My Evolution

I made it through Day 10.  I changed my mind about the reward.  I got the ice tea maker instead.  I’m excited about it. I had today off from work.  I felt productive.  I went to the grocery store, did laundry, and got a mani/pedi and waxing done.  I went to Whole Foods again.  I felt a bit better.  By the 4th time I might feel like a pro.  What’s scary is last time I spent $110 and this time $88 and the only repeat products were yogurt and bananas.  I think I can rein it in once I try things and decide on my must haves.

is exactly how I feel.  Damn you TOM!  I don’t have time for this.  Can I really complain about TOM when I’ve been dealing with this for 25 years? YES!!! Otherwise I am doing well.  Today is Day 10.  At some point I will buy my computer games.  Next up is an ice tea maker.  I got my superfoods book.  I need to finish my IE and Geneen Roth book first.  So I have a lot of reading to do.

I have been so back and forth on this topic.  I’ve always been obsessive about weighing.  So when I started doing IE and they talked about the scale being a false idol and it may be best not to weigh I agreed.  I decided I would only weigh quarterly.  Easier said than done.  I definitely have not been on the scale as much as I used to but I have not totally weaned myself from the scale.  So what do I want to do?  I have taken it out of its hiding place and I know I will begin weighing in because I signed up for the new TBL “Just Beachy” Challenge.  I am in such a better place now that I feel okay about weighing in weekly.  Hopefully this will continue to be the case for the entire challenge.

I shopped there for the first time yesterday.  I felt like I was in another world. In another country but I know as I continue to go there on a weekly or bi-weekly basis I will learn my way.  There were so many choices.  Each time I will try some new things and then can decide what are my must haves.  There was a lady doing a “random act of kindness”.  She had purchased quite a few of those 80% recycled shopping bags and was giving them away.  Its nice.  I think I will buy 2 more the next time I go.  Especially since I see beginning on Earth Day at WF the only options will be that bag, a canvas one, or recycled paper bags.  I normally ask for plastic because I reuse them or donate them to food banks.  I think I will purchase a couple of those Trader Joe’s permanent shopping bags too. 

I should post more.  Okay so after the big binge I finally got started again.  I’m on Day 4.  I’ve made some more decisions.  That’s why this is called my evolution.  I am constantly evolving, changing, problem solving, growing, etc.  Okay I decided I wanted to add “superfoods” to my intuitive eating.  I ordered the first book from Amazon and its on its way.  I’m also using the list posted on 3FC.  I want to shop for groceries differently also.  I primarily shop at Giant, Safeway, and Trader Joe’s when I’m in the mood.  I’ve decided I want to primarily shop at Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, and farmer’s markets.  I am excited about that. 

Also I am finally listening to my body.  I had been really struggling to stop when full.  For the past three days I have ignored what my head is telling me–Have you lost your mind?  You’re not eating enough food! You don’t know what you’re doing–and listened to what my stomach is telling me.  That has allowed me to stop when satisfied rather than full.  Its working.  This entire time I was maintaining.  Now I have lost 1 lb.

I am having a hard time staying off the scale.  I brought it back out and will see what happens.

then binged on what was supposed to be Day 25.  That was Saturday.  Haven’t quite made it through another Day 1 yet.  I’m working on it.  I do know I am continuing to maintain because I keep getting on the damn scale! I am really thinking about getting rid of it.  No scale is like a foreign concept to me.  I have to really think about that one.

Today is Day 19–binge free.  I’ve been having trouble along the way but I’ve been making it.  Feel your fullness is what I’m having difficulty with.  I knew I would because I’ve always eaten beyond full.  It is the next chapter in the book.  I bought my reward from www.shopunitee.com although I don’t officially earn it until I make it through tomorrow.  I’m sure the shirt won’t fit now but that is okay.  I got the “Live, Love, Laugh” pink thermal that Marlee Maitlin is wearing.  I’m starting to think what will the next reward will be.  I kinda have an idea but I need to research it.

Fit club at work began again on Thursday.  Its four of us ladies. I shared my IE book so now my friend/co-worker has bought the book too.  I’m excited about that because I will have someone close that will be doing the same thing as me. 

I am having trouble staying off the scale.  Its a work in progress.  When you are normally an everyday weigher its quite tough to go cold turkey.  I say my goal is to develop a healthy relationship with food and weight loss is secondary yet I’m continuing to get on the scale.  I’m not living what I’m saying.  I need to work on that.  I know its tied into the fact that I’m such a concrete person that I want to see evidence that what I’m doing is working and that evidence is weight loss measured by the scale.  I just need to put the scale away.  Right now it is still sitting in the bathroom.  I will put it away today.  I’ve already identified a pair of jeans as my gauge.  I will try them on in April rather than waiting for June because I desperately need some jeans.  If they don’t fit I will try them on again in May.  I will try them on again in June.  I will officially weigh in June.  The jeans will always be my gauge regardless if they fit or not.

10 Days binge free.  I did it.  I bought a journal at Target (love that store) as a reward yesterday and started writing in it today.  On to my second set of 10 binge free days that I am working on.  I weighed today also.  I am up 3 lbs.  I am very happy with that.  The last time I had a ridiculous set of back to back binges I gained 16 lbs.  So 3 is doable and I know it has a direct correlation to starting IE.  I’ve been on and off the scale 2x today.  That’s okay.  I figure I need to get it out of my system because after today I will not be back on there until June 1st. 

I am so happy.  This time has definitely been easier than the last time I tried to do this.  I think the intuitive eating book has played a part.  I definitely was skeptical.  I am a person that generally eats beyond full, there goes that binge eater, so I was thinking this would not work for me.  I am very self aware and I am finally doing something about it.  That self awareness plays a huge part in helping me develop a healthy relationship with food.

I am trying to prepare myself for the scale on Saturday.  I think I will be up but I’m okay with that because lets not even talk about my binges….Let me paint a picture:  A typical binge–a box of waffles, a jar of peanut butter, a whole pan of corn casserole, 1/2 pizza–you get the idea.  I know some people are like how can you fit all of that in?  With a binge you don’t savor or really taste the food.  You feel the effects, at least for me, about 15-20 minutes after a binge is over.  So 2-3 straight weeks of varying sizes of binges has really had an effect on my body.  I feel really sluggish, old, and heavy.  I have to look back and pinpoint when I started IE.  I don’t think it was in enough time to counteract the damage I did with the binges.  I’ve been going back and forth about the weighing.  I think I’ve finally decided to weigh quarterly.  So I will weigh on Saturday and not weigh in again until June 1st.  The IE book says don’t weigh and I haven’t gotten to the Geneen Roth stuff but I believe she says the same thing.  This is my way of doing what is comfortable for me in regards to weighing.  I will definitely be able to tell by the way my clothes fit during the in between times.

What’s interesting is I didn’t know this was my goal until I typed it in a post in the Intuitive Eating thread on 3FC.  My new goal is–drumroll please–To develop a healthly relationship with food.  If I lose weight in the process that’ s great too.  I’ve made it through 4 binge free days so that is a good sign.