It’s the 31st of May already, I can’t quite believe it!  Simultaneously though, it feels like this month has been the equivalent of two and a half normal months; I’ve done so much studying, sat three exams, gone to Skye for a week and all the other things in between!

Skye was a great holiday.  It was lovely to get away with my friends and I came back feeling rejuvenated and ready to go.  I also had something of an epiphany about my relationship with DP, but the good kind!  To tell the truth it was all to do with a dream I had, but don’t really remember.  I just remember lying in that half-waking half-sleeping state where you are still partly existing in your dream, but are aware you’re waking up.  I felt so contented and like a little bubble had spread around me - protecting me - and radiating from my heart out.  I’m not sure what clicked in my brain, but I woke up with such conviction that this man loves me with all his heart, and even if he didn’t it wouldn’t matter because I am truly devoted to him, and that such an emotion is not only incredibly rare but also uplifting.  Sounds a bit teen-romance perhaps, but ever since I’ve been dealing with things much better, less frustrated, more optimistic.  I have a little happy sun in my heart.

Moving on from my nauseating sentimentality, my weigh in today was AWFUL!  157.6lbs.  So overall this month, 2.6lbs gain.  NOT GOOD!  I have done exercise, stuck OP most days, drank my water but apparently I haven’t been eating the right kinds.  I’m also developing new criteria for June challenge.  I am hating WW, so not doing points.  Instead, my criteria are revolving more around exercise.  Still 64oz+ water a day, but also yoga for one hour 6 days a week, running for 30 minutes 5 days a week, and 50+ sit ups every night.  I am not doing the C25K program, although I’d considered it.  Instead I’ve taken advice from two friends who run everyday and do half marathons etc.  They suggested I start at a talking speed for half an hour, even if that’s just a fast walk or means I have to slow down after a while.  They’ve both had experience with C25K and said when you’re learning how to run you don’t keep up the same pace after stopping, and when you walk you walk too slow so the heart rate isn’t as good.

I’m also cutting out alcohol and carbonated drinks completely.  I have known for a while aspartame can mess with your digestive system, but I wasn’t aware it also increases the fat stored at your stomach, which is where I have most to lose from.  At the end of the day, I could go for an easier exercise plan or just say less fizzy drinks but I’ve come to the conclusion that that kind of plan ends up in half-assed commitment from me, which equals poor results.  If I’m going to do this, I need to be prepared to make these sacrifices and utilise this commitment.  If I balk at the thought of that I’m not going to do well.  So I’m facing June with a new resolve.

Bring it on June!  I’m going to kick your ass!