The quest for happy imperfection…

Today was relatively blah. So, I’m reminding myself, and confessing to you guys, the stakes. At the end of last year, my mom made a proposition. If she, my sister, and I, could lose a collective 60 pounds, there would be a reward. That reward is a 7 day Mexican cruise, paid for by the madre. So, basically, if we can each lose 20 pounds before May 8th, we’ll be cruisin’ USA… er, Mexico.

So now I have double incentive. I want to lose weight so that I can go on a cruise. I also want to lose weight so that I can enjoy my cruise without having to wear a muumuu or other large piece of fabric in order to respect the other cruise guests. I’m dying to go to Mexico. Especially because it’s snowy and cold here. Laying in the sun, in my bikini that I actually look good in, looking out over the ocean while sipping a tropical drink… excuse me as I wipe the drool off my keyboard.

I figure that in order to be truly happy figure-wise, I need to lose about 6 pounds a month until the cruise. So far, we’re right on target.

Food was pretty good today. For breakfast I had a small scramble that I whipped up the other night. It had potatoes, eggs, and a little bit of sweet onion. I put a bit of ketchup on it as well. It was really good and satisfying. I enjoyed the subtle sweet spicy of the onion, the chewy texture of the potato, and the saltiness of the ketchup. I also had a banana, which was perfectly ripe. Yellow with some green on the tips. It was firm, sweet, but not too sweet. I snacked on some string cheese, which was very satisfying as well. I took a cue from the lovely round, and made sure to really enjoy it. It tasted creamy, and I loved getting to pull it apart into super thin little strings. Lunch was really good. Like, surprisingly good. I stopped by the hospital cafe and had green bean almondine, chicken dijon and mashed potatoes. The chicken was fabulous, it was lemony and mustardy, nice and tangy. It was cooked really nicely, very juicy, and there was just enough sauce to make it really tasty, without being overpowering. The green beans were great, steamed just enough to still be crispy, and the almonds added a chewy crunch. The mashed potatoes were good, lumpy, real, with skins still on. Creamy, salty, and just a little buttery. I made sure to leave some of them on my plate, though I’m sure I could have eaten them all. 

In the afternoon, I fell victim to the banana bread that was in the kitchen. But, I knew that if I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t eat it. Well, I loved it. It was moist, perfectly spiced, and tasted just like real, hearty banana. So I had a 1/4 of an inch slice and savored every bite.  When I got home, things got a bit shaky. We were trying to sort out what to eat for dinner and blah blah. So I had a pack of peanut butter crackers. I finally made dinner, and I had a wrap sandwich with trukey, light ranch, lettuce, center cut bacon, and some garlic jack cheese. Now, that was tasty. The ranch and garlic jack together were perfect, with some light spice and a nice deep flavor that perfectly complimented the crisp bacon and cool turkey. Afterwards, I tried my new 100 calorie dessert bars. I tried the NutterButter bar. Took one bite and evaluated. Cardboardy, unpleasantly chewy texture, mild peanut butter. Threw it in the trash. Tried the Oreo bar. Harsh, chemical, stiff, bland and yet awfully flavored. Threw it in the trash. Tried the Chips Ahoy bar. Gah! Ew! Spit! Threw it away as well.  Now, a month or so ago, I would have just eaten the first bar because, hey, 100 calories! But now, I’m unwilling to waste even 100 calories on food that doesn’t please me. I did grab a 100 calorie pack of Ritz mix. I love how some of the crackers are crumbly, the pretzels are crunchy, the cheese crackers are cheesy,a nd the chexy things are extra salty. I also grabbed one more pack of the peanut butter on those orange crackers. Yeah, I don’t have an excuse for that.

So I’ll close with some inspiration. The bikini, not the model. The ribby look doesn’t suit me and my boobs will ALWAYS be bigger than that. But, I like the bikini. Someday, I could look real good in that. Mhmm, yes I could. Hey, I have the hair already.

… but are anyway. Our Denny’s blew up. And that makes me giggle. I mean, I know, I shouldn’t laugh. But, no one was seriously hurt, and it was a freak accident (gas built up in the attic, nothing malicious or intentional). And the mental picture of our Denny’s blowing up is just very funny. (I’m imagining flying pancakes) I just can’t help but wonder if it’s a sign from God. Y’know, like, thou shalt not consume more than your daily reccomended calories in one meal alone. And thinking of that makes me giggle more.

So Denny’s blew up the weekend before last. Then, last Thursday, someone drove into the front of Subway with a Uhaul. What is going on here? It’s not safe to eat out in Tahoe anymore! I’ve since decided that God is trying to tell me to eat at home.

Today was pretty good. I weighed in at 192.5. As much as I would like to see more loss than gain, I’m okay with it. I always bounce between 1-2 pounds, and that bounce is getting lower. I had yogurt and a banana for breakfast and snacked on a string cheese. For lunch, I had my new favorite wrap- tortilla with turkey, center cut bacon, ligth ranch, lettuce, and the tiniest sprinkle of cheese. I had that with a cup of sugar snap peas and a 100 calorie pack of cheez-its. At work, I snacked on one Hershey’s kiss, and a delicious pear.  I also made an effort to get my water in, and I think that helped a lot.

After work, McDonald’s was calling to me like a siren song. My mouth cried out for salty fries. So when I left work, I made sure that I peeled out of the parking lot and made a bee-line in the opposite direction. On the way home, I realized that I really didn’t have anything appetizing waiting for me at home. So I swung by the Grocery Outlet. It’s one of those discount stores that the inventory is never the same, but the prices are good. Normally I don’t shop there (it’s very heavy on processed food) but it was on my way home. I picked up some awesome 100 calorie packs and desserts, which was a nice surprise. But I just couldn’t find anything I wanted for dinner. I still wanted McDonalds. Fine. If I wanted a burger and fries, that was fine. But I was going to make it. I grabbed some 96% lean ground beef, some seasoned fries, some whole wheat buns and went to town. Granted, dinner calories were higher than normal. But, it was still better for me than McDonalds, and probably lower in calories anyway. Overall, I still fit right in today, which makes me pretty happy.  I even had dessert- baked some frozen peaches with splenda and spices and topped with a bit of whipped cream. Super good.

As for things that rock- I cut down my mile time by 25 seconds from last time, which is 39 seconds faster than my first mile. And that’s an improvement over the course of  a week. I’m pretty excited. I even ran for about 45 seconds (6mph). It’s not fast by most standards, but considering I normally move at the speed of remote, I consider it pretty amazing. I followed that up with 35 minutes on the elliptical, and got in my weights for the first time. I did 3 sets of 12 reps for each, and my starting lifts are: 30 pounds for row, pec fly and rear delt. 45 for lat pull down and 20 for tricep push down. It’s embarrassing to see how low those numbers are, because I used to lift so much more. But, it’s a starting point, and I know that I finished each rep perfectly.  Total distance- 3.5 miles.  I’m sore. I’m butt tired. And that feels good.

 I’ve been keeping up with the nightly bath ritual. It’s given me a lot of time to reflect on my day and wind down and yadda yadda. Last night I found myself wishing I had some bath toys. Maybe a little rubber ducky, or a little boat. Better yet- maybe some of those markers that you can write on shower walls with. Hmm. Must look into this. I’ll probably have to go incognito when I buy them- being as I don’t have kids, that whole business might make me look creepy, or just really “special”. I could borrow a kid, but that probably puts me right back in the creepy category. Hm. I’ll think it over in my bath, while playing with my imaginary rubber ducky. But don’t tell anyone about that, I don’t want to look creepy, or “special”.