Hey again everyone,

I feel like I’ve been gone forever but I haven’t really.  I’m just more coherent again today, the pain is easing and I actually slept for 8 hours last night.  It feels like I haven’t slept properly in forever.  The pain would wake me up, then keep me awake.  Last night, though, was heaven

As I said in one of my previous posts, I got my allocations for next year and I’m really looking forward to my classes.  I’m also getting an Asus Eee PC 1005HA netbook.  I just need to decide whether I want a black or a blue one.  I’ve scoured the internet for ages looking for one - I had a few specs it needed to match up to.  Basically, for £255 this gives me a lightweight, easy to carry laptop that will connect to the internet in uni (unlike my current laptop) with a battery life of 8.5 hours that will definitely last through lectures so I can type notes up as I go rather than spending 3-4 hours doing it afterwards.  In a year when I’m doing so much work, every hour I can save means a lot.  Woop!

One other thing I’ve done this week is to start an award.  It’s called the Queen’s Guide Award, and is the highest accolade you can achieve in Guiding.  As you might know from previous posts, I’m a pack leader of a Brownie unit.  Guiding has different groups for girls from 5 to 26.  As I’m still under 26 I’m in the oldest group, the Senior Section.  The award I’ve signed up to start takes three years to complete and has four huge sections.  It’s a lot of work but I really want to do it!

Some people like to take the mick about being involved in Guiding, but I think it’s a great chance for people like me, who have some spare time, to be role models for impressionable young girls in a world where there aren’t a great selection of role models in the media.  More than that, it’s great fun getting to know these girls, watching them grow up so much in such a short time.  It’s quite an honour really.

Anyway, today I’m off to uni to hand in my keys.  My research assistant post is finished now since I can’t get about (I’m getting a lift in today) and I’m meeting a friend for a diet coke before my weight watchers meeting.  I’ve gained all 5lbs back (humiliating) through laziness and no exercise.  My meeting has this thing where a 12 week tracker gets passed about the class week-to-week so a different member has it each time.  I’m going to ask for it this week to get me back on track with… well, tracking!  Hopefully that will get me back on the straight and narrow. 

Firstly, I apologise for not writing much recently; there’s been a lot going on in dear old Mango’s life at the moment.

I got allocated my classes for fourth year, which I’m totally excited about - I got the exact ones I wanted!  It’s a strange system, but at my university you list your top 10 in order of preference, then get allocated three out of those.  There’s a whole load of strange and crazy rules for how they are allocated, e.g. they should be within the top 7, one should be from the top 2, any language module in the top 7 will be allocated, if you get your first choice your less likely to get you third, and so on.  Somehow (perhaps just by luck) I got the three I really wanted.  Paired with my refound enthusiasm for my dissertation and I am extremely psyched for next year.

I also got a bit of a shock recently.  I have an abnormal mole on my toe which I thought to get checked as it seemed to have gotten darker recently.  I got a letter from the hospital after a week saying I need to go get it removed on Tuesday.  It’s just under a local (scary!) but because the need to cut 2.5x the length of the mole to make sure all of the melanoma is removed and it’s already the length of my toenail they need to cut off a huge part of my toe!  They will send part of it for a biopsy but they don’t think it’s malignant.  I hope not.  But it really made me stop and go “I’m only 20, and that could have been cancer”.  That scared the hell out of me.

So, I’m recharged.  I’m returning to tracking with a renewed effort and the same with activity.  I’ve signed up for the MoonWalk and Race for Life 2010 and I’ll be signing up for the weight challenge again next month.  I’m excited about the two challenges.  The former raises money for breast cancer research, treatment and aid to sufferers; the latter raises money for research into all cancers in the UK.  What good causes!  So it’ll involve a lot of training between now and then.  I’m just walking both, but the MoonWalk itself has two choices of distance - 13.1 miles (a half marathon), which is the one I think I’ll go for! and 26.2 miles (a full marathon).  I’m going to ask my aunty and cousin to join me too - maybe even DP will join in, but he’ll have to wear a bra!  For more information, go to http://www.walkthewalk.org/Home.

I was meant to start uni work today.  It’s not prescribed by our course, I just wanted to get a head start after last term’s debacle with exams but I’ve still not got there.  I’ve been looking over the materials the psychologist I’m volunteering with gave me though, which is something I suppose.

