I’m so glad I took my WW meeting’s 12 week track book.  It’s really got me on the straight and narrow this week and back into the habit already - I can’t have lost it after all!

You know, there are people who know me who have all asked if, after gaining 3lbs, I’ve stopped; if I’ve given up.  I kind of look at them as if they’re crazy and say “Of course not!”  with a laugh.  It seems absurd.  But, when I look back at how I used to behave, in the past their comment would have probably been met with a “yes”.

I don’t know what’s shifted in my head.  I don’t feel like anything has, but some screw must have loosened a bit!  Now, my attitude is that, yes I gained 3lbs but who cares?  If I’ve lost them once I sure as hell can lose them again!  And I will!

I’m looking forward to doing more exercise and getting moving again once my toe has healed up.  Autumn has well and truly started here - with the exception of yesterday, which was gloriously sunny, it’s rained seven days in a row.  That’s ok though.  I’ve got plenty of workout DVD’s, I’ve got cleaning to do, I’ve got a Wii Fit, I’ve got music I can dance to!  I am beginning to be successful in training myself that every little bit counts and that 10 minutes dancing, 30 minutes on the Wii Fit or whatever is better than that time sitting on my ass doing something sedentary.  20 sit ups at night are better than none and will go that little bit further to toning my muscles.  Slowly, slowly.  The turtle wins the race after all!

Oh, and since I can’t comment on your blog Sunny, I was thinking upon your t-shirt problem.  A couple of ideas, anyway.  Are they long enough to reach past your butt?  If so, I think you should go for them with leggings underneath (like the kind that reach mid-calf) and heels to glam them up!  If not, a pair of shorts and heels or cool sandals.  Are you handy with a needle?  Would it be possible to take it in a little?  None of that might be any use, I don’t really know much about American sports-style shirts (which is what I think you meant in your post - sorry if I’m wrong) but I thought I’d say just in case!

Hey again everyone,

I feel like I’ve been gone forever but I haven’t really.  I’m just more coherent again today, the pain is easing and I actually slept for 8 hours last night.  It feels like I haven’t slept properly in forever.  The pain would wake me up, then keep me awake.  Last night, though, was heaven

As I said in one of my previous posts, I got my allocations for next year and I’m really looking forward to my classes.  I’m also getting an Asus Eee PC 1005HA netbook.  I just need to decide whether I want a black or a blue one.  I’ve scoured the internet for ages looking for one - I had a few specs it needed to match up to.  Basically, for £255 this gives me a lightweight, easy to carry laptop that will connect to the internet in uni (unlike my current laptop) with a battery life of 8.5 hours that will definitely last through lectures so I can type notes up as I go rather than spending 3-4 hours doing it afterwards.  In a year when I’m doing so much work, every hour I can save means a lot.  Woop!

One other thing I’ve done this week is to start an award.  It’s called the Queen’s Guide Award, and is the highest accolade you can achieve in Guiding.  As you might know from previous posts, I’m a pack leader of a Brownie unit.  Guiding has different groups for girls from 5 to 26.  As I’m still under 26 I’m in the oldest group, the Senior Section.  The award I’ve signed up to start takes three years to complete and has four huge sections.  It’s a lot of work but I really want to do it!

Some people like to take the mick about being involved in Guiding, but I think it’s a great chance for people like me, who have some spare time, to be role models for impressionable young girls in a world where there aren’t a great selection of role models in the media.  More than that, it’s great fun getting to know these girls, watching them grow up so much in such a short time.  It’s quite an honour really.

Anyway, today I’m off to uni to hand in my keys.  My research assistant post is finished now since I can’t get about (I’m getting a lift in today) and I’m meeting a friend for a diet coke before my weight watchers meeting.  I’ve gained all 5lbs back (humiliating) through laziness and no exercise.  My meeting has this thing where a 12 week tracker gets passed about the class week-to-week so a different member has it each time.  I’m going to ask for it this week to get me back on track with… well, tracking!  Hopefully that will get me back on the straight and narrow. 

Firstly, I apologise for not writing much recently; there’s been a lot going on in dear old Mango’s life at the moment.

