I think I am probably going to keep with my blogspot blog I feel.  I hope you wont hold that against me, and that you’ll still come to visit.  And that I can do the September challenge on W8C with you.

Love,

Mango x

You know, there are people who know me who have all asked if, after gaining 3lbs, I’ve stopped; if I’ve given up.  I kind of look at them as if they’re crazy and say “Of course not!”  with a laugh.  It seems absurd.  But, when I look back at how I used to behave, in the past their comment would have probably been met with a “yes”.

I don’t know what’s shifted in my head.  I don’t feel like anything has, but some screw must have loosened a bit!  Now, my attitude is that, yes I gained 3lbs but who cares?  If I’ve lost them once I sure as hell can lose them again!  And I will!

I’m looking forward to doing more exercise and getting moving again once my toe has healed up.  Autumn has well and truly started here - with the exception of yesterday, which was gloriously sunny, it’s rained seven days in a row.  That’s ok though.  I’ve got plenty of workout DVD’s, I’ve got cleaning to do, I’ve got a Wii Fit, I’ve got music I can dance to!  I am beginning to be successful in training myself that every little bit counts and that 10 minutes dancing, 30 minutes on the Wii Fit or whatever is better than that time sitting on my ass doing something sedentary.  20 sit ups at night are better than none and will go that little bit further to toning my muscles.  Slowly, slowly.  The turtle wins the race after all!

Oh, and since I can’t comment on your blog Sunny, I was thinking upon your t-shirt problem.  A couple of ideas, anyway.  Are they long enough to reach past your butt?  If so, I think you should go for them with leggings underneath (like the kind that reach mid-calf) and heels to glam them up!  If not, a pair of shorts and heels or cool sandals.  Are you handy with a needle?  Would it be possible to take it in a little?  None of that might be any use, I don’t really know much about American sports-style shirts (which is what I think you meant in your post - sorry if I’m wrong) but I thought I’d say just in case!

I compare myself to others in Guiding.  Will I be a better pack leader?  Am I making as much of a difference as X, Y and Z?  Should I be doing more?  And we all compare ourselves when it comes to weight.  Am I lighter than her?  Why am I not losing weight as fast?  Why do I slip up where she has rock-solid commitment?

Slowly, the line between healthy and obsessive comparison blurs.  My academic comparisons make me strive to achieve, but my weight comparisons drive me to despair.  Why?  Because there’s too many variables!  That other girl might get up at 4am and work out for 2 hours every day, I might be retaining water, we might have different diets, she might be wheat-intolerant and so is no slave to carbs.

So I’m not doing it anymore.  I’ll go to Weight Watchers and mark my points and my exercise and my weigh in every week and my only comparison will be “Did I do better than last week?  Am I finding it easier?  Did I snack less?  Did I do more exercise?“  I can only realistically compare myself to myself because I’m the only person who has exactly the same experience and lifestyle etc. week on week!

When I compare myself to last week (so far), I am tracking again, which is an improvement; I slipped up yesterday with a chocolate snack but I’ve moved on and am back at it today.

Only this kind of comparison is going to get me through weight loss and when I stand at the end of my journey stones lighter, and ONLY THEN, can I say “Good job.”

I feel like I’ve been gone forever but I haven’t really.  I’m just more coherent again today, the pain is easing and I actually slept for 8 hours last night.  It feels like I haven’t slept properly in forever.  The pain would wake me up, then keep me awake.  Last night, though, was heaven

As I said in one of my previous posts, I got my allocations for next year and I’m really looking forward to my classes.  I’m also getting an Asus Eee PC 1005HA netbook.  I just need to decide whether I want a black or a blue one.  I’ve scoured the internet for ages looking for one - I had a few specs it needed to match up to.  Basically, for £255 this gives me a lightweight, easy to carry laptop that will connect to the internet in uni (unlike my current laptop) with a battery life of 8.5 hours that will definitely last through lectures so I can type notes up as I go rather than spending 3-4 hours doing it afterwards.  In a year when I’m doing so much work, every hour I can save means a lot.  Woop!

One other thing I’ve done this week is to start an award.  It’s called the Queen’s Guide Award, and is the highest accolade you can achieve in Guiding.  As you might know from previous posts, I’m a pack leader of a Brownie unit.  Guiding has different groups for girls from 5 to 26.  As I’m still under 26 I’m in the oldest group, the Senior Section.  The award I’ve signed up to start takes three years to complete and has four huge sections.  It’s a lot of work but I really want to do it!

Some people like to take the mick about being involved in Guiding, but I think it’s a great chance for people like me, who have some spare time, to be role models for impressionable young girls in a world where there aren’t a great selection of role models in the media.  More than that, it’s great fun getting to know these girls, watching them grow up so much in such a short time.  It’s quite an honour really.

Anyway, today I’m off to uni to hand in my keys.  My research assistant post is finished now since I can’t get about (I’m getting a lift in today) and I’m meeting a friend for a diet coke before my weight watchers meeting.  I’ve gained all 5lbs back (humiliating) through laziness and no exercise.  My meeting has this thing where a 12 week tracker gets passed about the class week-to-week so a different member has it each time.  I’m going to ask for it this week to get me back on track with… well, tracking!  Hopefully that will get me back on the straight and narrow. 

I got allocated my classes for fourth year, which I’m totally excited about - I got the exact ones I wanted!  It’s a strange system, but at my university you list your top 10 in order of preference, then get allocated three out of those.  There’s a whole load of strange and crazy rules for how they are allocated, e.g. they should be within the top 7, one should be from the top 2, any language module in the top 7 will be allocated, if you get your first choice your less likely to get you third, and so on.  Somehow (perhaps just by luck) I got the three I really wanted.  Paired with my refound enthusiasm for my dissertation and I am extremely psyched for next year.

I also got a bit of a shock recently.  I have an abnormal mole on my toe which I thought to get checked as it seemed to have gotten darker recently.  I got a letter from the hospital after a week saying I need to go get it removed on Tuesday.  It’s just under a local (scary!) but because the need to cut 2.5x the length of the mole to make sure all of the melanoma is removed and it’s already the length of my toenail they need to cut off a huge part of my toe!  They will send part of it for a biopsy but they don’t think it’s malignant.  I hope not.  But it really made me stop and go “I’m only 20, and that could have been cancer”.  That scared the hell out of me.

So, I’m recharged.  I’m returning to tracking with a renewed effort and the same with activity.  I’ve signed up for the MoonWalk and Race for Life 2010 and I’ll be signing up for the weight challenge again next month.  I’m excited about the two challenges.  The former raises money for breast cancer research, treatment and aid to sufferers; the latter raises money for research into all cancers in the UK.  What good causes!  So it’ll involve a lot of training between now and then.  I’m just walking both, but the MoonWalk itself has two choices of distance - 13.1 miles (a half marathon), which is the one I think I’ll go for! and 26.2 miles (a full marathon).  I’m going to ask my aunty and cousin to join me too - maybe even DP will join in, but he’ll have to wear a bra!  For more information, go to http://www.walkthewalk.org/Home.