The last two days I’ve been sitting at 11st 0lbs, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to push it into the 10st bracket for Thursday.  I’ll definitely be there by next week though!  When I do get there, DP’s buying me Twilight on DVD.  I’ve seen it at the cinema, but I want to watch it again lol.  Today’s eating hasn’t been to great because I got a tuna mayo sweetcorn wholemeal baguette and a chocolate square :s DP’s making bolognaise for tea, but we’re having it with turkey mince - beef mince is just too expensive (points wise).

As a result of me doing very little I don’t have much to say to blog about, sorry, but hopefully there will be more goss soon!

Mango x

I’m having a lovely day today.  The fog has been burnt off by the sun and it’s turned into an absolutely beautiful day.  I’ve been out for a walk to and from uni and at the moment I’ve got the TV on in the background and I’m finishing off the final parts of my Brownie Guide Leadership Qualification.  It’s one of those days where I get reflective, but in a nice way.  It’s one of those days I look at where I feel thankful for a lot of things and I feel proud of a lot of things and look at things I want to do.

I’m proud of my academic achievements.  Today was the prize giving ceremony at university so now I have a certificate to frame and put up on my wall.  (The cheque’s been put into my bank account and I’m especially thankful for that, it couldn’t have come at a better time!)  A lot of the people were in their graduation robes and it just reaffirmed how hard I need (and want) to work so that when it’s my turn to put on those robes next year for my graduation I can feel truly proud.

I’m thankful for my opportunity to get to university, for my parents being able to support me so I can focus completely on my studies next year.  I’m thankful for my health and my peace of mind.  I’m thankful for this new “at peace” mentality. I’m thankful for all you chicks here, who keep me on the straight and narrow and a place to tell my own story.

I’m making progress.  Maybe not weight wise or size wise right now (I don’t know, I’m not weighing or measuring any more) but I am feeling a lot happier.  I’m still committed to making a healthier, fitter me.  DP and I are budgetting so I can start a dance class next semester, which I’ve wanted to do since we moved here.  Plus I’m doing my Walk With Me! every day and still enjoying it.  I’ve come to the conclusion that if you want to move more it’s a good choice.  Yes, it’s basically a step counter, but it motivates me more than any other one I’ve had.

I want to keep moving, to keep making progress.  I want to change the world one person at a time :)  That’s the life mission I want to dedicate myself to

Days like today make me feel hopeful and ambitious and ready to take on anything.  I wish I could share the feeling with you, but since that doesn’t go through the internet cables too well here’s some encouragement instead:

You’re wonderful!  Being here, working as part of this community, you’re streets ahead.  That little sunny feeling you get when you lose a pound or push yourself to a new limit in your workout or the quiet satisfaction when you get your house spotless - internalise it, make it your little inner sun that brightens your mood when it just feels too hard.  Make use of what being a community means - come here when you need support and you’ll get it!  You’re turning your life around.  Be proud, be strong and well done!  You’re all inspirational

Mango x

Chicks I have to say, you are all so amazing.  Again I want to say thank you so much for all your lovely comments, you really are all the best.  You all know I’ve been struggling recently and it’s no deviation from the truth to say it is all your support that has got me through it.  More than my friends or DP, it is my friends here who all care so much and know exactly what it’s like to lose focus who’ve brought me back.  I have a big smile today!

I got some other news from the university today, too.  I won the Philip Burgess Prize, which is an award for outstanding contribution to the School of Psychology over the last academic year.  It really is an honour to be awarded it.  I just want to help people, but it is lovely to be recognised for the work you do.  I am attending the prize-giving ceremony on the 24th of June.  There’s also a £116 award, which is so nice!  The award was set up by a previous lecturer of the School, who set it up to recognise students who help out and make a difference.  I hope he’s at the ceremony so I can thank him in person.

I got in a 90 minute walk today for my “moving”, and I will do some crunches later too.  I am a bit of a freak but I love doing crunches.  Well, more I like the feeling of working my muscles.  I’m also going to get the new DS game “Walk With Me!” from work tomorrow.

It’s pretty expensive - £49.99 retail price, but I get 25% discount (the benefit of working in a games store) and have store credit from trading old things in so I won’t have to pay for it.  I know essentially it’s a bit gimmicky and a pedometer does the same thing but the game focuses more on moving rather than the specifics of what you’ve walked.  And if I’m really fed up of it, I can always return it.  Glorified step counter I know, but I’m a sucker for gadgets haha.

