Hey guys!

Sorry I’ve not been around for a while, I’ve been at my parents for a couple of days and working.  How are you all?

I had a very productive shopping day yesterday - £180 in total for me and DP’s clothes.  I had a great time though!  How unreal is that?  It’s the first shopping trip in years that I haven’t burst into tears.  We tried everything on before we bought and I felt really good in everything I’ve bought, which is a feeling I’d have paid twice as much for.

But, today I am a little hormone-fuelled.  Every 12 weeks I get depo provera, which is a hormonal contraceptive injection (I was at stroke risk on the pill).  This however, means that every 12 weeks I go very low on hormones then get filled up with them, so for about a week I’m all over the place.  Unfortunately, DP does sometimes get the brunt of this but mostly it just leaves me over-reacting to most things.  For example, one of my friends can’t make it to my leaving party because he got tickets to T in the Park (a famous Scottish music festival weekend) for his birthday.  I totally understand - tickets are like £200 and it’s a great weekend, but I got totally bummed.  Then my new shoes cut the back of my feet and I actually cried.  Then got even more annoyed because I was crying!  Lol.  I am laughing now because it is so ridiculous but god, I hate hormones.

Other than that, things are ok.  I’m still on track with my points.  I’m so glad the meeting was about al fresco eating because we had a BBQ at my parent’s and I was able to plan ahead and really enjoy it without going out of my point limit.  All the other things I wouldn’t have thought of before, like the burger in a bun with spread, cheese, relish, ketchup, salad…  But I had a plain roll and just the burger and it was only 5 and a half points.  Then I made kebabs from my portion of chicken and chunks of pepper.  I got two kebabs for 2 and a half points!  To top it off I had a skinny cow chocolate ice cream (1.5 points) so I felt really full and proud because I was in my points!  I’m hoping fo a loss this week, but I’m not going to get all freaked out if I don’t - as Betty said, it’s a tried and tested method - all I have to do is follow the plan, get exercise in and I’m there.

Looking over my cleaning analogy, food is all green now it’s just exercise I need to pick up on.  I love earning activity points!

Mango x

I’m exhausted.  Like, properly exhausted.  I had a full work day today with another tomorrow, and the temperature is pushing high twenties (degrees C).  For some of you, that probably doesn’t sound too hot, but for us Scots a hot day is 21 degrees C and this is just the start of it.  It’s meant to just get hotter and hotter.  There government is at the highest warning level for heat so the NHS and care homes etc. can prepare - there’s already been lots of people passing out on public transport because of the heat and the elderly are especially at risk.  On top of that, our power supplies are at risk too because they’re not designed to cope with the heat we’ve been getting so there’s been a lot of power cuts (but more in England than here).

Crazy!

I’m going to my first ever weight watchers meeting tomorrow with one of my good friends.  I’ve only ever done online before and I think I really need the personal support and the more face-to-face accountability.  I don’t know how long my friend will stick with it, but I’m going to do my very best.  However, I’ve had the strangest feeling the last few days that I’m self-sabotaging (over eating, under exercising) though I’ve no idea why.  I just really feel I need someone to step in and just take control for me, tell my what I need to be eating etc. hence the WW.

I just want it to start!  Wish the meeting was tonight.

So, I was still in a bit of a funk on Friday after the whole shopping fiasco.  I had my interview for a placement in the NHS (3 hours every fortnight - not much but a foot on the ladder with a reference from a clinical psychologist = essential!) and got it, but I made a prat of myself.  It was one of those stupid questions that catch you on the hop and I was already feeling a bit uneasy because, well, I just wasn’t sure how to interpret the guy talking to me.  But basically I managed to insult my whole year group by saying I was going on holiday with senior year students because they were more my maturity level.  Now, that’s true, but I do have some good friends in my year and I realised I had just made myself sound an arrogant little (immature) girl, but didn’t know how to dig myself out the hole.  Ugh… I just will have to make up for it with my time there and working with the same guy at university.  But really, I already know it’ll be one of those memories that won’t every go away and I’ll always cringe about.

Anyway, on to explaining the title of my post …  I’m trying to turn my recent negative experience into something positive.  I look at the women in my family.  All but me and one of my cousins are quite overweight.  Me and my cousin are slightly overweight.  I don’t want to be in this category!  I don’t want to follow my mother’s footsteps and do diets for a week, give up, and put on more weight.  I look at my mum and she has good legs and arms, but all her weight’s in her boobs, tummy, face and neck.  She doesn’t really have a neck.  I want to keep mine - I like it!  I know how easy it is to eat yourself into oblivion, but I’m refusing to just resigning myself to being fat, like she has.

Now my next comment makes me feel guilty!  And seem like a hypocrite… I am really not enjoying WW.  I said I was going to stick with it for 3 months, but I just don’t like eating to fill points when I’m not hungry.  I hate having the activity conversion points.  When I counted calories I didn’t convert activity calories, I just ate my limit.  I said that was what I was going to do this time, but when they’re their, they get used.  But by the same token, calorie counting is frustrating for birthdays and events.  I don’t know.  I will keep going while I plan.

I also just updated my stars on W8C and I am half a star from 40 so I am away to do another 30 minutes just so I can get that next green star!!!  LOL.  And I’m glad you like my colourful blog Eileen - I try to add colours into my life every day, they’re so cheery!  My favourite items of clothing are my coloured tights - I have red, blue, jade, purple and pink :)  They brighten any outfit! 

Work was looooong.  It’s a horrible day today, and also the week before payday for most people so I spent 8 hours of doing very little!  I took in a delivery for an hour which passed the time, lifting boxes up and down stairs, lots of heavy lifting etc. (good exercise!) but other than that - nothing!

I was annoyed after step going up to 156.2!  Yesterday I was 155.2 and today I was 153.8lbs, which I was a lot happier with!  DP is making me a meal tonight and we’re having a movie night, so it will be nice just to snuggle in and relax

I’ll update more thoroughly soon, but just wanted to let you know I wasn’t dead!