for womankind, my friends. 

I then proceeded to practically pass out for a couple hours. Apparently, something about snowstorms makes me want to hibernate. Which is ironic, because I’m pretty sure that’s what I’ve been doing for the past year or so. But that’s neither here nor there. Let me tell you, napping is glorious. Right up there with popcorn.  After I woke up, I spent an hour or so watching Food Network and playing around with recipes on CookingLight. Quite inspiring. Plus, I’m unstoppable. I mean, I shoveled my whole driveway. So I put on my apron and went to work in the kitchen.

Granted, I only made tacos. But, I made them even though it was just me, though I passed on the cilantro pesto butternut squash (hubby was snowed in on the mountain again). And, I was excited about making them. I even made them with a homemade blend of spices, scoffing at the Lawry’s packet that begged me to use it. Now, I know, it’s not like I’m really reaping any health benefits by blending my own spices. But, it’s more important than that. I’m getting back to my surpreme love of food. Not my love of food like facedown in a plate of cookies love of food. My love of food in that I love to create in the kitchen. I love to blend flavors and make delicious food. And now, here’s my relatively brief soap-box moment. Why can’t loving food be considered a good thing? Why does it have to be associated with being heavy? Why can’t we eat healthy BECAUSE we love food? I mean, if you think about it, loving food generally isn’t what causes people to be overweight. Generally, people gain weight because they make poor food choices. But, if people learned to LOVE food, they’d be reaching for better options. If you love food, you’re not reaching fast or processed food. You’re reaching for fresh ingredients that are prepared in ways that compliment their intrinstic flavors. So, people of  America, put down the fries. You don’t really love fries. You reach for them because they’re easy, and baited with unhealthy fats and unnatural amounts of salt. You’re reaching for the fries because you think you love them. Put the fries down, and reach for fresh produce, lean meat, and get creative. Okay, down from my soapbox… for now.

Long story short, tacos were tasty, and I feel excited about cooking for the first time in quite awhile. After dinner I went to leave for a friend’s house, only to discover something awful. Caltrans had burmed me in. For those of you not in the snow-know, a burm is an insurmountable wall of snow left on the side of the road by inconsiderate plow drivers who think that your pristine driveway is a great resting place for the snow they’ve pushed off the road. Now, at this point, snow had also fallen all day, and my nicely cleared area was covered in about 8 inches of snow. Now those of you that have not encountered the burm before are probably thinking “oh, it’s just more snow, free workout!” But no. This is not the easy to move powder that coats everything else. This is evil snow, reminiscent of its malificent origins. It is crusty, full of dirt, rocks, etc., and totally frozen. That’s right, the evil plow drivers not only marred my nice shoveling job, but boxed me in with a wall of nasty ice. Those jerks. So I chip away at enough of it to be able to get my car out and keep my shovel in car, just in case the evil plow driver comes back while I’m gone.

Well, the plow driver didn’t come back while I was gone, but I had a good amount of snow piled on top of my previously pristine driveway. So I decided, hey, why not? Despite the fact that it was ten at night, I spend another hour shoveling. I am woman, see me shovel!!! Not only did I feel strong, but attractive. Which is funny, considering that ther eis nothign attractive about a bright yellow jacket, a man’s t-shirt, jeans tucked into your boots, and wet hair plastered all over your face.   Oh yeah, that’s hot.  But, I just kept looking at how much I had accomplished, and didn’t come inside until it was completely cleared. All in all, I burned 1,057 calories shoveling snow. I think that’s a pretty good start for my first “real” workout in a month or so.

To make things even better, I finally got the bath right. The temperature was just right, the tea was amazing, the level of bubbles perfect. Ahh.. heaven.

Well, the good news is that I’m down half a pound from the all-time high. Whew. Now once again, I’m totally aware that it’s water weight. But hey, that’s still half a pound farther from a dangerous milestone. Water weight or no water weight, atleast it’s in the right direction.

And, for the first time in more than a week, I wasn’t embarassed to enter my foods into my daily plate. Three cheers for that. It wasn’t perfect, but, once again, we’re trying to stay away from the p word. We started off strong, had some pumpkin oatmeal and a peach yogurt for breakfast. I must admit, I absolutely love pumpkin oatmeal- as long as I don’t look at it too long. Great taste, color and consistency… not so appealing. From there, we glided into the morning snack (a nice 100 calorie bag of popcorn and some crystal light). Can I just say how much I love popcorn? I mean, really. I would marry popcorn. As long as my husband wouldn’t get too jealous, and the state of California allowed bigamy. But, I’m totally amazed at the sheer amount of popcorn you can eat for 100 calories. It’s just amazing. Lunch I had a cheeseburger from the hospital caf and just a little bit of pasta salad. I didn’t get my veggies in before lunch, but I got them in after.

