Not too shabby for being flabby! December 11, 2007
Okay, yesterday wasn’t so bad. Except that I was starving. Literally. Like I wanted to eat everything in sight. My poor goldfish is still hiding behind his faux plants. He saw that look in my eye. That look that says “you would taste great with a slice of lemon and a side of french fries”. All day I fantasized about food. Salty food, sweet food, fried food, baked food, food in my mouth food. And that sucked. Now some of you are thinking that I just need to bring more snacks or what not, but you’re wrong. No, no. This isn’t a problem with hunger. This is a cosmic battle between the good and evil, in which the dark side is desperate to bring all of me down into a pit of chocolate fudge despair. But, just like the movies, the good guy always wins. Give it up dark side. Resistance is futile! If only it were that easy… but I held firm with snacks, protein, carbs, and veggies. It sucks, but I know that I’m not really hungry, I just feel like eating. Give me three days and I’ll actually start to believe that.
So Sunday I had a crazy thought and went out and bought a mini trampoline. Now, just buying a mini trampoline at Walmart causes every person who eyes your purchase to picture you with a side pony and leg warmers. But who cares. You’re in Walmart anyway, half the people there are chugging away on a Marlboro and trying to decide between Old Milwaukee and PBR. So I brought it home and the workout began. Not the jumping on the trampoline workout, the naging up the blinds workout. Because Lord knows I was NOT about to start bouncing my stuff all over the place in full view of the nighbors. Let me tell you, climbing up and into that front window to get those damn blinds up is a workout in itself. I’m doing curls with the cordless drill, shoulder presses with the blinds, and none of it was even intentional. So I finally manage to get the stupid blinds up, and I’m ready to bounce the night away.
Which lasted all of ten minutes. Who would have thought that bouncing on a trampoline would be so tiring! No wonder kids are so skinny! I mean, you would think that with my weight and the principles of gravity, I’d be half way there. But no. It’s that whole upward motion thing that puts the exercise in fun. My thighs burned, my butt hurt, and my calves threatened to pack up and leave. But, I made it for ten minutes. Gosh darn it. Someday I’ll work my way up to the jumping stamina of a six year old. How can they be so bouncy? Must investigate.
Your post is so funny! yeah, I wish that childhood energy could be bottled. Or better yet, you can transfer it from the child to calm him down, and put it in you to pep you up…
Sounds like the mini-tramp is a maxi-workout! Good for you for trying something new.
this is too funny! so nice to see someone keep their sense of humour about this whole dieting thing
Love the way you write! About your pumpkin pancakes in the next post (sorry, comments are off): you can make a decent “protein” pancake from 1 part egg whites (or mix of whites & yolks), 1 part cottage cheese, and 1 part oatmeal. Add a bit of salt and cinnamon and cook as you would a regular pancake.
You can add pumpkin to this, too, although you’ll need to cut back on the egg white and/or add a bit more oatmeal to get the right consistency.
I’m not saying these are as good as Mom’s Butter n’ Buttermilk Pancakes, by any means, but they’re pretty good.