I am MILF

Woohoo!  I was 144 on the scale today.  When I think I about where I started, I can’t believe I’ve come this far.  It is officially 40 pounds since April 7, 2008.  I have to admit, I am getting heart palpitations just thinking of winter.  Staying in + no softball + baking = gaining weight.  I will just have to look into getting a gym pass for a few months.

My headache is starting to dull, but it is always a constant.  I went for a run last night, about 3.5 miles, and after the first mile I was fine.  I have three games tonight, and I plan on making it to all three.  A little tricky when I am toting Baby Boy along.

Here is a pic of Baby Boy and I from this weekend.

So I have this friend who wants to start WW, but can’t afford meetings either.  I told her all I know this morning in a series of emails — I call them the “WW chronicles.”  I hope it can make as big a difference with her as it has me.  I am back down to 145 as of this morning and back on track.

I wish we had some competition in this softball league.  We slaughtered the other team today, 22-1, and they quit in the middle of the third inning.  It would have been worse had we kept on.  What a waste.  Every game has been like that.  It could be worse, and we could be on the receiving end of the ass kickings.

Well, I attempted to go running tonight after my game.  When Baby’s Daddy came home after his flag football game, he drove to the track and put on the headlights so that I could see where I was running.   I only ran 1.5 miles and walked another quarter mile.  I ate way too close to running and was starting to get a headache.  I didn’t want to push too hard after the way I have been feeling lately.  After this weekend’s Art in the Park, I had put on a few pounds.  Time to get back on the wagon.

I had a really nice narcotics filled weekend.  I am feeling better today and haven’t had to touch any pills.  I am thinking this virus is making it’s way out.  I did totally break my diet yesterday and had a corn dog and heavily breaded chicken strips.  The strips made me sick.  They were so disgusting; I can’t believe I used to eat like that all the time.  I have a game tonight, which will be the true test of my health.  I am also going to pick up running again and try for three miles tonight.  At least I am not having to start all over.  While I was sick, I picked up a book on running for a marathon or half-marathon.  I am feeling inspired.

This has been the worst week I think I have ever had besides when my father died.  I can barely take care of myself, let alone Baby Boy.  I have been a bad parent for this whole week, and there’s nothing I can do about it.  This headache is the most debilitating thing that has physically ever happened to me.  I have endured sprained wrists, ankles, fingers, bruised the palms of my hands many times, bruises the size of a basketball, C-section, angioplasty, busted open lip, burns — yet, this takes the cake.  I totally hurled my breakfast because I was so nauseated — from a headache!  I didn’t know headaches like this existed.  I have never had a migraine, no history of headaches, and I can honestly say, I feel for people who have to go through this all the time.

I have a softball game that I absolutely have to go to tomorrow.  Our sponsor took his own life last week, and our coach showed up to our last game crying.  He said he really wanted to win the championship in memory of Don.  Tomorrow we are playing the only other undefeated team besides ourselves.  They are real jerks too.  Every time I have played them in other leagues, they play real dirty.  Bastards.

Weight-wise, I am down to 144.  This was right after I traded my breakfast for some head relief.  I am pretty sure I will gain once I am able to keep water down again.  Is it normal to get a headache just thinking about getting a headache?

So I have no idea what I weight right now because I can’t stand up without almost falling over.  I spent the day in the hospital after going through excruciating pain all night.  I had the worst headache of my entire life.  I have never had headaches and when I stopped at the clinic, they told me they were worried and that I should go immediately to the hospital.

They thought I might have a brain bleed since it was so bad.  My mom was so sick as well that she couldn’t come help because she had been popping Xanax like they were candy and shoudln’t be on the road.  The doctor came in after I was all checked in and everything and presented some of the things he thought it might be — meningitis or West Nile.  I had to have a lumbar extract and a CAT scan.  They gave me some morphine to take away my pain.  I wish I had a magic bottle full of that stuff.

