The quest for happy imperfection…

Today was another good day. Forgot to weigh in again, but, hey, that’s cool. Breakfast was yogurt, snacked on an orange. Had an egg salad sandwich, a teensy bit of pasta salad, and a couple bites of apple cobbler for lunch. Had an apple and a bean and cheese quesadilla for dinner. Had a whole wheat pancake for dessert.

I drove to the gym tonight, all ready to go. Too bad it was closed for the holiday! D’oh! But, I didn’t let that stop me. I went home and did an at home workout while watching a recorded rerun of the biggest loser. I traded off some cardio and some weights or balance exercises for each section of the show. And how did I get the cardio? That’s right. I rolled out the trampoline. And I can still dominate it. Not only that, I found something I like even less than the trampoline. Jump-roping. That is hell. I forgot how much I hated jumping rope- I used to have to do it for quickness training in soccer. Granted, I was 60 pounds lighter then, and didn’t have to worry about my stomach bouncing harder than my boobs. But still. Jumproping sucks. But I did it. And now I’m sore, which actually feels kind of nice.

Now, yesterday brought on an amazing change in my life. It had nothing to do with  my weight, my fitness, or any of that. But, it was the beginning of a life change. Let me back up. When I was in highschool, I lived with my dad and stepmom. Stepmom and I did not get along. To say that we had a bad relationship was an understatement. She would make me cry.  Just because she could. She would call me a bitch in front of my dad, just to see if he would do anything about it. (He never did, which, as you can imagine, strained my relationship with him) She belittled me every chance she got, but then would brag about my successes to her friends (though those successes were never enough when she was talking to me, or complaining about me to my dad.) She threatened to divorce my dad if he helped pay for my car, though she refused to drive me to work if she was home, even though our town didn’t have public transport (we lived in the ritzy neighborhood) and I worked more than 5 miles away. Finally, she threatened to divorce my dad if he helped pay for college (two months before I was supposed to start college, and after my dad had promised to pay for college from the time I popped out of the womb). Though I hate to admit it now, at some points in my life, I actually wished harm upon her. But, slowly, I realized that I could never change her. She would never apologize to me for anything (my dad confessed that in ten years of marriage, she’s never even apologized to him) She would never see anything wrong with anything she had ever said or done to me. The only thing I could change was my own attitude. And so, after I moved out, I worked on it. Little by little, I stopped hating her. Slowly, I could have conversations with her when I visited. Even more slowly, I began to realize that we had similar interests, and she was not, in fact, the anti-Christ. Now, a lot of change happened on her part as well. When we stopped living together, she stopped being so mean, and eventually, her and I developed a mini relationship. No girl talk, no movie dates, but I didn’t feel like knocking her teeth out every time I saw her.

Yesterday, things came to a head. Her and I spent time together, one on one. They had come up to visit, and my dad took the boys (my half-brothers) tubing while she and I drove around Tahoe looking at the cute neighborhoods. It was amazing. We didn’t talk about or do anything deep. But we spent time together, and actually enjoyed it. That’s probably one of the top ten NSVs I’ve had in my entire life so far. Maybe even top three.

But all of it just goes to support one of my strongest beliefs in life…

…. sometimes, the only thing in life that we can change is our attitude toward the unchangeable.

Overall, I feel as if I’m finally pulling a lot of loose edges in life together. I’ve decided to accept what I can, change what I can, and not kill myself doing either. So far, it’s working. And I’m finally enjoying the ride.