I choose now.

I’ve started meditating.  I’ve always done a little bit of meditating while doing my yoga but as far as setting aside a good chunk of time to it, no.   Yesterday and today I spent 30 minutes meditating before I did my yoga and all I can say is WOW!  I thought my yoga was wonderful before but I didn’t know what I was missing!  Spending that time getting into the ‘zone’ made such a huge difference, when I was done I literally felt like I was floating!  Absolutely amazing!

I’m becoming one of those people I used to snicker at, sitting there, eyes closed being all . . weird.  But let me tell you, those ‘weird’ people knew something I didn’t and it was them that should have been snickering at me!

In my yoga dvd’s the girl in them (Ana) has this sort of smirk on her face most of time and I always thought it was kinda odd.  Then while reading reviews of the dvd’s on amazon I read a negative one where the poster commented on her smirk (in a negative way) and someone had replied with something about it making you feel so blissful that smirk.  I thought I got it because I love the dvd’s but I still never smirked during them or anything but after spending that time in meditation before hand I found myself feeling so blissful doing my yoga that I was smirking!!  No joke!  Just when you think you know something is amazing you find a new angle and it only become that much more!

So that’s it!  I want meditation to become a part of my daily life so I’m going to start keeping track of it until it becomes just that!

June has come and gone and very fast at that!  So I’m here to list my June totals and my goals for July.  I weighed in at 121.6 this morning!  Woot, I might just see 120 after all.  So I lost 2.6 pounds this month, I’m good with that.  I’ve also noticed I’m toning up a little more and that’s excellent since that’s what I need the most!

My goals for July are the same as last month, I’d like to still aim for 120 and I’d like to workout 4 days a week, elliptical and yoga all 4 and the 30 day shred on 2 of those days with a minute goal of 1300.  And again I’d like to work on getting the family more active.  We did pretty good last month with walks and zoo and parks so I’d like to keep that up!

Welp, that’s pretty much it!  Here I come July!

Already?  Yep.  Today’s magic number is …

122.6

I can live with that.  Especially after those cookies!  I don’t have a whole lot to say that I didn’t say in my last post, so I guess just reporting my number and wishing everyone a happy Monday!

Today was a bad day, I mean BAD!  I had a KILLER migraine and my allergy’s where going NUTS!!  And no, capitalizing those key words doesn’t even begin to express the ickyness of my day.  My husband and I had an argument and I think I’m starting to feel a few twinges of depression sinking in (but that’s been awhile now, not just today).  So BLAH, today was just not a good day.  Needless to say I didn’t get up and exercise, so unless I do double the workouts on one of these next couple a days I wont be reaching my weekly exercise goal :(  Poo.  But I think I’m going to need to take another extra day off this week anyways so, as far as exercise goes, this weeks shot.

But, on the bright side I also started my period today!!!  Hooray!!  Only 8 days late . . sheesh.  Not sure what that was all about but I’m happy it’s here.  Maybe that was the point, it was feeling a little under appreciated so it felt a good scare would help me to realize how much I love it . . haha . . bleh.

I also have some confessing to do . . I was bad . . I had a couple off plan things the last couple of days one of which were these flipping INCREDIBLE cookies I made.  If you have a paradise bakery near you and have ever had their sugar cookies then this is a clone recipe of those and OMG, I thought I could be good and control myself but boy was I wrong.  Me and my husband both couldn’t stop eating these things!  It makes HUGE cookies and I worked them about to be about 300 whooping calories per cookie!  If I could control myself I could keep them around and have a “bad” breakfast with ONE of these and while not very healthy it would still be a good calorie limit but I can’t so unfortunately this recipe has to go in the back of the drawer and only brought out on special occasions.  I almost wish I never found that recipe.  Oh well.

So, with those cookies and a couple other off plan things thrown in there I’m a little nervous about weigh day.  But the good news is I’m back on track and what’s left of those cookies is going with my husband to work tomorrow for the enjoyment of his co-workers.

I’m trying not to feel too guilty about everything and accept that I can’t be perfect 100% of the time and the most important thing is that I move on and don’t let it become a habit like it once was.  Funny, I remember reading people who were at their goals or very close saying things like it being harder than the big loosing part, etc, etc and thinking “how could it be harder” but I understand now.  It’s the whole balancing the little bit of extra wiggle room you now have without tipping to far to one or the other side!  Ah well, it’s just the next step in all this and I’ll figure it out.

So, that’s what’s new with me!  I truly hope everyone else has had a MUCH MUCH MUCH better last couple days than I have!!

It’s weigh day.  Today’s magic  number is …

125

Magical?  Yea, not so much.  That’s a 2.6 pound GAIN from last week.  So no, magical is not the word I have in mind.  Hmph.  Add to that there is still no sign of my period, zero . . not even a spot . . that puts me at 5 days late.  I know that my IUD has the potential to stop periods but I’ve had the thing for 2 years and it hasn’t stopped so, I don’t know.  I’m still uber tired and lazy feeling, grumpy too.  Now of course since I’m a spazz I got a test and it came out negative so I guess I’ll just keep waiting.

So that’s it, 5 days late, tired, grumpy and 2.6 pounds UP!  BLECH!

