Yes I am one of “those” 

In January I started visiting 3fatchicks.com  and writing in my blog and was gung-ho about changing my life…..well here it is the middle of June and I am 10 lbs heavier and once again in a state of helplessness and depression over my weight and eating control issues.  Though I wasn’t eating the “right” things the last few months I did have portion and habits under control.  The last 2 weeks have once again been full of binging and I have found myself unable to keep things out of my mouth.  I break down in mini-marts and purchase candy and crappy food to sneak and make stops at fast-food joints.

It’s so damn easy to eat whatever, whenever and I am so friggin lazy when it comes to actually putting forth the effort needed to make healthy changes and get this weight off. 

I have taken some proactive steps with my health.  I am now taking metformin to treat my PCOS and am using a CPAP machine at night.  However if I can’t get the eating and excersize under control…what’s the use?? 

Can’t I just wake up one day 50lbs lighter, full of energy and sunshine??   

Yesterday after the pizza incident I also ate a PB&J sandwhich (No flour bread) and a handful of triscuits.  This morning I had two pieces of homemade Banana bread that was brought into the office.  Now my friend/co-worker is talking about hamburgers and deep fried mushrooms( no I am not going, but I WANT TO!) I brought a much more satisfying lunch and plan and up-ing the water intake. 

It’s so weird how just one little slip totally changes everything.  I was OP and feeling good and in one moment of weakness I feel like I have taken 3 steps backwards. 

I found a great little day hike in my area that 2.75 miles each way.  I think I will plan on doing that tomorrow with my Dog and see if the BF wants to go. He never wants to do anything or leave the house :(  It would be a nice little day adventure for us, so hopefully he will go.    

Oh the moment I hoped would not come…at least for another week,  I broke down.

Maybe it was the fact that I raced out the door after cleaning up puppy poo instead of having breakfast.  Tuesday & Thursday I leave a half hour earlier cuz Axl goes to the Doggie Dude Ranch for the day.   I hastily packed a crummy lunch that did not satisfy me for long enough

I was starving today

Afterwork  I usually race to get back to the Doggie Ranch before they close. Today I had to get gas,  I needed smokes, didn’t have a plan for dinner, and I was hungry.  I stood there with the pizza in my chubby hands and almost talked myself out of it.  The store was busy and the clerk was looking at me and the pizza was looking at me.  I felt like a deer in the headlights.  I ATE A FRICKIN PIZZA!  A nasty, gross, sitting under the hot lamp for 5, hours mini gas station pizza!  It was probably the equvilent of 2 regular slices.  Now it’s sitting in my gut all icky and fatty…..GRRR.  It was a great lesson for me-I need to always be prepared for the onset of starving hunger.  No Excuses, no bullshit, I did what I did and tomorrow I don’t have to do it again.

Meals today:

• Breakfast-Coffee and a handful of granola and raisins
• Lunch- Fresh fruit, activia yogurt, sliced cucumbers 
• 5pm gas station melt down- A personal size pepperoni and cheese pizza and a diet coke

And it will be a glass of Chardonnay and then water for the rest of the night! 

BF and dog are napping at the moment-better take advantage and get some housework done! 

 I can’t wait till it warms up and we can spend more time outdoors!  BBRRRRRR