It’s my life.

Last time.

9/8/12 159.0
9/30 154.0
10/31 149
11/30 144
12/31 139
1/31 134
2/28 129
3/31 124
4/30 119

There is no magic wand.

I wish there was. I wish I could just wave it and say poof, you are thin and healthy and young.

Truth is, I am middle-aged. Not sure how that happened, but it did. I will be 46 in 6 weeks, I can get my self together and hit 47 looking and feeling awesome or not. My choices will determine the outcome. There’s the thought really. I am in charge of the outcome.

I am writing this story.

Peace in my head.

That’s what I want and need. To get to the place in my head where things get “untangled”. Saw that somewhere this week, if I remembered where, I would give credit.

Life has sucked lately. Kids, work, hubby, weight, house, holidays. Just sucked. Need to say to hell with all of it and just get me to my even ground, then the rest will fall into place. I hope.

Starting out positive.

My goal, while I continue to try to find my way out of depression is to write down one thing every day that is positive in my self. Action, deed, facts, whatever I can find that is a good thing in my life.

1. My sons
2. House is paid for!
3. I have a job. Actually, I have 2.
4. Today, it snowed, so I am grateful for heated seats, heated mirrors and my automatic car starter!
5. Dogs who love you no matter how you are feeling.
6. Folgers Black Silk coffee
7. We live in a world where fresh fruits & veggies and clean water are readily available.
8. I get 40 days off a year. I do not have another full week for the rest of the year! Yay!

Goals 8 months to final goal

Today 156
11/5 151 - 150.8 10/17/11 moving on!!!!
12/5 146
1/5 141
2/5 136
3/5 131
4/5 126
5/5 121
6/5 116 when we get close, I will see what it looks like, final number is hard, but I will know it when I get there.

Continuing to get it together.

Going back to a bit of low carbing. Calorie counting would certainly work, but seems too cumbersome to me, so back to what I know. Need to get some groceries & keep at it. I can do it with what I have, but more choices makes it much easier. Got dinner cooking in the crock pot, buffalo chicken breast and tomorrow I am making Buffalo Chicken soup.

I ran again today. Just D2W2 of C25K, but I am back at it, and that is what matters to me. Just getting moving again.

Went back to the Dr today!!!

Can do what I feel up to and can return to work tomorrow!! I actually want to go back to work!!
Just went and parked my ass on the dreadmilll! All the way back to Day 1 of C25K, but I did it!

Tomorrow, I am going to either walk the dog or get on the elliptical before I go to work. Getting my life back, one choice at a tiime.

Another day

Still bored to tears. Took O’Neill for 3 walks today. Still miss my old dog, I think I always will. He was also much better on the leash, which is important when you are recovering from surgery and walking a 100+ lb dog. I think tomorrow I am going to try a few minutes with the hula hoop and maybe the three waks again. He will only get better on the leash if he is there:).

Did OK with food today

Better days are upon me….

I am working really hard to pull my head out of the sand and move forward.

The last few days have been horrible. We had to make the decision t have our old dog put to sleep. I love the dog, it was horrible. More importantly, my kids are gone and my house is empty, hate it!

I still think, the best thing to do is make positive changes while they are at college. Working toward a better me, going to clean everything that needs cleaning and get back to C25K as soon as the Dr clears exercise.

I also want to spend less time on the puter!

Todays plan, 1200 clean, nutritious calories and a nice long walk with the dog I have left. Starting somewhere.

Grrrr…

Covers it I think. Surgery 12 days ago, must be getting better because I am sick to death of not doing anything. Planning to restart C25K before too long, tried it within the first few days, that was just stupid. Thought I would die the next day.

Need to get my food cleaned back up. Debating if I want to go back to WW. I know it works if I can stick with it. Thinking I should save my money and follow the plan!