~Fabulous to Fit~

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Why am I wasting my time? January 5, 2011

Filed under: ~The bad days~ — debi @ 7:27 am

soooo.. I weighed in this morning and I hope that I’m just seeing stuff…. the scale said 229 .. how did I let that happen…. I did so good ALL week… Than.. I know exactly what happened. I had a four day weekend. I messed up once and just figured since I already messed up why keep going. I messed up … big time. Saturday hit and the next thing I know I had burger King, pizza, doughnuts. you name it. . .
I am so mad at myself. but can’t let it destroy me
So I asked my sister if she had some work out videos I could use since I cancelled my gym member ship and she said she found some so I am going to try to meet up with her today to get those. I’m excited because I can do it at home. no more excuses. and I think it will just give me that extra boost and motivation to just keep going.
Also I packed some leftovers from last nights dinner for lunch at work today …
Breakfast
1 chocolate doughnut… - I know I know
Lunch
Brown Rice with chicken Breast and asparagus— sooo good
Dinner
2 eggs with mushrooms

I love all the foods that I make. I used to just get stuff knowing that I hated the taste of it but hey it was healthy. I realized that I can’t do that anymore and I know if that happens I just wont eat it period.. .

So here goes another week. I just need to stop making up excuses and reasons and buying fast food and just be done with it. I’ve done it before I just can’t think of why I can’t just stop. It’s very very annoying. Also I have been thinking about getting Ali. I know that weight loss pills aren’t magic, this and that but I just want an aid… I have taken it before and I want to do it again to see if it can even slightly help me. the price went way down from what it used to be so I’m hoping to get it soon .. but I just .. I gotta commit to this. I gotta do this debra. YOU HAVE DONE IT BEFORE YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Off to a good start December 30, 2010

Filed under: Just Cause — debi @ 10:02 am

Well I am really proud of myself. I have been doing good so far all week , Last night I came home and played with the girls , ate.. instead of having a salad I ended up having 2 scrambled eggs with Mushrooms with 2 slice of whole grain bread. It was very very yummy and it was filling. AND the BEST part is that I stopped there. . I didn’t eat one more thing or put one more thing in my mouth for the rest of my night. which to me is like amazing. I usually can’t even stop myself from eating it before it’s already too late. So that was huge for me!

Today I am having
Breakfast
1 cup of Cheerios with 2% milk
Lunch
Progressive Lite chicken noodle soup
Dinner
2 Eggs with Mushrooms with 2 slice of Wheat bread

I love everything. I love that I’m not totally like going out there buying this and that. I’m making things that I already have at home.. good and healthy. so that in and of itself makes me feel like an accomplishment! Yesterday however I didn’t get to do my TBL work out video since I wasn’t feeling well, I had some stomach pains and Rylee was driving me crazy so I just didn’t do it. Which as I said at my last post that right now, this week. I am focusing more on the food itself rather than the exercise. and so far it’s right on track.

So I admit I am really scared for the weekend to roll around. weekends are so hard for me especially right now because the weather is awful so I will probably just want to be all warm at home all weekend long .. and to top it off I have tomorrow off of work for New Years Eve AND I have that monday off to. So four day weekend. YIKES kind of scary.. AND for new years I would have liked to drink or do something but given how well I’m doing and how much I don’t want to give up. I think I will pass. I guess it all comes down to what I want more.

Have a great day!

 

Guess who’s back, back again December 29, 2010

Filed under: Just Cause — debi @ 6:35 am

So here I am .. again. …. Re-reading through my old posts makes me so upset at myself. I was doing soooo fabulous.. and now here I am again .. Gained back all of the weight.. well most of it. I weighted myself on monday Dec 20th and I am at 224 .. :( I literally CRIED when I read that post when I was in my 190’s… I promised myself I wouldn’t ever see the 200’s on that scale again. But yet here I am . . However, I am putting that behind me. I cannot focus on the past if I want to be successfull in the future. So from this post on I will not talk about, relive or reminis about the previous. Monday was a new day for me.
So I cancelled my gym membership. Financially I just couldn’t afford it anymore and my contract was up so I gave it up. . Right now I really don’t have many options available to me, I do have one of the Biggest Loser work out videos and I will tell you what that totally totally totally kicked my butt
When I moved I lost my pilates video so I really need to go get that too. So I’m still thinking of things to do. I am even half tempted to invest in a treadmill or something just so I can get going.. maybe p90x? . . I was thinking of talking with my sister about it cause I know she has tons of videos and hey maybe she isn’t doing them anymore. who knows. But anyways for right now I am mainly focusing on my food and getting that back in order before I begin anything else. I just know myself and I know that if I just try to jump into it .. I will back out and fail.
So here is the plan for food today
Breakfast
1 cup of coffee
1 cup of multi grain cheerios
Lunch
tuna celery pasta with whole grain pasta
Dinner
salad
Snacks I have with me
Peanuts
green beans

I am really dirt poor so I really haven’t went out and bought stuff for my diet. shoot I will eat veggies out of the can before I have a microwave dinner lol!!!! Well people wish me luck! I will be on here and I WILL post tomorrow.

