Hollyhock

SUn eve-

Howdy, home from the beach. Kids are snuggled in bed. I just fed the critters.
we had a nice time.
My Mom got weird with me at the end. Dsis and I spent most of the evening on the Main St with the kids.When we got back to the house mom freaked on me. I have no idea why. Sis was there to see and hear it all. She and I were both in tears. I am upset but not surprised. Actually thankful someone else has seen it. The kids were playing in the basement and did not, thankfully. I quietly gathered my children and left. It breaks my heart to have such a good day spoiled by her drunken rage towards me.I honestly have always been a very good daughter to her and have forgiven her much. To hear her tell it I am some despicable pond scum. Sis stood up for me. Saying it outloud, giving it wings and focusing on the good stuff and hopefully I can sleep.

The good stuff- kids were both in okay moods once we left. Both seem tired, probably anxious about school starting. We had a good visit at the house with my folks, friends of the the family and sis. I took the 3 kids to the beach. I walked there and managed okay. Very thankful.We came back and had a nice supper. My Dad BBQed sausage and we had coleslaw with it. Sis and I  went to the Main St with the kids to the playground and then to the arcade and then wandered through the stores and then for ice cream. I played air hockey with each and some pinball It was all great.
My feet did okay with a fair bit of walking. These New Balance shoes make a huge difference. I am so relieved. Not feeling quite as hopeless about this condition.

Tomorrow will be full of laundry and such , getting ready for school.

Mon Morn-I am sitting here in my summer nighty and socks and sneakers.
This is my new sexy look. In a couple of weeks it will be flannel nighty and sneakers.

I can not get over( and am deeply thankful for) wearing a pair of shoes makes it possible for me to walk and stand. I limp badly and am in devastating pain if barefoot.I put on these shoes and can take a normal stride and balance my (ample) weight on both feet. I walked up the beach to the pier yesterday and up the Main drag. I was curious to see if I would pay today and I have not at all. The condition is the same not any worse.
I have looked at Alanon stuff. I dont like their religious spin on stuff. I would prefer it to be more neutral.
My Mom meets all of the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder( undiagnosed, of course, cause everyone else is sick and wrong she does not have any issues at all).
I am so  torn. There have been many periods of time when I have stepped waaaaaay back. The biggest catch 22 is my Dad. He is a GREAT guy. How he tolerates her has boggled my mind for almost 40 years. She gets worse with the years tho. She hid much. My sis is only seeing the true her in the last 2-4 years.
My dad is also an invested and loving grandfather. I have trouble keeping my kids from him. When the kids were littler we would stay over night but it always morphed into a drinking fest and then her drama, so I stopped. DH and I decided that we would stay 3 hours max at any family gathering because longer than 3 hours meant she would start to attack me in small ways and get worse if she was drinking.
We have all asked her to stop drinking. She makes excuses.
I now need to decide on my limits again. I will NOT let the kids sleep over there. If we stay for supper we need to leave right after.
Things will be different for the school year. we are much busier with life stuff.
I am still so hurt but that is not new either.Deep breath. i did sleep well last night. I am weepy right now but it will pass. need to focus on what really matters, my kids and DH, my home , my community.

Need to do today-
- water peace garden at school
-laundry
-clean kids rooms with them
-bathrooms
-sew DS’s back pack
-sharpen pencil, pencil crayons
-cook roast beef for supper

My heart really goes out to those with chronic illness and disability. I am still really processing mine and am grieving in a sense. Doing better than last week. I have known for 10 days.
I am always in pain- the degree varies. It was beyond believable non stop for 4 weeks.Much worse than breaking bones natural childbirth or any other painful physical experience i have endured. The last few days it has been more bearable but always present. it is exhausting. I have some new shoes that help. I am very sore.Today I did some paperwork and email stuff for the church and School Council early this morning, I did hair for 7 hours today standing the whole time except 2 15 min breaks, ran errands, made supper, watered the Peace Garden at the school, gave DS a haircut, cleaned the kitchen….I have reached my limit.
I am looking forward to tomorrow at 3pm and I can put my feet up….sorta. LOL
I will have 6 load of laundry to do and other home and garden and back to school stuff. Going to the beach Sunday aft.
I am going for more exrays on Tues. More follow up with the chiro. He does laser healing and other things as well. Still gathering information.
Heading to bed to read soon. Have another Luanne Rice book to read. Enjoying her stories.

