The quest for happy imperfection…

Well, once again, I missed my weigh-in window and skipped weighing in for today. Now, as motivating as it would be to see another loss, no matter how small, I also don’t want to feel tied down to the evil gray box.

I didn’t get any shoveling done today because, well, I just had other things to do. It didn’t snow much over the night and so it wasn’t a pressing issue. Plus, my neighbor was out shoveling his side of the drive, and I knew I wouldn’t have the privacy I need to really let loose and shovel dance Broadway style.

But, I did do a lot of purging, of the closet variety. I finally decided to quit hanging on to all those clothes I no longer fit into. For a couple reasons. 1. It’s flat out depressing when your closet has more clothes that don’t fit than clothes that do. I don’t need that kind of negativity to rain on my parade. 2. If I do lose the weight, the last thing I want is to go back to wearing old clothes. Hello, new designer wardrobe! 3. How do I know if they’re going to fit? I need to figure out what is realtistic for me now, not a few years ago. I don’t want to mar my success by not fitting back into something that maybe I was never meant to fit into. 4. Sometimes it just feels good to throw things out. I’m a firm believer that cleaning out closets gets rid of more than just physical clutter. Let’s be honest, it’s freeing and relieving to get rid of crap.

I also tackled our second bedroom- that room that, until now, has been used as nothing other than a storage closet and magnet for junk. Currently, all the junk has been brought out into the open and out from its hiding places. Consequently, it looks like a mini hurricane hit that room. But, it gets worse before it gets better. I put together a corner desk and a bookcase from Ikea, and I consider that my exercise for the day. Now, if you don’t consider that exercise, you’ve obviously never tried to assemble anything from Ikea and spent 2 hours searching the house for the missing wormy guy screw thing. (I think that culprit is feline, but CSI hasn’t completed their investigation.)

So, mission organization is underway. Mission stop eating like the world is running out of food is also going well. For breakfast I had some whole wheat pancakes with real butter and some brown sugar. They were delicious. And the fact that I let myself have them, guilt-free, butter and all, kept me at a moderate portion of just two pancakes. Besides, even if it was from a mix (Trader Joes all the way!), the act of mixing and cooking first thing in the morning set the mood for the rest of the day. I skipped lunch (breakfast was around 11) and snacked on a 100 calorie bag of popcorn in the afternoon. For dinner, I had leftover tacos. Afterwards I snacked on another bag of popcorn (yeah, I know. Need to back away from the PopSecret) a cheesestick and a Betty Crocker 150 calorie little microwave cake thing. And, I think I’m going to grab an orange in a few minutes here. Overall, I know that the quality of my food choices could be better. Much better. But, we’re wokring on this one step at a time. I didn’t get to my bad eating habits overnight, I’m not expecting to change them overnight. Besides, at this point, my portions are more out of control than my choices.

After dinner, I did proceed to show the squash who’s boss. I whipped up a fabulous butternut squash soup (the recipe can be found under my recipes category) and I’m quite pleased with the results. First, it tastes good. Second, I now like another vegetable that isn’t broccoli. And, once again, getting into the kitchen feels good. Cooking reminds me that I love food. My husband’s close friend has always said that when I think about food “good things happen.” I’m just glad that I can translate that into good things that are also good for you. Plus,  I’m proud of my ability to go back to cooking on the fly. I took a basic recipe, tweaked the spices a little, and even cut the calories down by more than half. Take that fast food! I even have a loaf of bread in the bread machine right now. Granted, it’s from a mix, but it’s ’bout time I used that thing for good instead of evil.

Speaking of good and evil, the great rodent battle of 2008 seems to be at a standstill. So far, all seems to be quiet on the Western front as the felines gloat in their victory. Unfortunately, the lack of rodents only seems to make them more determined to find other forms of mischief. The gray one has made it her life’s mission to get outside, and no amount of snow seems to deter her. The orange one, as usual, is trying to scavenge anywhere she can, today brought her to the kitchen sink. Le Sigh. Atleast my life will never be boring.

