Day …. whatever

Ok, day 1 of calorie counting – so far doing really well. I’m on track, under budget, and meticulously counting and tracking everything. Love the whole start of day at 6pm – easier to keep on track.

Day 155

Ok, not really. I gave up back on Day 87. Not sure where I’m going now. I had a dream that I went from under 3000 (yes three THOUSAND) to over 5000 lbs. I remember feeling disappointed in myself that I gained over 2000lbs. Dysmorphic? Substituting thousands for hundreds? I wonder how bad I would have felt if it had been hundreds that I dreamt of. Sigh. Will write more later.

Day 87

Well, had a good long weekend – stayed the course and ate according to plan. I am really battling my evening munchie demons, but I am prevailing. I am now 10 days OP on IP, and feeling content with my life.

The scale moved a bit this morning – that was encouraging. But overall, I just feel good on this diet. That’s what counts. The scale is a side benefit.

I think next week I will start the c25k again. I want to just commit to this week OP and see what the results are. Next week, I will add the exercise and compare results. I’m trying to be more active this week – not necessarily exercising, just generally moving more.

Let’s keep on plugging away at it – little bit by little bit I will be little bits smaller and healthier!

Day 79

Well, day 3 op IP. Was extremely hungry last night and ate all kinds of extra protein – albeit lean protein. This morning I was hungry and ate 1/2 a restricted packet. I have my days broken down as:

8:00 – shake

12:00 – shake and veggie salad

3:30 – restricted

6:00 – protein and veggies

8:00 – pudding or jello

I’m hoping this will keep me from getting too hungry – I can always split my restricted up to tide me over, like I did today. Also, it gives me something sweet in the evening for when I crave dessert after supper.

For 2 days now I’ve been on the elliptical – granted, not for long each time but whatever – every little bit I do now will help me in the long run.

I’m not setting my eyes on ANY scale victories – all my goals this time will be NSV’s – like everything I listed in my last post. I can tell the diet is working when I meet this goals. It is overall a better way of health, and that is what I should focus on, not the scale. That being said, I am committing for 6 months. If at that point I want to stop, so be it. I can do this diet that long. If I want to keep going to reach a scale goal or a size goal, then I will decide that come December 23.

So for now, popping right along.

Eating spaghetti tonight – spaghetti squash with 5 oz hamburger and 1 cup pureed tomatoes. Will finally get to make the pudding muffins – super excited!

Tomorrow I will need to go to Pure Essentials for more pudding and more ceasar dressing. Maybe I’ll pick up some syrups too. We’ll see.

Day 73

Well, as stated in my ranting and raving on 3fc, I have given up on Ip for now. That being said, I’m considering going back on it on Friday.

Sigh. My reasons for wanting to do it again are:

more energy

not as tired in the morning

not going pee every time I turn around

sleeping thru the night without having to pee

not being so thristy all the time

clear up my eyesight again

improved mood

having a flatter belly and puffed up with fluid

etc. etc.

Now, let’s get my mind on board and in control of the cravings and eating habits.

If I stick with Phase 1 for 6 months, I’ll get to about 185. If I do it for 10 months, I’ll reach my goal. Seriously, I can do it. What’s a measly 6 months of effort when I’ve been so big for 34 years?

Betty and Marilyn did it (not IP) so I can too. Betty is only 6 yrs older than me, and Marilyn is about 20 yrs older and had just as much to lose as I do – but on a shorter frame. I can do it. Keep telling myself it’s only for 6-10 months. Everything will taste the same in 6-10 months if I really want to eat it, it’s worth waiting for.

I’m going to contact Nutters and see if they can order the miracle noodles, or if my clinic carries them, or another clinic in town offers them. Maybe the asian place downtown? I’ve got to “shake ” things up a bit – not only am I bored of the vegies. but also of eating only shakes. Maybe if I could have soups I would find everything more satisfying.

Day 66

Took yesterday off plan. Today I am back on plan. I am not going to go off plan anymore. How absolutely stupid to let my emotions win. I am stronger – I just have to convince myself and actually do it. The more I say it, the more I may believe it – I am stronger.

Day 65

help! I don’t understand – I did 10 days on plan, and I did so well on the weekend, avoiding all that camping crap, then last night, I’m alone in the house with my 2 yr old dd, and I binged – full out, no holds barred binged. I finished the cookies, I ate half a bag of cheesies, I ate 10 bite sized chocolate bars, I ate 20 gummy worms, and 1/2 my dd’s grilled cheese sandwich, on top of having supper. What the hell is wrong with me? I was doing so well. I’ve cheated before and I know what I feel like afterwards – tired and lethargic and generally crappy. I’m so full of energy on plan, and my sugars are under control. The worst part was I wasn’t even physically craving any of this stuff – I’m sure it was all mental – like I couldn’t take the stress of not eating it all – like I may as well get the inevitable failure out of the way now so I can go back to not succeeding.