I hope you are all having great days and that you have good weekends.  I’m working all day tomorrow (when it’s supposed to be sunny, boo) till 6.15pm but the sun’s up until 11.45pm here until summer solstice anyway, so I should get to enjoy some sunshine.  Also working 5 hours on Sunday but it’s supposed to be torrential rain then so I don’t mind too much

Mango x

Well that’s it - I am well and truly FREE!

The exam today wasn’t as bad as I had feared.  I was very lucky with questions, and they were ones I had revised for.  I think I’ve done enough and that’s all I want to say about it, I am DONE!  The only thing I’ll add is that it is weird correcting myself now - “No Mango, you don’t need to feel guilty for checking email and blogs”!

And today didn’t go as badly as I thought it might have foodwise.  It could’ve been a hell of a lot worse!  And I got two hours walking today, woop woop!

Exam food:  Dairy Milk

Lunch: one burger roll, one sausage on a roll

Tea: lentil curry with wild rice

After-tea snack: some Maltesers

Water: 86oz

Exercise: 2 hours walking, half of which was with groceries!

And I am too tired to colour code or add more to this post right now (got about 2 and a half hours of sleep last night) but rest assured exercise is going up a gear from tomorrow!

Well obviously given that I have more revision to do, procrastination is my preferred option right now.  I am not particularly hopeful for tomorrow’s exam.  I do know pretty much all my notes (apart from what I’m learning today) but while this is the layman-friendly baby subject the lecturers are harsh with their questions and even harsher with their marking.

I had a better weigh in today (= happy Mango!) and can’t wait till tomorrow afternoon!  All my classmates and I are going to Magdalen Green, a big wide open park to have a BBQ and play rounders :)  And I am going to be super active doing a MAJOR overhaul of this flat.  I tell you, biohazard suits should be worn at the moment - this is what happens when I don’t have time to do the cleaning, bf’s “picking up the slack” is little more than, well… nothing really!  AND now exams are over I will be earning super stars WOOHOO!  Gym when it’s rainy, walking when it’s sunny or playing rounders or just tossing a ball about I’ll be able to be outside again rather than stuck in learning stuff!

Weight Today: 154.2lbs (-0.6lbs)

Brunch: 2 slices of reheated veggie pizza

Afternoon snack: two plums

Tea: chilli con carne with brown rice, petit filous for pudding

Water: 86oz

Exercise: 35 minutes walking to post office and around town

Ok so updating then…  It’s 11.05pm on the night before the exam and I can tell you I am officially down-and-out terrified.  I know I know, there’s no more learning I can do now, I’ve done the best I can in a short space of time, it takes a hell of a bad answer to fail.  Regardless, I am TERRIFIED.  I can tell you now ladies, tomorrow will not be an OP food day, I am going to Tonic for my lunch (my favourite lunch-style bistro/restaurant) because I haven’t been there since February and it is a huge treat.  Also, I will probably be having some cider or what not because I will be *shell shocked*.  But there will probably be quite a lot of walking as well, so not to worry.

If you don’t hear from me tomorrow, I’m not dead, I’m probably just passed out in a hibernatory state.  See you on the other side chicks; let’s hope I’m the same person…

Mango x

Ugh today has not been a good food day!

My exam went quite well though (finally - one exam I don’t feel sick about!) and I am studying later for the next one; Developmental Psychology.  I’m also making headway about gaining clinical experience.  A psychologist on the clinical psychology forum I’m a member of got in touch saying a 14-25hour vacancy is coming up in my area.  It’s a lot of hours, but an incredible experience, so even the interview would be a really good opportunity for me.

Also, DP finally kicked his butt into gear!  He’s got out of his funk and cleaned up a little, thank goodness.  Anyway, I’m off to make tea in a minute.  The cheesecake below was ridiculous! I was subsumed by “aaaaaah chocolate!” hormones, and couldn’t in any good conscience claim an OP food day! I am adding another contingency - only one piece of chocolate a day.  I don’t know what possesed me today, I’m just glad I reasserted self control before I ate the whole damn thing.  Naughty mango…

Weight Today: 154lbs (+/- 0lbs)

Breakfast: none

Lunch: tuna sweetcorn baguette on wholemeal with mixed peppers, plus a caramel slice

Afternoon snack: slice of cheesecake - around 540kcal, oh dear!

Tea: homemade risotto

Water: 104oz!