BTW if you are reading this can you try to explain to me how to post pictures on here. I am sooo clueless

 

Why do I do this to myself. October 25, 2010

Filed under: ~The bad days~ — debi @ 6:45 am

So needless to say I’m starting over again… so ….. no need to dwell on the past. we all know how this cycle goes so I wont go there..

But ok so me and my boyfriend and a few friends went to a haunted house over the weekend, it started off GREAT … so were all a little spooked having a good time just while waiting in line even. so before everything starts they have this booth to take pictures. you really don’t even get a choice you kind of have too and than at the end of the thing they show it to you and see if you want to buy them. . . . Well…. needless to say.. my picture was awful.. . I get teary eyed just talking about it. . . My gut was haning out. My chin was double layered. my shirt didn’t even go all the way over my stomach which made it all look gross. I was soooooo discusted. . It literally made me cry and I just couldn’t even look. My boyfriend joey kept saying lets buy it let’s get it and I was soooo not having that. I refused. I hate it. I had such a good time and than I saw that. . It was a real real real wake up call. I have never in my life felt so discusted with myself. .

Also , obviously this was on my mind all weekend, I kept thinking about my kids, what example am I setting because i’m lazy and can’t make a good healthy dinner for my kids?

I am so upset at myself. I wish I could rewind and do how well I was doing before. :( . . I felt so good about myself, I had energy, I just felt GOOD. I feel awful, my clothes aren’t fitting anymore, my gut is getting better, my chin is getting bigger… this is enough, i’m tired of it!!!

I’m changing it … I am and will, my kids need me around and if I continue this way than I … well we all know but I’m stopping it now…

My scale is in storage. I’m getting it today. I will post weight tomorrow.. bring it on.. let’s go.

Well just to add to this I’m just thinking about my whole gym time and how to fit that in to all this, I live in UTAH and so it’s freezing in the winter time and I’m trying to think what kind of stuff to do in the winter when gym time doesn’t sound appealing..

What do you guys do? any suggestions, tips, etc.

 

What’s my deal August 18, 2010

Filed under: ~The bad days~ — debi @ 7:24 am

I’m trying to figure out why I don’t have the motivation. .

I know what I want and I know what I have to do but I just can’t do it and I’m always finding reasons not too. . I USED to do this stuff all the time. I had it down pat!! I lost 25 lbs doing it and I was just on a roll why is this so hard for me? I think it’s because my schedule has been totally totally messed up. Not only with my husband not being around that affects my children and the schedule at the gym. Being a single mom of two when I get off work I don’t want to take my kids to a day care and not see them for another hour and a half and also I don’t want to drive all the way out there and it’s just I dunno.!!! I do everything a lone and by myselff with my kids I feel like this is another chore. I don’t WANT to do it. I know I NEED to and i HAVE to if I want to achieve my goals .. But where is the medium????

With that said I think I’m going to try another approach. If I can’t make my ass go to the gym then I will bring the gym to my ass lol.. pardon my language… even if it’s taking the girls on a walk or to the park or just going out side and doing something and going to the gym every now and then slowly so I don’t feel the pressure and feel like I must go or else I’m a fat cow… I dunno if that makes sense to anyone else but boy that felt good to get it out. . . . It felt good to just say it… like I know I’m doing this and this wrong and this is why. I can’t lie this is really why and I hate it too. So that feels good.. I guess lol..

So I decided I’m only going to weigh myself once a week. I used to weigh myself every other day and that just killed me and played mind games on me.

Well anyways. This morning I have a diet coke with a 90 calorie breakfast bar. So we’re off to a good start. Then later on I think I’m going to have ramen noodles for lunch … go get the girls go for a walk and have some white rice for dinner. Here I go AGAIN

 

Dun Dun Dun August 11, 2010

Filed under: *The weigh ins* — debi @ 7:15 am

So Weigh in- 207.8

Dang, I had already known that I would be in the 200’s again so I should have expected this.. Still doesn’t mean that number doesn’t hurt! lol .. It just makes me feel fatter just hearing that number again. I mean for the past few months that I have not been working out. I knew I wasn’t doing the right thing but I didn’t feel fat, I didn’t care. . But now after seeing that number .. it’s like a blow to the stomach and now just AFTER seeing that.. I FEEL it. when I put my shirt on this morning it felt tight, etc. I dunno if my mind is playing tricks on me but dang it didnt feel good. I was already feeling a little bit disapointed on how my night went. . . .

