T25 fail

So, I’ve just attempted week two total body circuit and failed. It is just way too hard for me. I can only do a couple of modified push ups so I can’t keep it up for as long as they want (even following Tania!) My legs wont keep lifting above my waist no matter how hard I focus Sean. I spent most of my time responding to Sean’s prompts with “I’d love to but I can’t”  I even think I’ve got the start of shin splints from all the sprinting on the spot. The mind is willing or I wouldn’t have attempted a second week despite ending up in tears trying to do it last week. I wish I’d recorded it for a personal comparison to see if I’ve improved at all. I decided this week that I can’t keep up so just do the best I can and not to beat myself up trying to do what they do but I realised just that it is just too advanced. I’m gutted because I want the result of more muscle but I need to find another way.

I’d love to go weights but we can neither afford a gym membership nor could I go to our local gym. I know some of the people that go and they’re not people I want to see on a regular basis. I know it sounds snobby but they’re related to the people swearing and shouting at their 4-5 year old kids in my daughters school year that I avoid. I’ve thought of investing in a multigym but the websites I’ve read suggest a power rack and free weights instead. Again, I’d love the results but I don’t think it’s something I can do on my own and no one I know could teach me.

I’m getting frustrated with it all now. I’m reading so much conflicting advice. Eat less calories, no eat more. Do cardio, no do weights. Do body weight exercises, no do heavy lifting. Eat meat, no eat veg. Eat 5 a day, no dont’ eat all that fruit because of the sugar. And the list goes on! I think basically no one knows. What works for one person might not work for someone else.

As I walked to the school yesterday I didnt think of what to do for tea but thought that I need to change my mindset. Instead of focusing on the scales and not being able to do these things, I need to focus on healthier choices and getting fitter for the rest of my life. All of this is because I made stupid choices. Commercialism has affected health internationally. When I grew up take out was a rarity. Now, even in my smallish town, we have three mcdonalds, a subway, kfc, untold chip shops, indian & chinese restaurants and take outs, italian, pizza delivery and more. I’ve been trying to calculate how much it would be to feed our family healthily including 5 fruit & veg portions and we wouldn’t manage financially. It’s upsetting to think my kids are going to have the same struggles and we have to feed them what will fill them up not what is what’s best.

Anyway, moan over…

Don’t focus on the scale

Don’t focus on the scale, don’t focus on the scale! That’s what I need to tell myself after spending all week watching my food, turning down crisps, cake, (2 childrens birthday parties!), chocolate and take away and starting T25 but only losing 1lb :( To say I’m disappointed is an understatement. On Wednesday when I was in tears doing T25, I was thinking, in the end it will be worth it. On thursday and friday when I finished exercising feeling sick I thought, yes but it will be worth it! The lbs will drop off! But they haven’t. According to my fitbit I’ve been eating less calories than I’ve been using but seemingly not enough. Well, it doesn’t feel like enough. I know I shouldn’t focus on the scales (even though I log every day) and it’s probably a good job because this week they’ve barely moved and some days they’ve gone up! It’s just disappointing that when I did this last year, the weight fell off at the start but this time it’s slow to move. Plus I hate exercise! I hate that my legs burn when I try to pick them up. I don’t like the feeling at all! I hate the ache, the “burn!. I turn to jelly, I shake. I want to collapse. To be fair, my heart rate didn’t get as I thought. I actually got a new battery for my F6 and eventually (…) put it in the right way around and got it working. I need to have a look but I’m sure my HR was getting much higher last year. That’s a good thing yes? Means my heart is healthier if it doesn’t have to work so hard? I need to look that up too. For now, I’ll sign off and go and fetch my little girl while I ponder, yet again, what I can make healthy and cheap for tea that everyone will eat…

Here I am again

So I haven’t posted for a year! It’s been an eventful one weightwise too.
The last post I made was prior to our trip to Scotland where, if I remember right, I did ok with my healthy lifestyle. But over the next few months, it dropped off until I was back in the binge/purge/guilt overeat/undereat cycle. I gained back almost all the weight I’d lost hitting a peak of 202lbs (7 lb less than my Jan 2014 start weight, in June this year. I gained my weight back fast. In July and August last year I was around the 168-171 range. My next weigh in says 174.2 in November (I’m not sure if that’s a real weigh in or a number already in the spread sheet…). The next weigh in was January this year at 195lb. Thats still over 20 lbs from Aug to Jan (5 months) or about 1lb a week :(. I did start and stop over the next couple of months but I didn’t keep it up.