Well, we made a lot of progress, but, we also had a set back. No bath last night. As some may have noticed, (or not, who pays that much attention?) yesterday’s entry was actually completed this morning. That’s because my exuberant shoveling lead me to unexpectedly fall asleep in a most unattractive arms splayed, mouth gaping open maner.  When I woke up at three in the morning, totally unaware of my surroundings, I decided it would be more calming to simply go to bed than fret with finicky water temperatures.  But tonight, I’m working to bring it on home. As always, onwards and upwards!

1 butternut squash (I wish I had weighed it first, but they all seem to be roughly the same size)

1/4 cup sweet onion

1 can fat free reduced sodium chicken broth

1 shallot

2 cloves garlic

1/4 cup white wine

4 0z neufatchel cheese

1 1/2 tbsp butter

cayenne pepper

cumin

salt

nutmeg

marjoram

To start, heat oven to 350 degrees.  Slice squash in half lengthwise. Scoop out seeds. Rub each cut side with half tbsp of butter and sprinkle with salt. Roast in oven, cut side down, 35-45 minutes or until squash is roasted through.

Finely dice onion, garlic, and shallot. Put in food processor with white wine. Heat remaining butter in large saucepan. When butter is melted, add onion mixture and simmer until cooked through. Add can of chicken broth and keep at low simmer.

When squash is cooked, scoop out cooked squash and blend in food processor with neufatchel until smooth. Add squash mixture to broth mixture and continue simmering.

Here’s where things get a little dicey- add about 6 shakes cayenne pepper, 2-3 shakes cumin, 2 shakes marjoram and just one conservative shake of nutmeg. Add salt to taste. (I like mine salty, so I won’t tell you how much salt I added…)

Makes about 6 cups.  Approximately 125 calories per cup.   

 I’ll apologize in advance because my cooking methods are, well, neverperfect. I’m not particularly precise in my measurements, they usually include things like “2 shakes of this” or “a smidgen of that.” Which, is really because all food is adjusted to taste.  So, have fun with it. Change it as much as you like, I won’t be offended. Aren’t all recipes just starting points anyway?

Also, I live at high altitude. So if I’m posting a recipe for something baked, and you also live at altitude, consider yourself lucky! If not, I will try to put in regular altitude adjustments. As a general rule, in case I forget, double the leavening agent, subtract a little bit of liquid, and bake it 25 degrees hotter for a little bit less time. I wish I could be more exact for you… but, I’m not a chemist. Oh, and that doesn’t apply to cookies, but does apply to cakes, breads, etc. Once again, all recipes are just starting points.

… and what a strange place it is! First off, I didn’t weigh myself today. I’m such a weirdo that I have to weigh myself at the same time every day, and if I don’t, well, I just don’t go there.

So I skipped breakfast today. Yes, I know, a healthy living taboo. But, I wasn’t hungry, and I’m trying to listen to my body’s requests. (Save that nagging demond for pastries and/or brownies) Anyways, I got up around 10:30 (a great feeling. And people tell me that I should have kids… and miss sleeping in?) drug my carcass to Long’s, and bought myself a snowshovel. (I know, I’m probably the only person in Tahoe who didn’t have a snowshovel. But after having three of them stolen last winter, I was trying to holdout in protest, perhaps a vain hope that the guilty party would return them. Alas, the snow piling up insisted that I put my “hell no I won’t go!” sign down and buy a damned shovel.) I then spent an hour shoveling out my driveway.

An amazing thing happened while I was shoveling my driveway… I liked it! I felt strong, empowered, independent. I chucked that snow like there was no tomorrow. People driving by just slowed down and stared- apparently everyone but me has a snowblower, and shoveling out a 40 foot long driveway is a total anomoly. Either that, or, considering that the snow was still falling, they were all marveling at my exercise in futility. I turned up my iPod, gave a couple shovel swirls, and did a little mini dance. Who needs a snowblower? I AM the snowblower. In my head, I decided that at the end of this winter, hubby and I should set aside the money we would spend on a snowblower, and spend it on me. I am, afterall, just as efficient, less smelly, and (slightly) less bulky. Down the street, one of my neighbors is out in her perfectly coordinated workout suit, pushing her snowblower with one hand and drinking a Starbucks in the other. I had to laugh, I felt bad. She was missing out on a great workout, a chance to be one with the snow. Then again, considering she looked like Snowblower Barbie, she probably needed a cookie more than a workout. But still.

