McCupcake: Cute Face & A Chubby Waist

So, I think I had the worst hangover imaginable today. Last night I got a little carried away with the drinking and Dear Boyfriend had to drag my butt home…which of course lead to me being a complete drunken lunatic. Dear boyfriend had one hell of a strip ripped off of him because he showed up 3 hours late and high. (Yes, high on marajuana!!! SO ANGRY!!) :( I was so dissapointed. He knew it was my birthday party and that I was leaving all weekend.  Unfortunately I fell back to an old crutch and drank myself stupid to try to ignore my anger..but it only made it worse.

Lesson learned.

So, I’ve decided I will not binge drink anymore. 10 beers & a bottle of champagne (it’s my champagne birthday) does NOT do good things to anyone…regardless of what college teaches us. hahaha Needless to say I spent the bulk of the morning snuggling with my toilet and feeling too fuzzy/still drunk to drive. My sister had to drive. Her driving is horrifying to begin with and being hungover and pukey definitely magnified that. lol

So, I couldn’t hold fluids down so I figured that since water won’t stay down I could probably keep solids down. I have baffling logic. lol So we got McDonald’s..and I got 2 double cheese burgers, no fries, biggest mother lovin’ fountain pop I could get my hands on. I managed to keep that down, mind you, it did take me over an hour to eat them.  Then about 4 hours into our journey we got iced cappucino’s at Tim Hortons. So I was bouncing off of the walls and singing along to Lady Gaga….I’m almost as entertaining hungover as I am drunk apparently. hahah Who knew?

Once we arrived at our friend’s townhouse we went to visit Mom. It gets harder and harder to see her. I cried a lot this time. It’s all I seem to do lately. It’s becoming real now.  She opens her eyes and looks around but it’s like all the pieces are there but the puzzle just isn’t coming together. Her head is half shaved, she has that halo spine head contraption on, covered in bruises…and she’s just lost so much muscle mass and weight. She looks so little. :(  She has such a long way to go…It hit me today that the reality might be that when I leave she still may not know that I am her daughter.  She looks at me like she knows me but she doesn’t know why she knows me…When we left there were tears going down her face. It’s so hard to understand if it’s because her eyes were dry and lubricating, or  if it’s because she frustrated, or if it’s because she really does know whats going on but can’t communicate that she understands. Ugh, I’m all bent out of shape over this whole thing. It just hurts me because she is helpless and I cannot do anything to help her. :( The sadness over this whole thing almost consuming me even though she is making amazing progress…I just want my Mom back. I’m going to go to my doctor when I get home and try to make an appointment with a councelor to see if there are ways to deal more effectively. Ook. I gotta change the topic. I’m a wreck again. hahaha Jeeze, who knew I was such a softy? I sure as heck didn’t think I was before all this happened.  

Anyways, back to the crap I’ve been eating. We went to Montana’s for supper and I had half of a grilled steak sandwich and didn’t touch my fries. Had the rest packed up and went through 2 big glasses of iced tea. Dad, my sister and I also split an appietizer of fried calamari. It was interesting to say the least. lol

Dear Boyfriend and I finally set a date and booked tickets to leave on August 6th. So I will be moving that day. So exciting and horrifying all at the same time. Now I have so much planning to do and getting things ready. Blahhh…and the work begins. I don’t think I like this “growing up” business very much.

Anyway Chicks. I should probably get to bed as I have an early morning ahead of me and a draining day as well. Blahh…

Have a great weekend & enjoy the long weekend (for those who have one) .

Filed under: Daily Thoughts