Again, I hit that 200+ weight and was really uncomfortable in my own skin. I hate it. My legs feel uncomfotable to fold when I go to bed. I can feel the fat pushing behind my knees when I bend them a little bit. So I’m back to trying to lose weight… again.

So I’m back to worrying about what I eat and, as I was last year, stressing over meals; what to cook for the family that I can eat, that I don’t feel bad feeding them and within a sensible budget. I know all the “clean eating” things I’ve read say chicken/fish and veg but my family wouldn’t eat that. They want egg and chips, spag bol with mountains of cheese, macdonals, chippy, chinese, noodles, nuggets etc. It causes rows when I try to cook better. When i try to reduce meal sizes, everyone is hungry and are making toast during the evening. I go without meals a lot because I simply don’t know what to have. It needs to change. I need a plan. I said this last year and I’m still in the same position! Argh!

Anyway I’ve also started T25 and it’s TOUGH! I was trying to do 5BX, as per the Hackers diet and couldn’t do the jogging on the spot! So, in my (lack of) wisdom, went for this instead. What was I thinking?! It’s only day 3 and I just can’t do it. I was in tears at one point. I can’t even do the modifiers. For some of the modifiers I push and do the full move but for others I cant even do the modified version. I can’t move fast enough to keep up. I can’t do a plank so I was on my hands and knees then they started the spider things and my legs wont move up that much. I was sliding on the carpet, there was no space around me (I live in a small house so that will never change) my legs and arms were like lead and I couldn’t see the tv from the position i was in to see the modified version anyway. As I said, I ended up just collapsing on the floor and tears welled up. I did as Shaun said though and focused. I pushed the tears away, got back up and carried on. Ok so a lot of the time I was just flailing my arms and legs and screaming “what?!” at the tv but I kept at it and ended up on a high doing the jog. I re-watched part of it with DSK and was happy (not sadistically) to watch the team struggling too and they fitter than me, they aren’t 60lb overweight nor on the wrong side of 45 . So my plan is to keep at it. I think I’ll start it again from Monday. Many forum posts around the web suggest not re-doing the weeks and to push yourself but I’d just like to be able to do it all the way through first even at modifier level! I might even record myself… We’ll see.

Week 14, day 5

This is just a last update before we go to scotland in a couple of days; I doubt I’ll be able to check in. I haven’t blogged much lately but I am continuing to watch what I eat and I’m exercising. I’m not sure whether it’s getting too hard or I’m losing interest but I continue to want to make up excuses not to do my yayog. I am doing most of them though but it’s a real struggle to get myself motivated.

Last week I weighed myself and I’d gone up. On 9th June I was 181lbs but on the 16th I was 182.2 (the salter scales were 184.75!). I dont know why and I was a bit disappointed but I bought a pair of size 14 jeans as a motivator. I tried them on to see how far I had to go to wear them and I pulled them all the way and did them up without a problem! Woot! Down another jeans size. My measurements (if I’ve done them right) show almost an inch loss off my hips so that increase in weight is nothing to worry about. It didnt help that it was my TOM again. It’s only been a fortnight since my last one.