Good news, they ruled out most everything with the CAT scan.  They think it could be West Nile or some other strange virus.  I feel a little better, but still can’t stand without my head feeling like it might explode.  I was just able to eat something a second ago.  I couldn’t even stomach the thought earlier.  Baby’s Daddy is taking tomorrow off to take care of Baby Boy and I.  Honestly, I was scared to go to sleep last night because I didn’t think I would wake up.  I know, dramatic, but a really good friend of mine took her husband into the hospital one day after he had a horrible headache, and he ended up having a huge brain tumor.  When they went in to excise it, he had a stroke and became paralyzed.  He died a month after their son was born.  He was also my father’s nurse when my father had throat cancer.  The day my dad died, he was asking about Brian, my friend’s husband.  So I am a little paranoid.

I am so close I can feel it.  I am at the point now to where I my weight won’t spike up above 150, so I am happy about that.  I’m pretty sure I am going to reach my mini goal of 145 in a week.  Just have to stay on my points plan and not dip into my flex too much this weekend.

We have a doctor’s appointment this morning, so hopefully I can get a prescription of the stuff they gave us last time we had to go to the doctor.  He just isn’t himself these past couple of days.  He never wants to be cuddled unless he is really tired or really sick.

What a day.  Baby Boy is teething something terrible.  I decided to skip both games and stay home with him.  The last time he had a temperature of 102, he had a seizure and I called 911.  I threatened to jump out the window if he died so that the fire truck, ambulance — whatever — would get there sooner.  Baby’s Daddy is taking tomorrow morning off so we can take shifts watching him sleep.  I am super paranoid that he will have another seizure.  Last time it happened, I didn’t sleep a full night for three days.

Through all the craziness, I did manage to squeeze in a run this morning and a quick one tonight.  I ran 2.5 miles this morning and walked 1.5 to finish it off since it was starting to get hot, and then did a before-dinner run of 2.25 miles tonight.  I am hoping this extra push is just what I need to kick this 145 poundage to the curb.

Anybody else disturbed by the news that David Duchovny is entering a sex rehab?  I was just thinking today — I swear on this — how he seemed like the best dad and husband.  He is married to Tea Leoni — love her — and they have two kids.  He is always doing triathalons, and I think he is such an underrated actor, and I just think he is cool.   I am just finishing his first season of Californication, which is brilliant.  Just feel bad for his family is all.

Well, I am still stuck at 148.  I wasn’t able to run last night because it was sooo windy.  I had to play in that crap!  We won by a run.  Neither team was happy about being there; wind makes the game so unpredictable.  I am waiting to go out to eat right now with my mom.  I think I am going to have a sandwich and salad.  I’ve been waiting all morning, and all I’ve had is a banana.  I’m starving.  

I got this recipe from Real Simple magazine years ago, and it is my favorite soup recipe ever!  I will get in the mood for this and eat it for a week straight.  Canned black beans, salsa, sour cream, and canned chicken broth, and lime is all it takes.  I always buy fresh salsa from the my favorite little mexican bistro.  I never put in the dry sherry, because I don’t think it needs it.  It is super quick.  I actually double-up the recipe usually.  It is okay to freeze too since it reheats so well.

4 servings

1 cup salsa, jarred is okay, plus extra for garnish

2 (15 1/2 ounce) cans black beans, drained and rinsed

2 cups chicken broth (I use low sodium)

4 tablespoons sour cream

1 lime

4-8 tablespoons dry sherry

1.  Heat salsa in a large saucepan over medium heat, stirring frequently, for about five minutes.

2.  Stir in the beans and broth, then heat to boiling; reduce heat to low; cover and simmer 15 minutes.

3.  Cool slightly, then spoon half the soup into a food processor or blender and puree.

4.  Return the pureed soup to the saucepan and heat through. 

5.  Serve with sour cream, additional salsa, and a squeeze of lime or two.  Or, stir in 1-2 tablespoons of dry sherry to each bowl.

Since I’m on WW, I always eat this with a bunch of blue corn chips.  I know the pointage on this is very low.  Without the sour cream, it is probably around 1.5 or 2 points.  Tons of protein and fiber.