I am worth it!

The pleasure is all mine!

Time for another weigh-in today! With the usual dread (why is it that stepping onto those scales always puts a knot in your stomach?) I stepped on, eyes firmly closed! i now weigh 223.75 pounds precisely! I am delighted - this has surpassed the mini-goal I set myself.  I’m not going to get too ambitious with my mini-goal for next week as the Christmas season is upon us and I am going out for a meal on Thursday and want to enjoy it without worrying and feeling guilty. If I am 222 pounds next week, I will be over the moon.

i have learned a valuable lesson over the last few weeks - that sometimes it’s not how much you eat that’s the problem, but what you eat! i have been making really healthy choices and feel as if I am eating loads and never feel hungry or deprived. And that’s me sticking to my 1, 500 calorie a day limit. it just shows you.  So other than the calorie limit, what else am I doing to help myself?

* I am drinking lots of water - I love it.

* I am doing lots of exercise - a good mix of cardio, strength and flexibility work. Again, I love it and it doesn’t seem like a hardship to me. In fact, i think I might be addicted!

* I have cut down on red meat and swapped white bread, pasta and rice for brown

* I am planning my meals ahead - I can’t overstate how important i have found this to my success!

* I am trying to cut down on caffeine but I am struggling with that a bit - I get a really sore head when I haven’t had a cup of tea for a few hours.  I have bought some camomile tea which I have before bed.

* I am taking a daily multivitamin and mineral tablet.

* I am setting myself mini-goals each week and giving myself small non-food related rewards for achieving these  - so far, a new foundation and a nice new nail polish

* I am pampering myself! i have started going for regular back, neck and shoulder massages and manicures - all helping me to feel better about my body and how I look and confirming that I am worth it!

* I am working through some exercises to help me understand how I became overweight in the first place and to address those underlying issues

* I am allowing myself the odd food treat and not feeling guility about it - all things in moderation and all that!

* I am seeking support from others in the same situation through the 3fatchicks forum

Most of all, I am genuinely excited about this journey and I am enjoying it so far which is keeping me going.  Losing weight - feeling good about yourself - the pleasure is all mine!

Whey Hey!

One week into this journey and so the time had come to step on the scales. I was a bit anxious because although I had done a lot of exercise and eaten heathily most of the week, I had a day out with a friend on Friday and we went for lunch (steak burger and potato wedges) followed by tea and a scone with jam and fresh cream.  We then had quite a bigmeal very late at night - chicken, chips and garlic bread. I was worried that one wee blowout had ruined all my hard work.

I shouldn’t have feared though - 226 pounds!!! I have dropped 3 (and a quarter!) pounds this week! Yay! I know I shouldn’t get too carried away and I don’t expect to lose as much every week but I am well pleased about that.  Particularly as it’s my TOTM. Roll on next Monday - new goal is to get to 224 pounds by then.

I guess I have learned that you can still lose weight if you eat healthily most of the time and the odd wee treat is not going to cause your efforts great harm. I do know that it’s when those odd wee treats increase and increase and become a regular occurence that the problems start. I just need to keep that in mind and stay in control.

Why

Okay, three days in and so far so good.  I have been eating very healthily and keeping to my limit of 1,500 calories a day. It’s amazing how much food you can actually eat within that limit if you make the right choices!

In those three days, I have done FIVE exercise classes - GO GIRL!!! This has been a mix of cardio, strength training, flexibility and toning.

I have to say I feel great! I have also managed to stay clear of the scales - I have been guilty of being a slave to them in the past which only wore me down emotionally.  I am going to weigh myself once a week only, on a Monday morning.  And if I have lost weight, i am going to treat myself! Just a small thing each time, but something that will make me feel better about myself - like a new lipstick or a manicure. 

Today I have been focussing my mind on WHY I am doing this and thought I should lay this down. I reckon I can return to this when my motivation gets low and remind myself why this is important. So here goes:

1) I want to have a healthy, strong, flexible and toned body.  I want to treat the body I have been given properly. It is precious and I am blessed that it is in full working order.  I wouldn’t put the wrong kind of petrol in my car, so I can’t continue to always put the “wrong” types of food in my body.

2) I want to make peace with myself about my weight issues - I no longer want my weight to control my feelings about myself and thereby influence my actions and habits.  I think this journey will help me overcome the limiting beliefs I have about myself and my life.  It will improve my mental well-being and state of mind. I want to reach an understanding of how emotional issues may have contributed to my weight gain and to tackle these underlying causes.

3) I want to alleviate the symptoms of Polycycstic Ovarian Syndrome which get me down and make me feel less feminine.  Losing wieght will help me increase my opportunity to conceive in future

4) I want to feel feminine, sexy and confident and dress in nice clothes - I want to feel more attractive! I want to walk into a shop, see a gorgeous outfit and know they will have it in a size that fits me and I will wear it in a way that turns heads! I want to receive compliments - that feeling is better than any chocolate bar or Big Mac any day! i want to look good in photographs ;)

5) I want to set a good example for my niece and nephew

6) I want to make my family proud of me. I no longer want to feel like the inferior, abnormal one (my own perceptions, not theirs!)

7) I want to have increased energy and confidence to allow me to fulfill my dreams and ambitions. I will no longer feel negative, lethargic and sluggish. I will feel in greater control of my life and I will move on from all the hurts and disappointments of my past. The world is my oyster!

and finally:

8) I want to stick two fingers up at all the people who have made negative comments about my weight throughout my life and show them that they can try to grind me down, but I will come back stronger and better!

(That last one was a bit naughty - oops - but hey!)

I hope these reasons will keep me going through the highs and lows of this journey.

A further thought I had today which has helped strengthen my determination to do this: I have just turned thirty years of age. Time is going by quickly and there is still so much I want to achieve in my laugh.  Exactly how old do I want to be when i achieve a healthy weight? The longer I leave it, the more I am shortening the time available to me to achieve the things in life I want to which my weight currently prevents.

Until next time.

Hello world!

I am going to begin anew - right now - TODAY! Monday 24th November 2008.

I am no longer prepared to live a life where I allow my weight and the feelings I have about myself around that create limitations for me and prevent me from fulfilling so many dreams and aspirations.

I deserve better and I AM worth it!

This morning I weighed in at 229 and a quarter pounds.  That is the last time I am going to see that number register, let me tell you. I know I can do this. I previously weighed 294 pounds so I have already come a long way although my progress then stalled due to life events and I have never been able to get back in the swing of weight loss since. I am no longer prepared to carry the grief of bereavement and relationship breakdown around with me on my body as a result of comfort eating. I am in control, I have choices to make and i choose to be healthy, to eat well and to exercise - to treat the body I have been given with the respect it deserves.

I owe it to myself now, I owe it to my future.

The journey is beginning - come along for the ride!