I got allocated my classes for fourth year, which I’m totally excited about - I got the exact ones I wanted!  It’s a strange system, but at my university you list your top 10 in order of preference, then get allocated three out of those.  There’s a whole load of strange and crazy rules for how they are allocated, e.g. they should be within the top 7, one should be from the top 2, any language module in the top 7 will be allocated, if you get your first choice your less likely to get you third, and so on.  Somehow (perhaps just by luck) I got the three I really wanted.  Paired with my refound enthusiasm for my dissertation and I am extremely psyched for next year.

I also got a bit of a shock recently.  I have an abnormal mole on my toe which I thought to get checked as it seemed to have gotten darker recently.  I got a letter from the hospital after a week saying I need to go get it removed on Tuesday.  It’s just under a local (scary!) but because the need to cut 2.5x the length of the mole to make sure all of the melanoma is removed and it’s already the length of my toenail they need to cut off a huge part of my toe!  They will send part of it for a biopsy but they don’t think it’s malignant.  I hope not.  But it really made me stop and go “I’m only 20, and that could have been cancer”.  That scared the hell out of me.

So, I’m recharged.  I’m returning to tracking with a renewed effort and the same with activity.  I’ve signed up for the MoonWalk and Race for Life 2010 and I’ll be signing up for the weight challenge again next month.  I’m excited about the two challenges.  The former raises money for breast cancer research, treatment and aid to sufferers; the latter raises money for research into all cancers in the UK.  What good causes!  So it’ll involve a lot of training between now and then.  I’m just walking both, but the MoonWalk itself has two choices of distance - 13.1 miles (a half marathon), which is the one I think I’ll go for! and 26.2 miles (a full marathon).  I’m going to ask my aunty and cousin to join me too - maybe even DP will join in, but he’ll have to wear a bra!  For more information, go to http://www.walkthewalk.org/Home.

I was meant to start uni work today.  It’s not prescribed by our course, I just wanted to get a head start after last term’s debacle with exams but I’ve still not got there.  I’ve been looking over the materials the psychologist I’m volunteering with gave me though, which is something I suppose.

The last two days I’ve been sitting at 11st 0lbs, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to push it into the 10st bracket for Thursday.  I’ll definitely be there by next week though!  When I do get there, DP’s buying me Twilight on DVD.  I’ve seen it at the cinema, but I want to watch it again lol.  Today’s eating hasn’t been to great because I got a tuna mayo sweetcorn wholemeal baguette and a chocolate square :s DP’s making bolognaise for tea, but we’re having it with turkey mince - beef mince is just too expensive (points wise).

As a result of me doing very little I don’t have much to say to blog about, sorry, but hopefully there will be more goss soon!

Mango x

Good evening sister chicks, how are you all?

I’ve had a good day!  My friend and I went for a long walk from Dundee to Broughty Ferry, had a diet coke, then walked back.  It was lovely and sunny, and it was really nice to socialise and get some exercise at the same time.

I had my second Weight Watchers meeting today.  I was pretty nervous; last night DP and I had a (small) spat and I made the bad decision to over-indulge.  But I lost a pound and a half!  I was so over-excited, it was almost like getting my exam results again!  It incentivised me to keep going, stay dedicated and move forward on it.  Goal is a pound a half closer and I can almost taste it!  One happy girly.

I’ve one more meeting before we’re off to France, but today I bought the exec kit that has plenty of supplies in it; 3 month tracker, shop and restaurant points (so now I know exactly how many calories are in everything from Starbucks!) a points calculator and a tape measure.  I took my measurements last week, and I’ll take them every month - in this case just when I get back from holiday on the 2nd or 3rd of August and I’ll post them then.  Still totally psyched over it!

My writing book is arriving tomorrow - happy about that too! :D  I have written short stories for years but this time I’m going for a full book.  I’ve had an idea brewing for a fortnight but I am a fussy writer - I need the perfect book to write in, it should be here tomorrow and I can start writing!  Yey

I hope you’re all having great Thursdays!

Mango x

Hey guys!

Sorry I’ve not been around for a while, I’ve been at my parents for a couple of days and working.  How are you all?

I had a very productive shopping day yesterday - £180 in total for me and DP’s clothes.  I had a great time though!  How unreal is that?  It’s the first shopping trip in years that I haven’t burst into tears.  We tried everything on before we bought and I felt really good in everything I’ve bought, which is a feeling I’d have paid twice as much for.

