~Fabulous to Fit~

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Wow April 26, 2013

Filed under: ~The bad days~ — debi @ 4:33 pm

I sit here and just can’t believe I let it get as bad as it has. . Wow. I honestly am too afraid to go and get on that scale… All of you can see that obviously I haven’t been on in years….. but so much has happened.. I went through a divorce, an abusive relationship to now where I am finally happy and just living my life the best I can and I am happy! except my weight…I knew in the back of my head that it was there and that I wasn’t doing anything to better it but the little voice in my head just kept pushing it back saying “deal with it later” . . . . I mean my fat pants don’t fix… sitting in a booth is becoming challenging… those are things my chunky self didn’t even have when I was “fat” … so that scares me…… I think I let that fear get it to where it is right now.. I’m too afraid to face it. but it’s just everywhere I go now and i’m so unhappy.. it kind of brings me to tears right now thinking about it .. uggg So let me just kind of back up here.. I used to do my diet so well.. at least it was working. I got to 187 .. under 200!!! then I went through a divorce with my husband.. it was so hard.. and I ended up starting a with relationship with someone I already knew for awhile and then just … like many other people.. got confortable and gained it all back.. since then I went through a very abusive traumatic event involving him and my self esteem plumbited.. and now i’m here.I remember how good it felt being in shape. how happy I felt losing all the weight and knowing that I did it with hard work and dedication and now I have nothing to say for that. I’m too afraid to even weigh myself and that’s just not ok with .. My depression got so bad that I actually am on medication and that sucks so bad. I just don ‘t feel like myself and just the way my “fat clothes” don’t fit just makes my heart drop and I’m afraid to go weigh myself…I need to know the damage…ugg ok i’ll go look..i need to know lol wow 259I feel sick……. how could I do this to myself…. my heart is racing and I need to process this :(