So yesterday for Breakfast I had some Coffee lunch I had a 6′ . 9 grain Turkey Subway Sandwhich with tons of veggies and light mayo.. Ok and here is where my DAILY biggest struggle comes in. Dinner… the name haunts me. haha anyways so After work I have to go get my girls from my baby sitter’s house and then I go take them to the gym day care at 6 and pick them up at about 730 .. ideally right? . . ya well I get there to get the girls and we chat , we conversate and what not and next thing I know it’s like 8 o clock. so I go home put the girls to bed and then what happens… I’m alone and get the munchies and want food. . So I broke, I had a bagel, lay’s cheddar chips and 1 pop tart.. like wtf.. I can’t understand how and why I do this.. This particular thing happens all the time. It’s at night when I’m home alone and my kids are asleep. It sucks.. and while it was happening I already knew it wasn’t a good thing. While enjoying my chips I kept telling myself “your going to blog about this tomorrow and your going to feel awful, and you already know your going to weigh yourself in the morning and you already know it’s going to be a bad number… ”

As I’m writing this it almost feels as if I’m sabatoging myself. . . . with the would have’s.. and the I can’t believe I gave up. I need to stop. I need to push and make myself do this for one week and I already know how good I’ll feel and How much I want to start up and feel good again.I already know how great it feels and I want that again. I just can’t seem to get my lazzy butt up!! ..I ditched last night saying tomorrow tomorrow.. Because of the weigh in in the back of my head I haven’t weighed in yet so why does it even matter.

I wish there was a pill to make me just fall asleep right after so I don’t even have to think about food. . Bla. . . One thing I also need to do is get the food out of my bedroom. The kitchen is upstairs and I’m in a new home so right now I feel weird going up stairs to get food .. it’s like ya the fat girl visits the kitchen tons of times so I usually keep some stuff in the drawers for my kids. But I need it out of there hence the “pop tarts” last night. :( bla I have to hide food from myself.. how sad.

I better go to the gym today. Come on Deb.. Remember how good it felt.. Give yourself at least a week.

 

Can I make it? August 10, 2010

Filed under: Just Cause — debi @ 11:41 am

I already wrote earlier then I was thinking while I was at work bored…. “it’s my blog I can write whenever and whatever I want” .. so here I am … I always comment on people’s blogs, etc. But I never get anything so I don’t even know if anyone is even reading this!!!

Anyways I called the gym to schedule for the day care for my girls (to me if I schedule and have an apt with them it makes me more inclined to go since it’s an apt.) And so I have a scheduled apt with them Today, wed, and Thursday. I would have done Friday too but they close at 6 and I get off at 5 so that wouldn’t work out. But they watch the girls up to 90 minutes so that will be way good. I am super excited and kind of nervous. I remember how it was and how much it took to do it everyday and get into the groove of things.. and now because of the choices I made here I am faced with this again and if I would have never fell off the wagon then I would be like 160 lbs right now.. But would have could have should have.

I am way nervous to weigh in tomorrow morning. I will just feel better in my head when i work out tonight. I kept telling myself in my head… “tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.” But then when I was making the apt with Gold’s Gym.. I just said.. What do you have today!!! ??? !!! I NEED to START TODAY!!! I NEED A CHANGE

Then after my work out and my shower then I’m going to go home cook rice and veggies for my lunch at work tomorrow. .

One thing that I want to talk about that I think will help my motivation is how I felt last time. I miss FEELING good. I miss LOVING working out. I miss the healthy way it made me feel even though I hadn’t lost that much weight it made me FEEL good. I miss all of this. I can’t wait. Today is going to be my break threw day and I can do this!!! I hope my weigh in number isn’t toooooooo bad tomorrow *fingers crossed*

 

I didn’t fall off the wagon, I lost it entirely

Filed under: ~The bad days~ — debi @ 8:13 am

Well well well here I am again lol.

As the title of this blog states I didn’t fall of the wagon, I lost it entirely. But I am now on my quest again. I was doing so well and I just gave up. My life became very hectic, My children, my marriage, etc tons of things kept me from continuing my battle and I gave up. Admitably so now I will move on now that I have admited my fault. I realize where it took me and now what matters is here I am and ready to go.

So I am sooooo terrified of weighing in I have not done it yet. . I was re-reading my blog since it’s been so long and it really made me sad. I remember that day that I weighed in at 193 and how happy I felt. . I miss that and it really made me feel like I was accomplishing something and I did so amazingly good and where would I be if I would have just kept going!!!!! grrrr..

Anyways My husband is in jail right now so him making me dinner and always stuffing me is not an option anymore and that feels good lol. I miss him terribly and counting the days that he is out but it’s good that I can decided what my kids eat and what I eat.. I control it ALL.. So I think this will really help me in the long run.

