this rose is looking to bloom

Yes I am finally moved and have unpacked only bare neccesity of boxes. There are still boxes stacked to the ceiling in most rooms and blocking my hallway. Most of the kitchen is unpacked kind of got too expensive to eat out everyday…  My friends keep assuring me that slowly is still the best way but looking at this disorganization just frustrates me more and reminds what I am not able to do. When I can’t take the  chaos of clutter anymore, I now have a disabled pass to ride the city dial a ride. I just call with where I am and my desired destination address and a short bus picks me up at the door and drops me at the door. I am so glad I finally got the pass it has opened a lot of independence for me. I can actually look at what I’m shopping for… before my husband would insist I went with a list and made shopping a timed race. No fun at all…   

I’m back… this move has been so stressful. The unpacking has turned out to be the hardest part of all. Finding a place for everything has been so difficult. Half the time I unpack and set something up just to turn around and reorganize it somewhere else. My body is so worn down and I hardly want to get out of bed…not that I spend a large part of my day out of it but now it is even worse. Pray for me…lol I have not weighed in almost 3 weeks. I cringe at the thought…

I am so sorry…I am in the process of moving and hav not had time to chat. Last week I had a 1 lb. gain but it was the week of my period so I knew I would take a hit. Though I am still encouraged trying to pack a house, make moving plans and executing all the plans right has left me with little time or energy to focus on good food choices. I can’t lie I have eaten out a lot this week and probably will eat out most of this weekend. Hopefully the workout of unpacking will counteract those extra calories. Take care.

My victory for last week barely began to cool and my dreaded monthly friend is visiting me. Bloating, cravings and cramps…OH MY! I knew it would come eventually and its here. Me not happy…and now I’m moody. LOL Pray for me.

Yeah! I lost 2 lbs. this week. My journey is looking more like the turtle than the hare. That’s ok the turtle sticks it out and is cautious and gets to the finish line safer and happier. I could stand a little of both…lol I am getting bored with my drink selections. There is not really an abundance of water flavors out there. I have been craving the sugary flavored soda. Diet Dr. Pepper to me has always tasted just as good as the regular, I’ll have to pick some of that up. I can use it as a treat with dinner. Now they have come out with cherry vanilla, it’s really good even in the diet. Trust me, I would just think of diet soda and get a sickening feeling in my throat. Most of it is horrible tasting but I weeded out the good from the bad. I guess that’s a valuable life lesson.  

Not that I need any particular reason to eat but stress is my worst trigger for craving nasty things like chili cheese fries or pepperoni pizza or any greasy thing to ease the tension. I’m going to stop characterizing food…I’m making myself hungry..lol My remedy for food today has been prayer. Short desperate prayers said over and over throughout today. I say them in my head to myself for myself. I can just imagine me walking through the house blurting them aloud…straight jacket here I come. LOL I am going through a place of transition. Lots of transition. Ever heard the saying when it rains it pours? Well the clouds have released their power on me. Strangely enough, I see good things comming out of this time. I just know that directly on the other side of this cloud is a gleeming rainbow.

I am still feeling the effects of over doing it on Saturday. I have no strength to move or even walk today. It has been one of those bed to couch back to bed days. I am eating small meals throughout the day to keep me content but not put a heavy meal for my slow body to digest. I don’t want a gain at the scale this week. I am frustrated that my body has limitations. In my head I don’t see myself with limits. The word limit to me is a taboo. I resent having to move this slow and carefully. Everyone is telling me it is just an adjustment I have to make. It feels like more than a simple adjustment it feels like a harsh 360 degree turn to what I knew myself as.

My lunch-in at church went well. Lucky for me most of the dishes were chicken and the others were spicy. I took the skin off the chicken pieces, went light on the sauces and I can’t eat spicy foods because of my gallbladder. I ate small portions and excused myself with a health issue…no church ladies offended. Thank goodness. I did not attend services today because I worked my legs out too much yesterday. My steps resemble an arthritic penguin…lol I’m not going to feel bad about it…I am going to feel proud for pushing myself yesterday and tomorrow I can try another challenge. I am going to start seeing tomorrows as another chance… an oppertunity to keep keeping on. 

I am nervous today. There is a lunch going on at my church this afternoon and the theme is international foods. Each lady is to bring a dish inspired from different cultures. I made enchiladas. I can only imagine the spread I will be tempted with. This is a little different than even going out to eat because your not bombarded with the food in your face. You order a reasonable choice and that’s the only items served to you. I have not had a buffet experience yet and not looking forward to my first one. Plus I don’t want to seem offensive to the other ladies. I know that the other women went out of their way just like I did but if I don’t watch this waist who will…

To another topic… a few days ago my husband asked me to make a chocolate cake. In honesty he had me purchase the cake stuff weeks ago and he has been pestering me to make it. I went ahead and made it a few days ago and shared with my friend how childish he had acted about this cake. He acted like the cake was oxygen or something. Anyway, she was offended that he had asked me for the cake knowing I am watching what I eat. She proceeded to tell me how rude and sabotaging that was and how I should be so upset. Really I wasn’t upset at all. I know that I am watching myself but if he is comfortable why should I push him into something he doesn’t want to do. I would be furious if he would have tried to do that to me. Besides, as I told her let’s be real it’s not like I will never eat chocolate cake again…I might as well learn to handle myself around food. Practice makes perfect. If I practice moderation enough it should start to stick. Right?

I weighed in this morning to a 1 lb. loss for the week. I’m not going to pretend that I wouldn’t have liked a better number but a tiny loss is still better than a gain…

I am going to study my food journal and see where I can improve for this next week. I know I was weak for sweets this week. Chocolate is my fave…there have been periods of time that I thought I could not live without chocolate EVERY day. I hear really good things about small amounts of dark chocolate even daily but have not tried it. The dark to me seems to have a more bitter sweet than its smooth milky cousin. The things people will do for beauty…LOL

I also think there was a few dinner meals that were calorie absorbed. I seem to do really well with my daytime meals while my husband is at work but the evening when I am making the meal for dinner is when I notice my calorie intake soar. I am also going to try to time my dinner time better. I have heard that not eating in the evening keeps the lbs away because you give your body a chance to work off the food before going to bed. I cheat a lot with late night eating. I go to bed late in the night and wake up early in the morning so I tend to eat 4 meals a day instead of 3. If you look at my meal times for the hours I’m awake it seems reasonable but mealtime compared to activity time it’s damning. I am determined to keep on keeping on.