After lunch is where things got a bit questionable. It turns out that the storm we were anticipating is, in fact, pretty big. We got rain, more rain, and then, for a change of pace, heavy wind and snow.  So after work I head over to a coworker’s house because she still has my house key after she looked after the deadly rodent-annhilating kitties. That’s where things went a little off the map. She had tortilla chips (my kryptonite) and hot chocolate made with steamed milk. MMM. I also proceeded to have another cheeseburger for dinner.

Hubby was snowed in on the mountain, and cooking, new recipe and all, isn’t quite as fun solo. So, the cilantro pesto butternut squash with chicken tacos will have to wait. Which is kind of a bummer, because I was looking forward to trying out the knife in hand suggestion to cut the giggles. (Get it, haha. “cut” the giggles). I guess I could have proceeded with the recipe on my own, but, if I have to try it, so does he. Besides, I don’t trust that squash. It’s up to something, I can tell. The way it sits there, looking healthy yet flesh-colored. Totally not normal. So, tomorrow night it will meet its demise, when I have backup in case it tries something funny. Or in case it tastes disgusting and I can make him try it first.

Once again, I didn’t get any exercise in. Unless you count stumbling around in the snow to dust off my car as exercise. But, tomorrow I plan on shoveling out my driveway. I know you’re jealous. Plus, my gym membership over at the college will start again next week, and I’ll be able to exercise in the relative comfort of warmer than 22 degrees. Right now I’m mulling over what I’ll start with, maybe looking at a treadmill vigorously for twenty minutes? Hmm.

Well, it seems that this whole bubble bath thing is much more complicated than it sounds. Since the night before last was too cold, I naturally tried to correct that last night. And the result? I’m pretty sure that the half pound I lost was due to the skin I scalded off. So, I added some cold water. Which helped, a little bit, but not enough. So I added a tray of ice cubes. Which didn’t really help the temperature, but, mixed with my mango madness bubblebath, caused me to feel like a pineapple garnish in a giant’s mixed drink. At leats my relaxing tea was really good, though, too cold compared to my boiling bath water. And that’s what I don’t get. I have a college degree, and yet, I can’t get bathwater right. I guess there are some subjects that just aren’t taught enough these days. But, I’m giving it another go-round tonight.  What’s the deifnition of insanity again? Yeah, that’s right- doing the same thing over and over and expecting  different results. And so, I’m off. We’ll give it another spin.

Well, today’s scale brought a large disappointment- me! I was up a pound from previous all-time high, and dangerously close to a weight milestone that I don’t want any part of.  But, forgiveness is the name of the game, and I’m choosing not to focus on a number. My life will not be controlled and my moods will not be dictated by an angry little scale. Instead, I’m considering this a push off point to trigger life-altering changes. 

 So, food was not so good today. Apparently those “life altering changes” haven’t taken place yet. No breakfast, Taco Bell for lunch, and McDonalds for dinner. Eww. Let’s all repeat the cliche- a failure to plan is a plan to fail. I still hadn’t gone grocery shopping and other than a pack of phyllo dough (don’t ask) and one cheesestick, my fridge was completely empty.

I had great intentions of spending a little bit of time on the trampoline tonight. But, those intentions were donated to the “build a longer road to hell” project. Grocery shopping totally wore me out. Now some of you are thinking “wow she must be in bad shape to be tired from grocery shopping” Not so. I mean, I am out of shape, however, I have failed to mention the battlefield that was Safeway tonight. See, the weather folk are predicting a massive storm to come in tonight or tomorrow. Some are even saying “the mother of all storms” I, for one, think this is a complete exaggeration. It’s going to be windy, and whiteout-ey, but I don’t think we’re really going to get more than a couple feet. Nevertheless, not everyone feels the same way, evidenced by the fact that I just went grocery shopping with everyone in the Northern California region. It was ugly. There wasn’t a single banana or tortilla to be found in the store. (I wasn’t shopping for either one of those items, but there were rumblings of a mutiny concerning their absence). Entire freezer cases were empty, there was only one gallon of milk left, and I’m pretty sure I saw a soccermom auctioning off the last jar of peanut butter.  They were also completely and totally out of bottled water, which I found pretty funny because, snow is essentially water (and melting it is free!), and we really don’t have much to worry about pipes freezing. But, ah, the mob mentality and mass hysteria can be quite enjoyable to some. So, after rounding up my prey, I proceeded to wait in a mile long line that ended at the opposite end of the store, where I huddled in the egg case until it was my turn.