I’ve been feeling so lazy the last few days!  Incredibly so!  Like take naps in the middle of the day lazy and that isn’t normal for me.  Don’t get me wrong sometimes I feel a little tired and could probably doze if I laid down but I never do and I never feel like I really NEED too ether so I don’t.  But last couple of days I’ve been just so tired and lazy feeling!  Like fuzzy head sleepy feeling, like just walking tot he other room is a HUGE chore, etc.  Ugh!

I didn’t get up until a half hour before it would be time to get my daughter up this morning so I quickly got my elliptical time in and then did my yoga later in the day with my daughter while normally I would just get up early and do it all in the morning.  I feel like crawling in bed and sleeping as I write this!

Throw on top of that my period is about 3 days late today and I’m not a happy girl.  I have an IUD so the chances of me being pregnant are pretty slim so I’m not sure what else could be causing the delay.  Ugh, ugh, UGH . . that’s all I have to say about how I’m feeling.

UGH!

My period is due like tomorrow and the junk food munchies are hitting me hard.  I want pie, I want pie on top of pie and on top of that I way red vines and peanut butter M&Ms and gummy worms and sour patch kids and nibs and good ‘n plenty’s and mike and ikes and popcorn jelly belly’s and on top of all of that, a white chocolate toblerone!!

Will I have ANY of that?  Highly unlikely but I do wish my period would come and go so I can get past these junk food cravings

It’s that time again!  Today’s magic number is …

122.4

Woowoo, 1.8 pounds down from last week!  Right on!  I haven’t seen a loss like that since April!  So I guess it’s safe to say the whole eating smaller meals more often is working for me now, at least where this week is concerned!  The whole 3 very balanced meals a day thing got me all the way here but I guess it was time for a change and as hard as change can be it can be so worth it!

So, what to say . . . I’m happy about my loss that’s for sure!  I’ve eaten more calories this week and lost more so that’s pretty neato.  Like my last post said, I’m still going to be working on my stopping power and following my body’s signals, if I’m hungry, EAT, if not, STOP!!

Harder than it sounds especially since during my biggest losing stages I was ignoring my hungry feelings, eating at a certain time 3 times a day and finishing my plate even if I was full because my plate was counted out and exactly what I could eat in terms of calories so I ate it!  Full half way or not but lately I’ve been stopping and not getting enough so, well, I explained all this in my last post already no need to go over it again!

Well, not much else to say other than Happy Monday!!!

I have found that my tummy can only hold about a cup of food before I start to feel ’sick’ full and while I was eating only 3 meals a day I was finding that I wasn’t getting quite enough calories because to do that would mean eating to much food at one time and feeling sick.  Then I’d be STARVING by next meal, so over this last week I’ve been testing the whole smaller meals closer together thing and so far I think it’s working out pretty good!  In the end it means I’m eating more calories but no more than a good healthy amount but we’ll see come tomorrow (weigh day) what effect that is having.

I’ve also been working on following my body full signal.  So far this has been one of the hardest things in my ‘life change’.  Knowing very well how many calories are on my plate and knowing that I could eat my whole plate and still be well in my calorie limit, it can be very hard to stop myself even if I’m full since, hey, it’s not like I’m eating anything I can’t or shouldn’t eat right?  But I really need to get better at stopping!  This is one of the skills I need to maintain and just one more step in all of this weight loss rigmarole.  One of the things that helps and that I have to just keep telling myself when faced with the urge to finish my whole plate is “I can have this later”.  It’s not going anywhere and just because I’m full now doesn’t mean in an hour or two when I’m hungry again I can’t eat it, it’s not going to just vanish from my fridge and heck if it does then it’s not like I can’t EVER have whatever it is again.  If I’m full I’m full no need to gobble up my whole plate!

Aside from my inner battling, I think I really like this way of eating.  A lot of the time I’ll be full after only 100-200 calories so it leaves me with extra to spend on a little snack or the rest of whatever I was eating in a couple hours when I start to feel a little hungry again!  I’ve also noticed I don’t sit with bated breath waiting for my next meal because it hasn’t been that long since I last ate!  Keeps the hungry grump’s at bay and well, just the hungry’s away in general!

Of course this leaves the door open for more snacks and more possibility to overdue it but I’m still counting and as long as I don’t go past my ‘full’ or rather ’satisfied’ feeling, I never go over anyways!  How many calories can fit into a cup anyways?  Well, I’m sure a lot with junk food but since all I have around the house in good high volume low calorie foods it’s just not possible to cram that many into a cup.

So, I’m not really sure where I was going with this uber long post other than to put down my newest challenge and I guess I’m thinking about it since weigh day is tomorrow and it’s always a little scary especially when you’ve changed things up a bit!!  We’ll have to wait and see!

Until tomorrow!

It’s weigh day.  Today’s magic number is …

124.2

Yep, no change whatsoever.  Not sure what to say about it.  I guess it’s not bad but dang it I want to at least see if I like 120.  Oh well, I’ll get there and to be honest 124 is not a bad place to be!

So, I don’t really have much else to report.  Just been getting back on routine since my vacation.  Thinking about splitting up my meals a little (like having 4 or 5 smaller meals instead of my normal 3) but other than that, not much.

Happy Monday!!