I also went to a family bbq this week and had lots of compliments about my weight loss but more importatly, my increase in health :)

I’m still a bit obsessed with looking at food and exercise on the internet but I want to get a plan and stick with it. I’d love to meal prep or at least plan so I know what I’m eating each day. I find it frustrating thinking of what to eat every day and often go without lately as there’s nothing quick to eat. I need to plan for the family too. I’ve been through our freezers and noted all the food. Theres loads! I’d like to go through the cupboards and do the same then I’ll plan around what we have. It would be lovely just to have a plan…

It’s been an odd week anyway. I spent  a couple of days replacing the hdd in my laptop, oh has had a couple of days off work and early finished and DSL has been here a lot as his GF has changed jobs. It’s been lovely but it’s thrown my routine for exercise and food. Not that I need much of a reason… Another good side to my healthy living (note; not diet!) is that it’s encouraged DSL to review his habits and he’s joined MFP and started logging and exercising more. I’m happy that he’s took the initiative himself to get healthier! :)

Anyway, I weighed myself this morning, 20 June, (as I do every day) and I was down to 179.4. A little later I went to the loo and weighed myself again after and the scales showed 178.8!  Whatever they are, I have hit my June goal (again…) and anything from here is a bonus though I’m a little worried that a week in a caravan will reverse that. If it does I’ll be disappointed but, I will just carry on when I get back. For now I’m feeling thinner and I’m getting happier with my reflection too. Well, with clothes on. I am feeling firmness on my limbs as my muscle improves and overall am happy with the way things are going.

Week 13, day 3

I missed doing yayog yesterday morning as we’re getting up later but I managed to do it in the evening. My balance is terrible and I’m constantly wobbling and falling over sideways doing the exercises. This morning I was up at 7 but seriously considered skipping yayog as my arms were really sore. I googled it and decided to push on. Thankfully, it wasn’t a push day so no pull ups or tricep dips! I also found a different cool down which was longer but my arms actually feel a bit better now than before I started! I don’t know if it was the cool down or the movements. For the past week or so even the warm up kills my arms and today was no different. I’ll see how I am next time, which the app has set to tomorrow.

My  hrm strap, which measures 55.5 cm (elastic only), kept falling down and losing my heart rate so I’ve adjusted it to 51.5cm

(edited to add that after posting this, I sat my daughter on my lap to brush her hair and it killed my arms…)

Week 13, day 2

I’m feeling better this week so I’m seeing the positives instead of the negatives. In fact, I’m not even sure why I was feeling negative about this when I have far less aches and pains and the scales and the tape measure are both showing losses. I do feel sore though. I started week three of YAYOG yesterday and it was way too hard for me. I had to reduce the exercise intensity. I’ve struggled with soreness all week. It comes to something when I can barely lift my arms to hang out or even fold washing! I hope that it gets better…

So, at the end of May my weight loss looks like this:

so it’s been fairly steady. The odd blips are often when I’ve taken a weight at the end of the day too. My measurements are also dropping. I’m not confident about my measuring skills but I’m fairly certain my hip measurement is fairly close and that’s dropped 15.5 cm (or over 6 inches) since I started back in March.

I’ve set a goal for this month which is:

to reach 181lb (Under 13 stone) by july; currently I’m 184. If I do it I will also cross off other goals: lose 2 stone, lightest weight for 5 years, & 30% of way to overall goal of 128lb (9st 2).

Hopefully, I’ll be under 13 stone by the time we go to Scotland in 3 weeks. There are 5 Mondays this month so it’s achievable to lose 5 lb (180lb) by the end and at the rate of 1.5 per week that I’ve been averaging, it’s possible that I could be 7.5lb down (177lb).

I’ve been focusing on getting to 172lb for a while now as the last time I dieted in 2006 I thought that’s what I managed to get to but I’ve just found my Sparkpeople account from back then and I got down to 170 from 182 so I started it lighter than I am today. It also means I’ve got an extra two pounds to lose to be lower than I’ve been in a very long time but I WILL DO IT. I’m not sure how it’s going to go with doing strength but I’m happy if I can see a number, any number (including the tape measure) going down. It’s nice to see the scale go down but also a little discouraging as I’m losing the little valuable muscle I’ve got.

week 12, day 3

I’m still feeling sore and my mood is still low. I’m out of fluoxetine now and need to pick up my tablets today. I wont have missed a day but they will be late.