But, my massive undertaking paid off. My fridge is completely stocked with half the produce section and a nice little selection of yogurts. (Okay, maybe the selection is pretty limited, considering I had to practically punch some big guy in the throat to get the last few containers left. ) I officially brought home my food of the week- butternut squash. My plan for trying this new, foreign food is to try making it three ways (soup, roasted, and with cilantro pesto) Thus, requiring three of the odd looking vegetables. Which, in turn, caused the checker to look at me like I was taking this whole storm-stocking-up-thing way too far. But, c’est la vie. Unfortunately, my husband seems to think that they are rather phallic looking, and bursts into a bona fide gigglefest everytime he sees one. And if I happen to be holding it? Don’t get me started.

I also instituted yet another stage of the grand plan. I chopped up a nice salad full of veggies, and plan to have a cup before lunch and dinner. One of my goals is to always keep a big veggie salad on hand for snacking or pre-meal. It seems to take me quite awhile to register that I’m full, and so a nice starter for each meal should help. I didn’t forget breakfast either (one of my biggest setbacks) and mixed up a nice batch of pumpkin oatmeal.  I’ll have a bit of that with some of my fight-worthy yogurt and a peice of fruit. Much better than this week’s nonexistant breakfasts, or nibbling on pieces of my particleboard desk.

Bubble bath, take 2, went much better. Unfortunately, I didn’t get my water hot enough, and considering that we only get hot water for ten minutes, it was one of those one chance to get it right kidn of things.So, I only stayed in for five minutes or so. Though, this bath was uneventful, quite bubbly, and rodent free. So, a huge success. Tonight I’m adding in proper bubblebath (mango something or other) and a nice cup of herbal tea. I’m starting to get the hang of this after all. Now, if only exercise were so easy… or relaxing…

So, admittedly, I haven’t really gotten around to working on any of my goals today. Yep. I’m lazy. I still haven’t been grocery shopping since I got back from Missouri (which was a great trip- and it actually made me want to eat healthy! Four whole days without a single non-casseroled or cheese topped veggie can make ‘most anyone crave a salad). And, my gym membership doesn’t start until next week. Now, I know, I could exercise outside. Could. But, I live in a town without street lights or sidewalks, and it’s dark by the time I get home. Before I go to work, it’s cold. Like, freezing cold. And I don’t throw that term around lightly- it’s actually cold enough to turn water into ice. And I don’t want any part of that.

But, I did organize my pantry/closet of doom. So I was moving around for a good hour and a half, which is certainly an improvement over my normal couch-ridden status. There’s something to be said about a good cleaning. As a self-professed clutter magnet, there’s a certain joy in knowing that you have dominated the mass. For now.  I made a nice little place for the trampoline in there too. Not because I don’t plan on using it, but because I’m too embarassed for anyone to see the silver and orange monstrosity that continues to taunt me mercilessly.

I did make “progress” on one of my goals though. Last night I did take a bubble bath. Normally, I would use the phrase “relaxing bubble bath.” Notice I did NOT use the word relaxing. That’s right, because I almost died. Let me set the scene. I go into the bathroom, light a couple of candles, and start running some nice hot water. Then, it dawns on me that I don’t have any bubblebath, so I start rummaging through my cabinets for some extra shower gel or something of the sort. Mind you, this cabinet faces away from the bathroom door, and I’m in a rather vulnerable pre-bath state. Then *BAM* the bathroom door flies open and my husband comes barging in yelling “STOPP!!” I damned near fell out the bathroom window. To which he responds “oh, did I scare you?” Um, yes! That was one way to get the ole heart rate up! Well he goes on in his hurried state telling me that I’m needed for a rescue mission and that we have a POW situation on our hands. In my post-heart attack state, this isn’t sinking in. Until my husband grabs a broom and runs downstairs, yelling for me to get the bucket. Crap.

