Little Black Dress Bound

I just spent 5 hours doing all of my laundry (believe me there was a lot, and in the dorm carrying everything upstairs and making sure no one takes your machine is a lot of work) packing up everything in my room AND carrying it all 4 floors down to my car. I am so tired and yet rest is nowhere in sight for me. I have to do my math assignment (what kind of professor assigns homework that is due friday of finals week anyway???) and study for my final. One good thing though is that by 5:00 pm tomorrow I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! (Until 2 weeks from now when summer classes start)

Needless to say, I am looking forward to resting for a couple days. But my next few weeks are pretty booked. Tomorrow (Thursday) I wake up, take the last few bags down to my car, check out with the RA, last minute studying, take my final, drive 2 hours home, unload everything from my car.
Friday- A few months ago I found this desk on the side of the road with a free sign on it, so I picked it up and took it home. I am planning on sanding it down, repainting it and putting on new hardware.
Saturday- A family friend died recently and I am going to her funeral with my mom. Then later that night my friend from college is coming into town and is going to stay with me.
Sunday- A couple friends and I are going to the Gay Pride festival in downtown. (I’m not gay, but I know a lot of people that are and I like to support them)
Monday- My bf is going to have his car in the shop and he needs me to take him to his dentist appointment and if he gets any orders for his business we’ll have to go to the UPS store as well. Plus I have to pack for my trip…
Tuesday- Dad and I are flying to Minnesota to visit the family!! And won’t be back til late Sunday…
Monday- Summer courses start!!

As you can see I am going to be pretty busy for the next week or so, so I’m not sure how much I will be writing in here. I will try to keep up though!

Eating wise today wasn’t good, but I figure I got a lot of activity in. I was sweating my a$$ off!! Awww well, can’t beat myself up too hard. Back on tomorrow. Off to study… bleh

So I weighed in this morning and to my dismay I’ve gone up 1.8 lbs since last week. Oh well I guess that’s how things go, could have been worse. I’ll chalk it up to my period and finals week and move on. After I weighed in I ate an awful lunch so now I feel disgusting. Good thing I’ll be getting in a lot of activity today. I have to pack up my entire dorm room and take all my boxes to my car. Yippee!!

I am pretty stressed. Today I have to go to the court house to pay my speeding ticket, I have to do all my laundry (hopefully there are some washers open), I have to pack up all my stuff, I have a math assignment and I have to study for my final tomorrow. Aye!!

I had my finance final today and it went better than I expected. At least I think it did. I didn’t eat the best food today but I didn’t go over! Honestly, I’m supposed to weigh in in the morning but I’m nervous. I don’t want to gain =( But I guess I just have to face it… I didn’t eat well so now I have to face the consequences.

Anyway, one more final and I get to go home!!! Yay!!!

As I mentioned earlier I went out to eat with my friends tonight. We ended up going to Chili’s which I was happy with because it meant I wouldn’t have to deal with the breadstick temptation at Olive Garden. HOWEVER, right when we get there one friend decides its a good idea that we order BOTTOMLESS chips and salsa as an appetizer for everyone to share. Oi. They were right there in front of me. I did so well with the first basket, eating only 5 chips. When the waitress brought the second basket I was starting to get desperate, it seemed like our food was taking forever. I had probably 10-12 chips from the second basket. Then finally the food arrived. I ordered the Guiltless Grill Salmon like I had planned. It was very good, I didn’t even finish my salmon because I was so full. All in all I’d call it a success.

So this week is finals week. Every spring term I go through the same thing, complete loss of motivation, fatigue and it becomes very hard. This year is no different, it may even be worse than other years. I have my economics final tomorrow and I am having the hardest time getting myself to study. I was going through the review for about an hour earlier than I fell asleep. I woke up 45 minutes later and decided to have a snack and a coffee. I’m feeling better now. I got through the entire review and practice test. I decided to take a small break to write in here, but I better get back to it. EEK!

BF and I just recently started eating the Morningstar Chik’n Nuggets. We had both been cravings chicken nuggets, but of course being vegetarian we couldn’t have any. We decided to try a vegetarian substitute, before going to the store we read reviews of different brands and Morningstar seemed to be the favorite. When we got to the store they only carried a small box, only 2-3 servings worth. All you have to do to prepare them is stick them in the oven, or toaster oven for about 10 minutes. Anyway, they’re amazing. Definitely going to be something we have often. We can’t even tell the difference between them and real chicken nuggets. They were the same size, color and texture. Even if you take a bite and look inside it looks like chicken. They taste amazing, and you don’t have to worry about those fat knobs that are sometimes inside real chicken nuggets. They’re even better with ketchup! They are however, not very low in calories. 4 nuggets adds up to 190 calories, but if you’re having them as a small part of a meal or snack they work perfectly!

I’ve had tacos with the vegetarian ground “beef” several times before but this weekend they turned out better than I remember them being. All you have to do is put the grounds in a pan, add water and let it simmer for awhile. We used the Morning Star brand. Bf always insists on adding taco seasoning, he usually wants to get the Taco Bell seasoning but I wanted to try something else because that has MSG. We ended up getting Lawry’s taco seasoning. It was good but was very strong. At least I thought so, it didn’t seem to bother my bf. Even still, I really enjoyed them. I had it with soft flour tortilla and with a hard corn tortilla, both were very good. With it we had lettuce, cheese and I added slices of avocado. Yum! It all went well til later that night and the next morning I kept burping and had heart burn. I felt like I do when I actually eat meat. My throat felt all spicy and hot. Maybe I just wasn’t used to the strong seasoning because bf didn’t have any of these symptoms. All in all they were very good, although not necessarily low in calories. I guess it depends on what you have with it. Maybe next time we’ll try different seasoning, or none.