I’m still looking at my food intake, specifically protein. I’ve recalculated it using 128 as my weight and 30% as my body fat as the RCN suggest 20-34% is a healthy range for my age up to 59. That would give me a lean body mass of 89lbs so I’m aiming for a protein intake of between 89 and 133 grams per day (1-1.5g/lb lmb). That’s much better as I rarely go below 90 though I rarely go much over 100 either.

I’m hungry today too but haven’t even had breakfast yet as I’ve been messing on my computer and not doing my exercise. I try to do my exercise between getting up and having breakfast or I probably won’t be motivated or have the energy or time to do it later.  I’m planning to plant the tomato plants out in bags in the greenhouse today as it’s raining yet again so I’d better get my exercise done or I’ll never get time for everything.

Week 12, day 2

It’s been a strange week this week. My moods have been all over the place. I’ve felt down a lot even though I’ve had no extra reason to. It has been my TOM so maybe that was it. My weight is sort of hovering around the same place too. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve added strength to my routine. I’ve read that the scales can freeze when you start toning muscle.

These are my weights for the past week:

  • 19th - 186.8
  • 20th - 188.8
  • 21st - 186.8
  • 22nd - 185.4
  • 23rd - 186.6
  • 24th - 185.6
  • 25th - 285.5
  • 26th - 185.2
  • 27th - 186
As you can see, it’s staying around the same. My muscles definitely feel like they’re working. I’m struggling to carry the shopping now! Things I could carry easily before, now make my arms feel like they’re burning. I thought I’d be getting better. My reps seem to be lower too but maybe my form is improving? I know I’m also pushing myself. I’ve lowered the height I do push ups from, I straighten my legs out from 90 degrees when possible. I just hope things get easier and pushing myself all the time doesn’t mean I’m going to feel sore all the time too.
Food-wise, it’s been a bad week. Well, no. It hasn’t completely. I’ve been under my calories every day but I’ve had a chip shop meal three times. It’s because we’ve been working outside until late. I’ve altered my calories and goals yet again. As I’ve lost weight I’ve re-assessed my TDEE using Heybales spreadsheet. I’ve added data from my fitbit and my calorie intake from MFP to get a closer reading.  My daily maintenance calories now stand at 2336 with a 20% deduction for weight loss, leaving 1869.
I also filled in the section that estimates your tdee based on what you’ve lost and how many calories you’ve eaten over the past 4 weeks(1732 cals and 10lbs) . That resulted in a TDEE of 2982. I’ve updated MFP and will only eat back extra calories to those I use with walking as my calories burned is based on my fitbit which is only accurate with walking.
I’ve spent a lot of time looking at food on the internet. I need to increase my protein intake but I’m struggling. I’ve bought some whey protein powder but it’s not going to be affordable to keep doing when our finances change in a couple of weeks.
Finally I’ve also changed my goal! When I started this, I found a website that estimated my ideal weight at 125. Then using heybales spreadsheet, it came back at 135 so I changed it. Now the spreadsheet is saying between 120 and 132 so I’ve set it to 128. So I’ve now got further to go again.

Week 11, day 1 yet again….

It’s late tonight. Lately I’ve been in bed before 10 and not getting up til after 8 (see, no energy) but tonight I dragged myself back out of bed once DDI was asleep. Thing is, I’m HUNGRY today too. I haven’t felt like this for ages but today I just want to eat. As I was getting DDI to sleep I ate 4 squares (40g)  of lindt orange intense. If I’d had more, I’d have eaten it. Then I came downstairs and when OH went to bed, I had 7 dry multigrain crackers! Still not satisfied I had another 3 and coated them in Asda low fat peanut butter. Then I felt full but it was a huge load of calories I wouldn’t normally have. I’m not sure if it was actually hunger or a craving. Maybe it’s related to my getting bored of my food? I need to keep an eye on it and not sabotage all the work I’ve done so far

Week 11, Day 1 again

I’ve just completed my measurements and have lost a little bit. I don’t like doing them as I’m not very good and wonder if any loss is a different placement of the tape measure, I suppose any increase could be the same.

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