Yes I know it’s been a few days since I have actually posted in the forum or made a blog entry. 

At the risk of sounding like a (constant) whiny baby-I feel so very depressed, still.  There are some things going on that are not at all related to diet & Weight and I just don’t know hot to proceed with my life.  I can go on and on and on (and I have) about how miserable my relationship makes me.  The sad truth is that I don’t have the courage to change any of it.  I used to make lots of money and was fine on my own-now in this economy (I’m in the Automotive business) I am making close to nothing and cannot support myself in any form without him. I also don’t feel that I can rightfully throw him out with no warning as we moved from Arizona to Seattle together so we could be in my hometown. I’m reminded constantly that he’s only here because of me.  It’s not that there aren’t moments that we don’t enjoy or love each other-I just know this is not right. 

 And the drinking problems just consume me-I have ceased being truthfull with anyone that I am close with because I am so afraid of actually becoming accountable.  I started focusing on weight and food because I felt so out of control in that aspect (which it was/is) I need to step up to the plate and deal with some bigger issues here.  I told the BF last night that I wanted to look into going to an AA meeting and all he had to say was “Have Fun” He does not think that he has drinking problem.  He’ll be the first to agree that I do regardless of the fact that he drinks three times as much.  It’s like I’m stuck in this hell of co-dependent sickness and it’s destroying who I am - Who I want to be.

I have no plans to change any of this

All that being said food has been okay-I had a hamburger yesterday.  I’ve been OP for the most part and still finding new recipes and playing with food.  I made an egg white scramble that was Delicious and easy-sauteed some mushrooms, onions, garlic with a ‘lil bit of Olive oil & scrambled in some egg whites and chopped fresh basil…YUMMY!  

We have plans to hike again this weekend-found another trail nearby that is 6.5 miles roundtrip.  Cross your fingers and hope that we have another picturesque Washington weekend-NO RAIN NO RAIN

Oh goodness I feel woozy this morning :( 

Yesterday’s Meals

• Breakfast - One Banana
• Snack-  1/4 cup Dry roasted Edamame
• Lunch- Fresh fruit, Activia Lite yogurt cup, and 1/4 piece of baked chicken breast
• Dinner - approx 2-3 oz Sirloin hamburger topped with a tiny bit of Aged gouda cheese, 6 flavored triscuit crackers and 4 glasses of Chardonnay.
• Snack- A handful of dried Apples

Nope, not enough veggies.  I ran out and have to wait for Friday (PAYDAY!) as we are totally broke.  I will have to make do with what I have the next few days. 

My BFF and her little boy stopped by to visit for a few last night.  I think I am kinda pissed off at her right now…..actually I am pissed at her right now.  There is meaning behind a lot of things people say and the way they say them and she has made some comments the last few times I’ve talked to her that just piss me off.  For instance: I bitched to her about my neighbors leaving garbage and cigarette butts all over the front porch that we share with them.  It’s gross and there is no reason for it!  Well I have a dog crate that Axl had an accident in and set it outside until I had a chance to clean…..I’m talking to her on the phone and she’s asking “Oh are you leaving it out front…haha”  and then last night she had changed her son’s diaper and I went to carry it outside to the trash bin and again…”you’re not leaving that on the porch are you?”  WTF!?  Snotty bitch! We go through phases and right now I don’t care for her much, but no matter what we will still be drinking tea together as old ladies.

After she left Mike and I kicked back and watched TBL together.  He made me a little mini-slider hamburger between 2 triscuits…it was yummy :)  I had too many glasses of wine and am feeling it this AM. Time to slam some water down and get the day rolling!