Exercise: 45 minute walk, 50 straight sit ups, 20 left side twists, 20 right side twists, 60 reps of 17.4lb weights

I love my risotto. I have a full-fat recipe (the original one I concocted) and a lower-cal one that I adjusted.  Instead of chicken I use extra lean turkey, red peppers and green peas.  I changed out the 35g of butter for 20g of low-fat margerine and change the richer italian cheese for a smaller amount of parmesan.  It is DELICIOUS and my token dish.  I am proud of it

Mango x

Brace yourself girls, this is sent to be a long post!  It’s been such an up and down day I feel like I’ve lived out 72 hours rather than under 24!

As I said in my last post there was all that drama with the police and stupid criminals last night, which meant I didn’t sleep tremendously.  I was horribly anxious this morning and felt to sick to eat so I’m afraid I didn’t weigh-in this morning; I couldn’t face extra stress!  My exam this morning was a 3 hour paper on Biological Psychology, Performance and Perception and is the worst subject for me.  It wasn’t a good exam and I’m sure if I passed it’s only a C3 (C-) or a D.  However, it’s over now and I’m focusing for the next one - Social Psychology and Individual Differences on Thursday afternoon.  Exams will all be over in a week, which simultaneously feels like forever and not nearly enough time.  I’ll get there though! Study hard…

Food today hasn’t been brilliant.  After the exam I went for lunch with some classmates and ordered a burger and fries with a pint of Magner’s cider (it was that kind of shellshock).  I ate the chips - there were only 9 little totsy ones! - and after two bites of the burger I decided I didn’t like it enough to make it worth the calories. I had a quarter of my pint; it took enough time for me to drink that to take the edge from my anxiety.  I got a baguette from my favourite sandwich deli instead, along with a little treat.  It’s 9pm now and I’m only just starting to get tickles of hunger.  If I have anything it will probably be only a small bowl of pasta with pesto.  I LOVE pesto!!

Weight today: ???

Breakfast: none - too anxious!

Lunch: two bites of a bad burger, 9 small fries then wholemeal tuna mayo sweetcorn baguette and a caramel shortcake

Afternoon snack: one maryland cookie (small), sunmaid raisins

Tea: tbc

Water: 80oz!!

Exercise: 45 minute walk, 50 straight sit ups, 20 left side twists, 20 right side twists, 40 reps of 17.4lb weights

I am super pleased with myself about my water, 80z is easier when you have pint glasses and a little diluting juice :)  The exercise was good too.  I cycled between the weights and different types of sit ups to vary it a bit and my stomach has that delicious “worked hard” feeling.

But the best thing about today - I joined Eileen’s May Challenge and I am totally, uber excited about it!  Seriously, I never knew I could be so damn motivated about little pixel stars!!  I have four from 2 on plan food days and the accumulated exercise.  I am determined to get a GREEN star as soon as I can!  Thank you a hundred times Eileen for motivating me - good job!

And McCupcake - I’m glad you got something from the paper.  It just clicked with me when I was studying that it was so relevant to what we’re all doing here!

Take care all,

Mango x

My brain is currently enforcing an embargo upon any study-related activities.  How irritating.  I have an exam on Tuesday and while reasonably well prepared I still need to refine my knowledge.  Partly it is my fault for cutting it far to close to the wire to start studying, but at least I have learned from my error for next year.  However, when I am sitting here thinking “I need to learn this” and my brain just wont compute it is annoying.  I don’t have time to take breaks, but apparently my body has run out of adrenaline and cortisol to produce to get me into gear.

The embargo doesn’t cover anything else though, so I am still feeling highly motivated!  DP is at work until 9.45pm, so I am making chilli con carne for tea and eating mine early.  Once he’s scarfed down his (because no matter what I tell him he simply refuses to eat slowly) we are going for our walk. Not sure where, just a wee wander probably.

I took my starting weight today - 155lbs. I hate the 150’s.  I’ve been in them for a year!  And normally around the 155 mark too so it seems tantalising close to the 140’s yet so far away.  I am going to work hard to break that barrier down soon!

Thank you inkheatmeg for your comment, well done you for sticking it out!  I am hoping my boyfriend will continue to muck in and do his bit, but I have learnt that it takes 90 days to establish a habit, so as long as we make it to that point I’ll have established that habit by then!

Weight Today: 155lbs

Breakfast: wholemeal toast with raspberry jam

Morning snack: mini Twirl bar (140kcal)

Lunch: tuna steak and a pear

Afternoon snack: two maryland cookies (small)

Tea: chilli con carne made with lean steak mince, chilli kindey beans, chilli sauce and brown rice; with a pinch of grated cheese on top

Water: 64oz

Exercise: 30 minute walk (up hills!) and 20 reps of 17.6lb weights