But, today I am a little hormone-fuelled.  Every 12 weeks I get depo provera, which is a hormonal contraceptive injection (I was at stroke risk on the pill).  This however, means that every 12 weeks I go very low on hormones then get filled up with them, so for about a week I’m all over the place.  Unfortunately, DP does sometimes get the brunt of this but mostly it just leaves me over-reacting to most things.  For example, one of my friends can’t make it to my leaving party because he got tickets to T in the Park (a famous Scottish music festival weekend) for his birthday.  I totally understand - tickets are like £200 and it’s a great weekend, but I got totally bummed.  Then my new shoes cut the back of my feet and I actually cried.  Then got even more annoyed because I was crying!  Lol.  I am laughing now because it is so ridiculous but god, I hate hormones.

Other than that, things are ok.  I’m still on track with my points.  I’m so glad the meeting was about al fresco eating because we had a BBQ at my parent’s and I was able to plan ahead and really enjoy it without going out of my point limit.  All the other things I wouldn’t have thought of before, like the burger in a bun with spread, cheese, relish, ketchup, salad…  But I had a plain roll and just the burger and it was only 5 and a half points.  Then I made kebabs from my portion of chicken and chunks of pepper.  I got two kebabs for 2 and a half points!  To top it off I had a skinny cow chocolate ice cream (1.5 points) so I felt really full and proud because I was in my points!  I’m hoping fo a loss this week, but I’m not going to get all freaked out if I don’t - as Betty said, it’s a tried and tested method - all I have to do is follow the plan, get exercise in and I’m there.

Looking over my cleaning analogy, food is all green now it’s just exercise I need to pick up on.  I love earning activity points!

Mango x

So I am feeling a lot better today

I got up early after a good sleep and went off to Boots (high-street beauty/pharmacy etc kind of place).  I got the rest of my skin care products which begin with my new WW regimen tomorrow :)  Boots have an amazing own-brand line called No.7 and I won’t use anything else.  Their make up and skin care products are quite expensive, but they’re the only kind that really work with my combination skin and don’t give me an allergic reaction.  I have weird oily to combination skin and pretty much all moisturisers make me either more oily or make my skin tacky but I heart No.7 which is just perfect!  So all in all, I’ve spent close to £80 on skin care alone!  And that’s only for cleanser, toner, lip care, eye gel, day sorbet (moisturiser) and night sorbet.  They’re huge fat pots though.  I kind of balk at the money, but I was getting that for holiday anyway and hey, beautiful skin makes me feel gorgeous.

Work was another long day (the temperature’s gone up yet again!)  I wasn’t meant to be working today but one of my workmates is moving house so I covered his shift.  It works out ok though as he’s buying my drinks for my leaving party! :)  Both the managers were in pissy moods but hey, it’s done now and I’ve got tomorrow off.  Back on Saturday, but let’s not think about that!

SO on to my very first Weight Watcher’s meeting!

It was really, really good.  My friend turned up and we went in and got our books and got weighed.  It’s a big meeting and about 40 people go in but only 5 (including me) stayed for the actual meeting.  A lot of people apparently just go in to get weighed and that’s it, which I wasn’t aware of.  That’s what my friend did.  She kind of scoffed a bit then left.  I do love her, but she’s one of the incredibly intelligent people who thinks they know the answers to every single one of life’s dilemmas and does have a tendency to look down her nose at some things.  That worried me a bit and I felt quite apprehensive, but I was happier once she left.  I also found another friend of mine goes, which I didn’t know about and she’s lovely.  She stayed for the meeting too.

My leader is absolutely lovely!  She remembers everyone’s name and their weaknesses and she spent quite a bit of time with me after going over everything with me.  I explained I’d had so many false starts and was quite apprehensive but she was very encouraging and I did feel really welcome there.  I’m feeling really motivated and I’m looking forward to going next week!  I don’t know if my friend will go back, but I will.  I’m aiming for 1lb a week.  I’m starting at 11st 5lbs, so there’s a way to go.  But I feel I can get there

Mango x

I’m exhausted.  Like, properly exhausted.  I had a full work day today with another tomorrow, and the temperature is pushing high twenties (degrees C).  For some of you, that probably doesn’t sound too hot, but for us Scots a hot day is 21 degrees C and this is just the start of it.  It’s meant to just get hotter and hotter.  There government is at the highest warning level for heat so the NHS and care homes etc. can prepare - there’s already been lots of people passing out on public transport because of the heat and the elderly are especially at risk.  On top of that, our power supplies are at risk too because they’re not designed to cope with the heat we’ve been getting so there’s been a lot of power cuts (but more in England than here).

