End Binge Eating Blog-o-rama

I haven’t been posting on my blog because what can I say…I continue to binge and I am gaining weight fast. I hate the weight gain, but in a deep way I don’t want to stop because I believe overeating is the only way to get comfort in my stressful life.

I’ve been honest in my blog that I am not a dieter- rather I have an eating disorder. Losing weight means I have to face the fact that I use food to medicate. Will power will not solve my emotional eating problems. Instead I need a program of recovery.

So it’s another morning after a binge. I see the remnants of my eating- candy wrappers, orange peels, dirty dishes, and I am glad its over for now. Right now the obsession to eat is calm- I feel perfectly content not eating and I feel like a normal person. What a relief, but unfortunately the feeling won’t last. Later in the day, I will get hungry and want something to eat. And of course I will eat. I have to. And whatever I eat will feel like not enough, so I will eat more. And more. Until I am full and my body will want me to stop, but I will have some sort of voice inside me that says I am still hungry.

However awful binge eating disorder is, it has something to teach me. That I need to make changes in my life so that I don’t rely on something outside myself to get me through. I need to take of myself better and to learn that eating doesn’t solve my problems, only make them worse.

My recovery plan is simple…Do things that make my life easier (like cleaning, spending time with friends) rather than harder (like eating more food than my body wants). I am planning to run for the first time in two weeks- my physical condition is deteriorating fast- maybe running will remind me that I am strong.

I don’t know when I will stop bingeing, but I hope it is soon.

Filed under: binge eating, emotional eating, running, slips, weight