So, in an attempt to regain control, and get rid of my glycogen stores again, I am committing to not eating today. I will have 4-5 shakes today only, and hopefully be back into ketosis before the end of the week.

I wonder if part of it is that I was doing so well and not seeing the scale move that I subconsciously threw in the towel.

Can anyone give me some good advice? I need support, not criticism, since I know what I did was wrong, and I’m beating myself up enough for three people.

Someone save me from myself – please?

Day 64

Yeah me! I did it! I stayed OP all weekend, with the exception of one dd shoving (literally) a cheesie (only 1) in my mouth! I didn’t drop the weight that I was expecting, but I’m probably retaining water from not having had enough to drink on the weekend. So, flushing it out for the rest of the week, and hoping for the whoosh fairy!

I’m just so stoked that I was able to do it. Including yesterday – when I wanted to eat everything in the house. The reunion itself was not so great, but I go to spend a lot of time with dd – some serious quality play time!

I’m just so happy with how she’s adjusting out at Justina’s. Such a different kid! We bought her a new portable dvd player for in the car – otherwise the trip would have been horrendous.

My boss blew his fuse at me this morning. What else is new? He’s really under a lot of stress – lost his wallet, his dad’s going for bypass surgery, his wife’s cousin was in a boating accident and they can’t find his body….

Stuart and I have a funeral to go to this week – Uncle Freddy finally passed. I guess they pulled the plug on Saturday and he died on Sunday. The family will call us today with the funeral details. He had suffered with cancer for a long time – breast cancer I believe, but don’t quote me.

Set up the sprinkler Sunday for Adrianna to run thru – she wasn`t sure at first since it is so unpredictable as to where the water splashes – but she had a great time in it yesterday. I treated myself to a movie yesterday – Super 8. It was pretty good, not quite what I was expecting, and kind of a lame premise when all was said and done, but the characters were good and the story line kept you interested.

Not much else to tell today – just excited about staying OP. Found a new salad dressing – 3 cals, 0 fat 0 carb (although I guess it should read 1 carb since there are calories) it`s Renee`s tuscan Italian – it`s ok. Not what I wanted, but good enough – better than alot of WF products!

I tried the southwest crisps this weekend – loved them, but they were very spicy. I tried the lemon pudding – it was awful. Tasted nothing like lemons. I added lemon juice to it, but it could have used more nad some sweetener. Oh well – won`t buy it again for a long time. I hope the banana is better.

That`s it for me for now – adios!

Day 61

Ok, so no loss for this week. I bought a bunch of op food for this weekend – since we are going camping. I think I may just bring vegies for myself and get my protein strictly from packets.

Next Monday I am going to focus on measuring everything and going strictly by the ip books. I am in ketosis, no problem there, but with a zero wl, I need to follow the diet more closely. This weekend will be a challenge – something I need to commit to doing. I can be successful at it – just think what a positive wi I’ll have on Monday! Active all weekend, and strictly on protocol. I’m technically going to start tonight – since I’ve already eaten my real protein for the day, tonight will be packets and vegies. I skipped my vegies at lunch, so I will have up to 4 cups for supper – we’ll see how hungry I am. I bought bbq sauce WF so I can at least enjoy the lean protein again. (providing it’s any good – someone said something about adding blue label ketchup to make it better…)

I need to start tracking my carbs and fat – I’m sure that’s why I’m not losing. Doing this will definitely cut back the calories. Basically, I need to stop doing IP half -assed with Atkins, and just do IP! I’m bringing Darbs daily schedule with me so I can be OP the whole time.

Well, I guess I’m outta here – I need to plan what to take for the weekend in terms of groceries, and clothes – and list everything else that needs to get done.

See you Monday!

Day 60

I’m back in ketosis! Hit medium range this morning. Overall did pretty good yesterday. I stopped myself halfway thru a possible binge – I needed something sweet after supper, so I had a restricted bar, and then another one, and then I forced myself to stop. I’m still in ketosis, which is good. I won’t buy the bars again, it’s too easy to binge. I still need to find something to satisfy my sweet tooth after dinner. I’m hoping that as things progress that craving will go away. I know that garlic and onions trigger my cravings so maybe I’ll need to stay away from them for a while. I’ll try gum again and we’ll see.

So, I’m over feeling poopy today. DH and I had a good night last night – went to the bbq – where I stayed OP, then I went for my facial, and we still had time to catch a late show – Xmen 1st class. DD fell asleep while I was getting my facial, and when I got home I was able to move her to bed no problems without waking her up! Yah!

Great movie! Loved 2 lines in it – Hugh Jackman’s “go f*** yourselves” (his only line/appearance in the movie) and young Charles’ line about going bald! rofl

As always, Stuart is a huge trivia machine, and I learned alot about the origins of all the xmen. It was actually very cool knowledge for once, and wasn’t too tediuos to listen to! On a side note, today is Johnny Depp’s 48th birthday. Wow – he looks good!