Just another 3fatchicks.com weblog

i might be afraid of heights

the way i diet isnt exactly like a yo-yo.

 

its a ferris wheel. one that gets stuck on the top. you know what? the top SUCKS

i’m glad that i’m not throwing up 10 times a day but my GOD do i miss the fucking drive. 3 hours of cardio. what the hell was i on?! i struggle to get over an hours worth, and some days getting to an hour is too much.

what i doyo-yo on… is the crash vs “healthy” way of losing weight. i’ve pulled my socks up, got my scale new batteries and signed up for the BL challenge. whether i  crash or stroll my way down this turn on the ferris wheel is up in the air, but i’m hoping i can get some of my will power back

 

last week i only went to the gym once, for a pitiful amount and a few miles

 

today-

1:26

19.51 miles

649 calories

 

as far as my own challenge goes- i’m not even out of arizona yet =/

Posted on April 5th, 2010 by murderthefatchick
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walking to paris!

paris

my scale- will be out of commission for a few days.

 

i’m taking this as a moment to step back and focus on my working out rather than my weigin in.

being the extreme person that i am i said, hey you know what? i’m going to run a million miles! but hey- you know what? thats impossible, so…

 

i’m walking to paris. thats right. from tucson, arizona to paris, france its 5,491.69 miles. i should do this in less than a year… thats roughly 15 miles a day. we’ll also stop by manchester on the way =P (5157 miles)

 

actually we’ll see how far i can go in a year and a couple of days- my official end date will be march 31, 2011.

…

 

i’m kind of tired just thinking of it

Posted on March 26th, 2010 by murderthefatchick
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its my birthday, i’ll eat cake if i want to

i am 25 years old. today.

 

i have had issues with my appearance and weight since i was…….. oh i dont know, in the womb.

 

so you know what i did today? i had cake. i didnt go to the gym, i went to the zoo and the aquarium.

 

i ended up walking around for four hours. but just that, WALKING. imagine that, walking… not hiking. not jogging down a mountainside or up those steep fucking steps to the ridge to push myself just a litttle harder. no, i just walked. me and my panda umbrella, we walked.

 

then on the drive home when my mother said should we get subway or chinese? i let her pick. i could have gone with the subway and had a 6inch sub filled with lettuce, and picked half of the bread of. i could have, but i didnt. and guess what? the chinese was fantastic!

then i came home… and there it was. that beautiful bastard. chocolate cake. with chocolate frosting, and chocolate flakes around the edges. i could have said no. i could have cut a slice off and then thrown it in the trash.

i’ve ruined enough birthdays that way. like when i wasnt eating at all and i refused to go out to dinner on my birthday because that one meal would be more than i’d eaten in the entire week. or the fights over cake. and here i am, still fighting that fat chick who refuses to die. so this year i decided to enjoy it. not shove cake down my throat as fast as i can find it, not skip it altogether. but to enjoy it.

or worse- i could have eaten my chinese, and then eaten more and more, then come home and eaten 3 times as much cake… and thrown it up. i’d be about 3 pounds lighter right now… and my dying catholic would  be throwing punches in whatever dark corner i’ve left her to die.

but i didnt. i had cake, then i watched a movie and just now… i had two glasses of milk. they were ice cold, and they were delicious. i imagine this is what normal people do… they have cake if they want to.

Posted on March 22nd, 2010 by murderthefatchick
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i get anxious

because i’m fat.

 

or, maybe i’m fat because i get anxious. its hard to tell anymore… or ever. but i get anxious. which is why i’m writing this now.

 

i have had over 1200 calories today. its okay. its okay. its okay. if i say it enough, will it eventually be okay?

 

i want to go into the kitchen, open the tupperware container where my mother hid the m&m’s and eat them by the handful… while chugging on some ice cold milk. then i want to grab that box of honey bunches of oats and drown it in milk, so it gets just a little soggy then have about 3 bowlfuls. then i want to get up, walk into the bathroom shove my fingers down my throat and purge until i can feel my stomach is empty.

 

thats what i want to do, but i won’t. instead i am going to sit here and think about it. i’ll think about what i want to do and debate over the benefits of taking my anti anxiety medicine.

i’ll sit here and think about how that little blue pill will make me feel better… but it will also make it seem like eating SOME m&ms with a glass of milk is okay, because its friday and i’ve done pretty well this week. that bastard blue pill who makes the anxiety over being/getting fat go away…

 

so i am going to sit here. and think. about cereal and chocolate. or a tiny blue pill and the possibility of adding another 350 calories to my day.1600 calories.

 

i am going to sit here, and think about how tomorrow the scale will go up anyway, so maybe its okay if i have another 350calories. and about how i have less than 3 weeks to tone up… so 350calories cant be spared. and about how throwing up my food would make me feel better, i also like my teeth. thin and toothless? sometimes it seems like it might be an option, because you know what? i get anxious

Posted on March 20th, 2010 by murderthefatchick
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Hello world!

Welcome to your new diet blog! This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging! You may also wish to go to the site admin area and create categories and choose a design theme to get started.

Posted on March 19th, 2010 by murderthefatchick
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