I finally faced the truth last night. I can’t come home from school without having a talk with my bf. I can’t keep thinking I will be able to control my eating around him even though the past suggests the opposite. Being around my bf is almost a guarantee that I won’t stay OP. I am really serious about this and so I knew I had to talk with him before I come home from school and start spending even more time with him. Here is how it went…

Me- “Can I talk to you about something?”
Him- “Yeah…”
Me- “I’ve decided to start eating healthier but I find that whenever I’m with you it’s almost impossible for me. I don’t know what it is. Honestly, I’m worried about coming home when school is out because we’ll be spending more time together and therefore eating more. I don’t know if its because I want to eat whatever you’re having or what, but I would really like your help.”
Him- “Okay, I can do that. How do you want me to help you?”
Me- “I feel bad asking but I think the best solution for me is if you ate healthier things with me, at least when we’re together. Because I usually have good intentions in trying to decide what to eat but it’s really hard not to have some when you’re snacking on chips and salsa, or making frozen pizza…”
Him- “Okay.. if I do that will you take the lead in selecting healthy things for us to eat?”
Me- “Yes I can come up with stuff for us to have”
Him- “Alright.”
Me- “Also, I know that you’re trying to help me when I’m about to make a bad decision but when you say “Are you sure you want that?!” in that tone you do, it hurts my feelings and ends up making me feel more upset. I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but maybe in a nicer way?”
Him- “Okay… I’m sorry”
Me- “It’s okay. I’m not trying to blame you because none of its your fault. I just want to let you know how you can best help me in reaching my goals.”
Him- “I feel bad”
Me- “But you didn’t do anything wrong”
Him- “Yeah I’ve been putting all this bad food in front of you. I’ve been selfish”

Anyway, I talked to him about it, letting him know I’m not upset with him. So I am feeling a lot better now that I’ve gotten that out of the way. Hopefully when I come home at the end of the week, and start seeing him more it will be a positive thing for my eating instead of a negative.

So this is the last week of school so my friends I decided we’d all go out to eat tonight. I’m nervous that I will be going over my calorie goals for the day. I am making a game plan so that I can plan to stay on track.

Here are the options…

Chili’s- Guiltless Grill Salmon (480 cal)
PF Changs- Chang’s Vegetarian Lettuce Wraps (420 cal)
Olive Garden- Piccata Salmon w/ Vegetables (440 cal)

So far so good right? And I’m hoping it will be but if we end up going to Olive Garden I’m nervous. Breadsticks, Breadsticks, Breadsticks. I cannot say this enough. They will be right in front of me the entire time. And I can’t just ask them to take them away because my friends will definitely want them. GAH what to do about the breadsticks?

I was so busy whining about my awful weekend that I forgot to mention one big success. Tonight I was driving back to campus with my roommate, I saw a sign for Burgerville and I immediately took the exit. Some fries and a milkshake sounded good. But once I got to the intersection, instead of turning right toward Burgerville…I decided it wasn’t a good idea and I went straight through the intersection back onto the highway. That felt good, and I’m beginning to see that that is the reason I am going to be successful. Small changes add up!!

I’ve been having troubles the past few days. I did so well the first week, I had tons of motivation and I lost 4.8 lbs!! WEE… but ever since my weigh in I’ve been eating like a mad (wo)man! I’ve had 4 days of bad eating.

Thursday- I ended up eating at the campus buffet for lunch AND dinner. I was tired of choosing only the healthy yucky options when they had some really tempting unhealthy options right in front of me that everyone else was eating. =(
Friday- I felt really guilty about Thursday and I ended up eating very little…. til late that night when I ended up binging on chips and salsa, homemade vegetarian tacos, and garlic bread.
Saturday-Started out well… I had a gardenburger and some trail mix for lunch…. then later I had salad rolls and pineapple fried rice w/tofu. Here is where it got bad, then I decided I wanted coldstone, and later I had strawberry shortcake as well.
Today- I snacked on chips and salsa, french bread, frozen pizza and for dinner I had crab legs, potatoes and brussel sprouts. Then later a skinny cow ice cream cone.

Now I just feel bloated and discouraged. I know it’s not the end of the world but right now it feels like it. I was hoping to be in the 150s by the time school starts again at the end of september but I’m just not sure I can do it. Honestly, I’m worried. I do so well when I’m on a schedule and doing my own thing… but this is the last week of school so I’m going back home soon. Which means I’ll be spending lots of time with my bf, not on a schedule, not staying in the same place every night… all BAD for my eating. I need to refocus. I think I am going to take the rest of the night and refocus myself.

First, why do I want to lose weight?
I want to feel better about myself. I want to be able to feel good about my appearance and be confident. I also want to be healthy, and lead an active life.

What do I dislike about being overweight?
I hate the way I look. I have no self confidence. None of my clothes fit. I don’t want to look in the mirror. Don’t want to go shopping. Hate going on tropical vacations because I won’t wear a bathing suit. Feeling tired a lot. Can’t do much without being out of breath. Low self esteem.