January was tough. Mentally i wasnt up to sticking to the plan, first the crappy weather, then a couple of weeks of having people over from Holland for work and entertaining them each night, were good excuses. I have not been to the center for 3 weeks and have cheated like hell, pizza’s, steaks, deserts, you name them.
I joined a new gym at the beginning of Jan as well, but i think i’ve only been there 5 times.

Where as most people started their journeys at the beginning of a new year, i guess i took a mental break from mine. But now i am back and i need to re-find the motivation that i had in the last 3 months of the 2009. I have not weighed in yet, and i am thinking of making an appointment with my favorite counsellor on Wednesday and go and just talk to her for a bit.

Hope evreyone else had a better Jan, then i did. Here is to a new month!

Hi all,

i thought i’d check in. I was pretty good OP while being snowed in in Nebraska, wanted to goto the center on wednesday but couldnt get out of my street, so i didnt. But i stuck to the plan while being home for 3 days, i did fudge the water a bit, but i hit the 100 ounce atleast daily ( normally its around 160 ish). Then came yesterday. Yesterday was bad, yesterday was just i dont know, it felt like my mind had just left me. It started with agreeing to going out to lunch at work ( i had stopped doing that after joining MRC). I agreed eventhough i had my chicken adn cucumbers with me…

So i went to this place where we used to go always on fridays, everything was good, snow was evreywhere, the birds were singing, and all the food on the menu was calling my name…. At that moment i decided to order a chicken ceaser wrap with veggies ( so eating a carb at lunch….) It came, the veggies came with ranch ( why do americans do that to veggies seriously?). I ate my wrap so quick, that i must have seemed like a hungry African child who hadnt seen food in months… Then i ate my veggies AND dipped, no SOAKED them in the ranch… All of this while knowing that i was doing something wrong… somehting baddd….

Went back to work and still had my fruit of the day with my apple, i was so full that i skipped my afternoon snack, and came home.

Now here is where the stupidness really picked up. We had a poker night planned with some guys and gals at work, so i thought you know what Nabeel, you’ve been bad, no go ahead, eat your dinner before you go out. Which i did, i then went out and arrived at the party.
Well suffice to say that it was a pokernight / food fest, with home made brownies, deep fried chicken, ALOTS of chips and salsa, beer, pop, all the ‘good’ ‘bad’ stuff. I thought what the heck i will have a pop, so i had one, then i thought hey i’ve had a pop, why not some chips and salsa to go with it? And before i knew, i was grazing everything from the fried chicken to the brownies… And i had  good time stuffing my face while also winning some money ( i had never played poker in my life, but  i had what they called ‘beginner’s luck’. ) I left with almost all the money that i had put in, so i was good. I had had 4 cokes and alot of other bad stuff to drink and when i came home, i didnt feel guilty but happy that i did it.

Now this morning i woke up, stepped on the scale and i was up a whopping 3 lbs… I know most of it is water weight that i am gonna loose next week in a hurry, but still why did i do yesterday to myself, while i was perfectly capable of being ON plan while i was stuck in the snow for 3 days… Why did i do this? To tell you the truth i dont know, but i did it and pushed myself back atleast a week and fudged myself out of reaching my goal before next friday definitely.

*sighs* i guess i had to write this out of my system. Hope evreyone else’s week is going better then mine.

I am going for a WI in a moment and am afraid of the judging looks that i am gonna get…. :/

So i am now at an avg of 3.5 lbs loss a week, and today at my WI, i was again down 3.5 total for this week. I am hoping to hit the 40 lbs mark before the 18th of December. I am catching myself getting impatient. I want the 5 lbs loss avg a week, i want it to go faster, i dont know why i am rushing myself, but i am.

I know in the back of my mind, i should be very happy 3.5 lbs per week, i should be ecstatic, i should be jumping up and down from joy. But i think my unrest has to do with my MRC goal. MRC’s goal says i should be in the 250’s by a certain day, but i am struggling with accepting that as my final goal. I know i am on a roll and i want to see how far i can go. I am dreaming of ever being 150, its a dream that is very hard to get and i dont dare to go for it yet, but secretly i am inclining towards it. I keep telling myself, one step at a time Nabeel, you first wanted to be under 300 by the end of the year, you beat that goal by 1.5 month, now ease your way to the MRC goal first, before you modify, but damn it, i feel so freaking good that i am really catching myself thinking about that 150.