That’s right, the cats had staged a war on the rodent population, and we had our first battle. So here I am, supposed to be taking a relaxing bubble bath, and instead, I am chasing a cat and frenzied mouse through my house in my cute robe and houseslippers. Let me tell you, when you have more than one cat, this turns into a sick and twisted game of keep away. As soon as you catch the ball-carrier, she drops it, and it’s immediately swooped up by another team member- who continues carrying it on towards the end zone. It was like a full on rugby match, that finally ended when I caught the gray one and held her upside down until she finally, begrudgingly, dropped her pray into DH’s hands. Better him than me. At this point, he was instructed to dispose of the corpse, and stay away from the bathroom under penalty of death.

Tonight I’ve rigged up an intricate barricade system, and have a roll of duct tape on hand for any man, cat, or rodent that makes it through. Wish them luck- I won’t need it. Operation bubble bath- take 2 is about to commence.

So not only did I fall off my wagon… but it just kept going on without me. So not only am I little sore (not too much, “luckily” I still have a quite a bit of cushioning to break the fall) but now I have to figure out how to catch up with it. Maybe more people will fall off and I can just follow the trail of bruised chubby people back to the wagon. Or maybe the people that are still on the wagon will be nice enough to leave me a trail of crumbs to follow. Maybe cookies… mmm. Wait, no, that’s how we got here. Not cookies. Maybe carrots. Yeah, carrots would be good. Anyone mind dropping a few?

 So today is the first day of the new year, and I know everyone is busy making new year’s resolutions that they’ll forget by tomorrow. I decided that I’m not going to do a resolution, because the word just doesn’t sound fun. And, I’ve never stuck with a resolution for longer than “ooh, that looks tasty!”. But, I think it’s important to set some goals. And so, without further ado, the things I want to achieve for the year.

My first bout of insanity is that I want to go 500 miles. Whether that be walking, running, swimming, kayaking, elipiticalling (hehe, that looks funny), snowshoeing, cross country skiing, skipping, waltzing, crabwalking, rolling, whatever. I want to use my body to move my body 500 miles.

I’ve also decided that I want to get rid of my “eew!” knee-jerk reaction to most vegetables. Or, new healthy food in general. So, this year, I want to broaden my horizons where food is concerned. Whether that be foods I’ve never tried before, or foods that I’ve tried but never really given a fair shake. Currently I have a list of right around 50 that includes things like hummus, lentils, leeks, turnips, grapefruits, and sweet potatoes. The only foods I can truly say that I refuse to try are lamb and artichokes. Lamb because, I mean, lambs! They’re way too cute to be eaten. And artichokes… well, I think it’s pretty clear that God doesn’t want us to eat them. I mean, if the scary exterior wasn’t enough, their absolutely revolting taste should convince the last few holdouts.

I’m going to start taking a bath every night before bed. Now, let’s get one thing clear- this isn’t a hygeine goal. I shower every single morning thank you very much. But, everyone needs a daily ritual that seems a little luxurious. Considering I don’t like wine, or caviar (which is another one of those foods I’m not willing to try again. Fish eggs that look more like fish poop? Pass!) I figure a nice bubble bath will fit the bill.

I’m going to turn off the TV all day on Sundays. Ouch. I may actually have to discover healthy methods of entertainment.

I want to complete atleast 3 of the 14 day hikes that make up the Tahoe Rim Trail.

I want to try rock climbing, kickboxing, spinning (on the bike, not in circles), cross country skiing, running (without something chasing me), and at home exercise DVDs.

In my quest to further enjoy healthy foods, I’m turning off the TV when I eat. What, talk to my husband? Crazy ideas.

I’m also instituting “meatless Mondays” in which livestock across the state will sigh in relief. Until Tuesday.

And, as a culmination of all of this insanity- I’m running my first 5k at the end of March, and aiming for my first sprint distance triathalon at the end of June.  I’m going big or going home. Well, I am home right now, but I still like the saying.

I don’t have a weightloss goal. I, naturally, would like to burn my fat pants (that have sadly, become my everyday pants). And I have a general, vague idea of where I’d like to be on the scale. But, I’m not going to make a result my goal, I’m going to make actions my goals. I’m just going to focus on enjoying the ride. Besides, I don’t want a number to determine my happiness.

I decided that the person I am doesn’t match the person I feel like I am. The person I feel like I am doesn’t feel right without a morning run and likes muesli with blueberries and fresh yogurt. I’m not there yet, but gosh darn it, I will be.

And so, in my continued pursuit of banishing the unwelcome inturder who is trying to live my life for me- on to the bubble bath!