For lunch I had two small potatoes with some light sour cream and a couple French’s onions (not just for greenbean casserole!) a Whip yogurt, and a 100 calorie pack of Doritos. Yeah, I could have worked in some more veggies, and some more protein. But, I didn’t overeat. Small steps for womankind, my friends. 

I then proceeded to practically pass out for a couple hours. Apparently, something about snowstorms makes me want to hibernate. Which is ironic, because I’m pretty sure that’s what I’ve been doing for the past year or so. But that’s neither here nor there. Let me tell you, napping is glorious. Right up there with popcorn.  After I woke up, I spent an hour or so watching Food Network and playing around with recipes on CookingLight. Quite inspiring. Plus, I’m unstoppable. I mean, I shoveled my whole driveway. So I put on my apron and went to work in the kitchen.

Granted, I only made tacos. But, I made them even though it was just me, though I passed on the cilantro pesto butternut squash (hubby was snowed in on the mountain again). And, I was excited about making them. I even made them with a homemade blend of spices, scoffing at the Lawry’s packet that begged me to use it. Now, I know, it’s not like I’m really reaping any health benefits by blending my own spices. But, it’s more important than that. I’m getting back to my surpreme love of food. Not my love of food like facedown in a plate of cookies love of food. My love of food in that I love to create in the kitchen. I love to blend flavors and make delicious food. And now, here’s my relatively brief soap-box moment. Why can’t loving food be considered a good thing? Why does it have to be associated with being heavy? Why can’t we eat healthy BECAUSE we love food? I mean, if you think about it, loving food generally isn’t what causes people to be overweight. Generally, people gain weight because they make poor food choices. But, if people learned to LOVE food, they’d be reaching for better options. If you love food, you’re not reaching fast or processed food. You’re reaching for fresh ingredients that are prepared in ways that compliment their intrinstic flavors. So, people of  America, put down the fries. You don’t really love fries. You reach for them because they’re easy, and baited with unhealthy fats and unnatural amounts of salt. You’re reaching for the fries because you think you love them. Put the fries down, and reach for fresh produce, lean meat, and get creative. Okay, down from my soapbox… for now.

Long story short, tacos were tasty, and I feel excited about cooking for the first time in quite awhile. After dinner I went to leave for a friend’s house, only to discover something awful. Caltrans had burmed me in. For those of you not in the snow-know, a burm is an insurmountable wall of snow left on the side of the road by inconsiderate plow drivers who think that your pristine driveway is a great resting place for the snow they’ve pushed off the road. Now, at this point, snow had also fallen all day, and my nicely cleared area was covered in about 8 inches of snow. Now those of you that have not encountered the burm before are probably thinking “oh, it’s just more snow, free workout!” But no. This is not the easy to move powder that coats everything else. This is evil snow, reminiscent of its malificent origins. It is crusty, full of dirt, rocks, etc., and totally frozen. That’s right, the evil plow drivers not only marred my nice shoveling job, but boxed me in with a wall of nasty ice. Those jerks. So I chip away at enough of it to be able to get my car out and keep my shovel in car, just in case the evil plow driver comes back while I’m gone.

Well, the plow driver didn’t come back while I was gone, but I had a good amount of snow piled on top of my previously pristine driveway. So I decided, hey, why not? Despite the fact that it was ten at night, I spend another hour shoveling. I am woman, see me shovel!!! Not only did I feel strong, but attractive. Which is funny, considering that ther eis nothign attractive about a bright yellow jacket, a man’s t-shirt, jeans tucked into your boots, and wet hair plastered all over your face.   Oh yeah, that’s hot.  But, I just kept looking at how much I had accomplished, and didn’t come inside until it was completely cleared. All in all, I burned 1,057 calories shoveling snow. I think that’s a pretty good start for my first “real” workout in a month or so.

To make things even better, I finally got the bath right. The temperature was just right, the tea was amazing, the level of bubbles perfect. Ahh.. heaven.