I moved in with my long friend Heidi and her boyfriend Cory. It’s really nice and relaxing there. There is always something to do or be done so I think that where my life is at right now is perfect for the diet and lifestyle that i’m ready to do NOW. Heidi might even be interested to do it with me eventually but I know how it is and wont pressure anyone to do it. When and if she is ready she will let me know and maybe we can do it together. . . I am also excited because the house is right by the gym that I LOVE because it’s the one gym that is not totally packed all the time and it’s just mellow. and RIGHT down the street. It will be nice to get out there and do this again and use the day care there to have some me time. . awwww me time.
So I bought some Oatmeal for when I’m at work or the mornings when i’m on the go and then I have some white rice (i love it and refuse to give it up) and some vegetables for dinners. So at least for this week that’s how it’s going. I also have wheat crackers ritz for when i need to snack at work sooooo now all i need is that right mind set and then get back into my work out groove. I was doing so darn good and I really had it down pat and now i feel like i’m starting from square one again … :(
awful feeling

FOCUS on the good !!!!… Well tomorrow morning I will be weighing myself… I am sure that I am in the 200s again and that will really hurt my heart if that is the case!!!
… I miss the 193 :(

 

Fridays, your always so good to me March 19, 2010

Filed under: *The weigh ins* — debi @ 6:31 am

Well weigh in is 193.0!!! YAY I am soooo excited and happy for that number.

However, lol… I am now TERRIFIED of the weekend to come. I don’t think i trust myself yet and I’m doing so good I don’t want this to be ruined. :( I wish I could just stay positive and for the time being I am but also I know myself when I’m home all weekend and around food and I can honestly say that I do not trust myself. I want to . I have been doing so good and come so far but the weekends are my weakness… I’m trying to come up with a plan but I just don’t know how to dodge the issues I always face. . I just keep telling myself my weight and I’m almost down to the 180’s and if I could get there.. god I would be soooo happy!! I still can’t even believe I’m almost to 180 when I used to be 230 .. crazy I tell you!

 

Gotta love the feeling skinny days March 18, 2010

Filed under: *Good Days* — debi @ 9:38 am

So as posted above I have to call today a “feeling” skinny day. Everyday now when I wear something I can just feel it in my clothes. the baggy spot in the front where my big belly would hang out on my shirts, don’t get me wrong its still there but it’s going away. I love it. I think this is the first time that i can FEEL a difference. Yesterday I was outside smoking with my husband and I saw my reflection and I just couldn’t help but look and say wow I can’t believe how much weight I have lost. granted it’s only 34 lbs but still!! And tomorrow is weigh in day so hopefully i’m below the 196.6 .. eeeehhh i’m excited

I have been doing very very well with my eating, which I am surprised. It has been difficult but I’ve been kickin ass and takin names, with the gym , eating, everything! I think my body and mind is starting to like the idea of weight loss, liking the gym , etc. and loving the way I feel. I feel more confident. I always wear jackets, hoodies, etc. everything to cover myself up and today.. I decided to NOT wear a jacket and I cannot tell you how many people noticed. “oh debra wow your not wearing a jacket, wow your not wearing a hoody”.. it’s because of the buldge!! lol I know I have a lot of work to do but I feel so great. I love how my clothes aren’t fitting my pants feel so loose and baggy , my shirts aren’t buldging in the font. God I could go on forever about how good this feels.
Also this might not be a very nice thing but hey it’s my blog so I’m going to say what I want. I do have to admit that I am excited to pass my sister’s weight.. she was very overweight .. about 273 a year ago and I talked her into getting a gym membership with me and she is the one who lost all the weight. She is down to 180 and looks great and I’m so proud of her. My whole family compliments her and gives her kudos which she deserves. But now it’s my turn.. they focused everything on her and now .. It’s MY turn. I am almost there and I can’t wait to shove it in her face! lol jk jk jk I am super proud of her but also it’s like since everything with her noone has even thought about me or my weight loss effort and I want my turn to be acknowledged. just once.

Anywho today is going great. Had a great work out this morning, my whole grain toast. chicken for lunch and my oh so lovely tuna salad. for dinner and making extra for lunch tomorrow to bring to work. I sat down with my husband last night and explained to him that I noticed that I do much better when I plan EVERYTHING ahead of time. So that part is already set! And he was super supportive as usual. But yes the planning helps me so much, like yesterday for example. I was giving my daughter some doritos and I was about to put one in my mouth, totally mindlessly, and stopped myself.. and asked “Is this apart of the plan”.. I was sooooo proud of myself. I have never done that!!! ever.. I feel like this time is for good. this time I CAN do it .

Have a good day everyone and I will post tomorrow and hopefully i’m down a pound or two.

 

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