Crazy!

I’m going to my first ever weight watchers meeting tomorrow with one of my good friends.  I’ve only ever done online before and I think I really need the personal support and the more face-to-face accountability.  I don’t know how long my friend will stick with it, but I’m going to do my very best.  However, I’ve had the strangest feeling the last few days that I’m self-sabotaging (over eating, under exercising) though I’ve no idea why.  I just really feel I need someone to step in and just take control for me, tell my what I need to be eating etc. hence the WW.

I just want it to start!  Wish the meeting was tonight.

So, I was still in a bit of a funk on Friday after the whole shopping fiasco.  I had my interview for a placement in the NHS (3 hours every fortnight - not much but a foot on the ladder with a reference from a clinical psychologist = essential!) and got it, but I made a prat of myself.  It was one of those stupid questions that catch you on the hop and I was already feeling a bit uneasy because, well, I just wasn’t sure how to interpret the guy talking to me.  But basically I managed to insult my whole year group by saying I was going on holiday with senior year students because they were more my maturity level.  Now, that’s true, but I do have some good friends in my year and I realised I had just made myself sound an arrogant little (immature) girl, but didn’t know how to dig myself out the hole.  Ugh… I just will have to make up for it with my time there and working with the same guy at university.  But really, I already know it’ll be one of those memories that won’t every go away and I’ll always cringe about.

Anyway, on to explaining the title of my post …  I’m trying to turn my recent negative experience into something positive.  I look at the women in my family.  All but me and one of my cousins are quite overweight.  Me and my cousin are slightly overweight.  I don’t want to be in this category!  I don’t want to follow my mother’s footsteps and do diets for a week, give up, and put on more weight.  I look at my mum and she has good legs and arms, but all her weight’s in her boobs, tummy, face and neck.  She doesn’t really have a neck.  I want to keep mine - I like it!  I know how easy it is to eat yourself into oblivion, but I’m refusing to just resigning myself to being fat, like she has.

Now my next comment makes me feel guilty!  And seem like a hypocrite… I am really not enjoying WW.  I said I was going to stick with it for 3 months, but I just don’t like eating to fill points when I’m not hungry.  I hate having the activity conversion points.  When I counted calories I didn’t convert activity calories, I just ate my limit.  I said that was what I was going to do this time, but when they’re their, they get used.  But by the same token, calorie counting is frustrating for birthdays and events.  I don’t know.  I will keep going while I plan.

I also just updated my stars on W8C and I am half a star from 40 so I am away to do another 30 minutes just so I can get that next green star!!!  LOL.  And I’m glad you like my colourful blog Eileen - I try to add colours into my life every day, they’re so cheery!  My favourite items of clothing are my coloured tights - I have red, blue, jade, purple and pink :)  They brighten any outfit! 

I feel a little down today chicks.  I’m not putting in food etc, because I’m using my WW tracker, but I just feel a little lost today.  Yesterday I did 40 minutes of walking, a 50 minute step class (that almost killed me) and half an hour on the stationary back after just because I wanted to get that second exercise star.  I weighed myself this morning and I’d put on 2lbs.  2lbs taking me to 156.2lbs.  I actually shed a couple of tears I was so disappointed.  Really, bitterly disappointed.

I didn’t give up today, I went to the gym but not as long because I was quite sore.  I did 40 minutes of walking, 20 minutes of elliptical and 30 minutes on the bike.  I used some of my activity points because it is my cousin’s birthday, where we went to Pizza Express.  They do “lighter” made pizzas where the base is half the calories so I got one of them.

I’m not particularly enjoying WW today.  Part of that is because I gained today, I suppose.  However, I’ve been at this for 11 days now, and I’m 1.2lbs heavier than when I started.  I just want to say screw points, 1000 calories a day and that’s it.  I feel deflated today, which is unlike me,

I’m sorry for the moody post today, but I didnt feel I could honestly write something upbeat today.  My apologies, I’ll try to be better tomorrow!

Mango x