Dun Dun Dun August 11, 2010
So Weigh in- 207.8
Dang, I had already known that I would be in the 200’s again so I should have expected this.. Still doesn’t mean that number doesn’t hurt! lol .. It just makes me feel fatter just hearing that number again. I mean for the past few months that I have not been working out. I knew I wasn’t doing the right thing but I didn’t feel fat, I didn’t care. . But now after seeing that number .. it’s like a blow to the stomach and now just AFTER seeing that.. I FEEL it. when I put my shirt on this morning it felt tight, etc. I dunno if my mind is playing tricks on me but dang it didnt feel good. I was already feeling a little bit disapointed on how my night went. . . .
So yesterday for Breakfast I had some Coffee lunch I had a 6′ . 9 grain Turkey Subway Sandwhich with tons of veggies and light mayo.. Ok and here is where my DAILY biggest struggle comes in. Dinner… the name haunts me. haha anyways so After work I have to go get my girls from my baby sitter’s house and then I go take them to the gym day care at 6 and pick them up at about 730 .. ideally right? . . ya well I get there to get the girls and we chat , we conversate and what not and next thing I know it’s like 8 o clock. so I go home put the girls to bed and then what happens… I’m alone and get the munchies and want food. . So I broke, I had a bagel, lay’s cheddar chips and 1 pop tart.. like wtf.. I can’t understand how and why I do this.. This particular thing happens all the time. It’s at night when I’m home alone and my kids are asleep. It sucks.. and while it was happening I already knew it wasn’t a good thing. While enjoying my chips I kept telling myself “your going to blog about this tomorrow and your going to feel awful, and you already know your going to weigh yourself in the morning and you already know it’s going to be a bad number… ”
As I’m writing this it almost feels as if I’m sabatoging myself. . . . with the would have’s.. and the I can’t believe I gave up. I need to stop. I need to push and make myself do this for one week and I already know how good I’ll feel and How much I want to start up and feel good again.I already know how great it feels and I want that again. I just can’t seem to get my lazzy butt up!! ..I ditched last night saying tomorrow tomorrow.. Because of the weigh in in the back of my head I haven’t weighed in yet so why does it even matter.
I wish there was a pill to make me just fall asleep right after so I don’t even have to think about food. . Bla. . . One thing I also need to do is get the food out of my bedroom. The kitchen is upstairs and I’m in a new home so right now I feel weird going up stairs to get food .. it’s like ya the fat girl visits the kitchen tons of times so I usually keep some stuff in the drawers for my kids. But I need it out of there hence the “pop tarts” last night. 🙁 bla I have to hide food from myself.. how sad.
I better go to the gym today. Come on Deb.. Remember how good it felt.. Give yourself at least a week.