Maybe I will feel better after i’ve gotten it out of my system by writing it down… i dont know…

It was a snowy night in Omaha, i didnt feel like going to the gym, so i gave myself a night off. Still i had to go and get some air in my car tires as the light was coming on and had to return something to blockbuster. Did all that and then i stopped at walmart to buy Benefiber. At that moment a naughty thought came in my head, which said:

“hey you bought 3 xl t-shirts here last week and they looked kinda big on you, you need a sweatshirt, because you were looking ridiculous today at work with your 4 xl one, go buy one”

So i went to the men’s section, saw a couple sweatshirts and for some reason i bought a 2XL one thinking to myself, nehh.. if it doesn’t fit, it will fit next month, what the heck, give it a try…

So i bought it, came home, tried it on and it fits P E R F E C T

Now that got me thinking, 3 weeks ago i bought a size 46 jeans thats becoming a bit loose now… should i be REALLY naughty and go and try a 44 tomorrow?… hmm i dont know if ought to be pusing my luck… i guess i will sleep over it

I guess there are still nice people left in this world!! Two weeks ago, i had lost my license at chicago airport. I went to the local authorities and got my self a duplicate and a new one will be sent to me via mail any day now. Today i checked my mail and there was a envolpe in it, i opened it and it contained my old license which i had lost at the airport! All the envelope had at the back as a smily, like this :

WOW i guess there are still nice people left in this world. Thank you whoever you are!!!

On the weightloss front, i am back on plan since last saturday and heading out for a WI in a couple of moments. i think i lost about 2 lbs, we will find out….

i’ve been kinda in a non-diet mood the last 2 weeks. After i got my 30lbs stone, i was headed to Chicago for a business trip, came back after a horrendous 6 hours delayed flight last friday, then thanksgiving week started, i didnt really cheat, but i also didnt really stick to the plan. Was invited to my first ever real American Thanksgiving dinner at a friends place, went there, had a time of my life ate what i wanted, collected everyones compliments. In true American tradition, i got the turkey leftovers, had them the next day and now since yesterday i am fully back OP. I am proud to say that i didnt gain a single lb as of this morning. So i guess i took a break, now i am gonna go at it full force again. My goal is to be at 290 mid december, because thats when i am going on a 2 week vacation to see my family in Holland.

I hope evreyone had a good thanksgiving week and can you believe it, that December is already here ?

i am currently in Chicago for a quick two days business trip, needless to say, my diet went out of the window. I had sushi today for lunch and Thai food yesterday for dinner. Although i donot feel guitly about having them, because they  were conscious decisions.

I’ve set myself a new goal for the end of this year, which is to be at -40 lbs by december 18th. Thats 10 lbs in 28 days, by the rate i was going before this business trip ( avg 4.5 lbs per week), i should be able to get it.

Wish me luck.

Yes folks, i did it! i crossed the 30 lbs barrier today. Actually dropped 4 lbs in 2 days

So many emotionjs going through me currently, dont know what to say, i hope i can continue this….

180 ounces…..Thats kind of my magical mark for water every day these days. In the weekends in tend to struggle, because at work its just so easy to walk, get water, goto the rest room and come back. At home i tend to be a bit more lazy. Heres hoping that it pays of and i get to sign the 30 lbs board this weekend. Altho i am travelling this week, still hoping i can stay OP…

Binging:

ive been thinking about this topic for the last few days, why did i use to goto fastfood stores and buy an insane amount of food and then eat it in the comfort of my house? Be it here or in Holland… well here is a couple of answers:

1. I love food. There is no denying in that, ever since a child i’ve loved food. But does that give me a reason to go crazy like i did?

2. I was lonely an sad. Yes this is a very true reason and the only satisfaction/comfort that i got was from food. Its so dumb, but its o so true.

3. I felt like i deserved it. Last year i’d workout like crazy for 6 to 7 days a week, and on the way back, happily stop at a KFC and get a bucket ( yes a bucket) full of chicken, telling my self hey you worked hard, you deserve this fat, greesy bucket. Go ahead have some. 40 minutes and one complete bucket later, i’d be content and satisfied. Undoing everything that i had done at the gym. The next week orso i’d complain to my trainer, about not losing any weight and in my mind, blame him for it, while it was my fault and then the minute i’d be out of the gym, the whole cycle started over again.

4. Those midnight trips to Taco Bell… they were the worst. Never knowing what i was buying even, i just looked at the menu, ordered as much food as i could, went home with it and ate it. WHy? Because i was dealing with my emotions with my only friend, food.

I was an idiot. Its not like my pesonal life is any better now. I’d say its the worst its ever been. A fiance leaving me on the day of my marriage, living 6000 miles away from my family, having a job that i am starting to hate, having no real friends. Still for some reason all of this is giving me a new strength. A strength telling me that i am my own person. I have to make the best of my life. I have to do this for my self. I have to do this to show myself that i have control over myself and i control ME.

So had my WI today, but went to a bodypump class before that at the GYM. Was very tough, but i hung around the whole hour and felt good after it. Rushed to home after that, got my food diary, took a shower and drove to MRC for the WI. I was hoping to put up a 303. But it ended up being 304. I guess i should be happy with the 4bs lost this week.

Next week i am going for a definite goodbye to the 300land. Also am thinking about adding Saturdays and Wednesdays to my workout schedule as bodypump days. I am going to certainly try this next week and see how it goes.