Hugs!!!!

This is our/my last relaxed morning of summer vacay.I guess technically we have Sun and Mon mornings but DH is here and it changes it.
Kids and i slept til 8. I went to see the massage therapist today for a consult.Gathering information still. I meet the chiropodist and then chiro on Thurs.
It is very nice leaving the kids home for short bits now that DS is old enough and has the babysitting course and wee bit of confidence. 30 min max right now.
I am enjoying the cool mornings and sunny days.
I have stayed well with in my WW points this week so far. Something I have not had the heart or mind for all summer. Obviously losing weight will help the pressure on my feet somewhat.

My weight was up 8 lbs yesterday morning and i had lost 6 lbs by bedtime.
I went through DD’s dresser with her for back to school. She needs a few tops a blouse to go with a skirt she already has for sunday school, 2 pants and indoor shoes. DS needs to pairs of shoes. Not bad.
I have DS’s hockey schedule for Sept. We have had a few calls form coaches asking DS to try out for the A team. He does not want to. Does not like the coaching and pressure of the competitive team. So far he has said no. It is interesting to see and hear the reactions when I allow DS to choose. It is minor hockey for crying out loud.Not the NHL.
DD is registered for Guides.
What to do today??????
-weeding
-paint spindles
-read and rest

Tonight DD goes for a sleep over and the brother from there comes here.

Up and at em!!!!!

I am not really that perky yet. Still having coffee.

This is my weekend list. I did get my dishes done late last night.
DS has a friend coming for 2 days and another coming for the aft while his mom is at work.
DD and I will go through her clothes. I think she needs pants. DS needs 2 pair of shoes. I got him a hoodie yesterday.

I still have 1 week to get my house in shape. I seem to have lost 2 weeks with dealing with the arthritis and simply not being able to walk or stand some days.
I did stock my pantry with lots of dry goods for school snacks.

Sat
-payroll 9-3
-DH is taking the camper back to his parents

depending if i can walk or stand
-help DS clean his room( this evening), fall clean, organize his stuff
-clean rodent cages
-paint spindles

Sunday
-laundry, 1 lol
-grocery shop,Costco
-bedding
-possibly look at/buy used portable dishwasher
-paint spindles
-clear off shelves in to boxes/tubs
-have DH move shelves
-organize stuff from shelves

Other To do’s
( I have Mon and Tues off payroll)
-write seasonal church newsletter, send for proof
-write school council year end report from June
-check on/water Peace Garden
- kids need shoes for back to school
-go through pencil crayons, markers, pencils, toss crap, sharpen
-sew holes in DS’s back pack
-send in Guides registration
-clean bathrooms
-litter box
-make pickles( may ask friend to come over and we can do it together and split)

The Big list
1)prime and paint 36 spindles, starting tonight( 10 done)
2)box up all my books( from spare room)
3)bring 2 walnut ( fake finish) shelves to den, dust
4)box up photos and albums
5)empty out big oak cabinet, have DH carry it up to spare room
6)box up videos
7)take white shelf to spare room
8 ) decide which treasures will be housed on walnut shelves in den, sort/purge the rest
9)go through DDs’ toys/treasures- sort/toss/ store on shelf in her room
10)go through DD’s dresser, make list for back to school clothes etc( dont think she will need much)
11)clean DD’s room
12)buy new sheets for DD’s bed, she has my old double bed and my old sheets, at least 20 years old
13)go through DS’s toys/treasures- sort/toss/ store on shelf in his room
14)go through DS’s dresser, make list for back to school clothes etc
15)clean DS’s room
16)clean my room
17)pickles-just heard cucs are ready
18)sew/mend DS’s back pack
19)Mon Aug 17- DD has camp, Mad Science and dentist
20)sort and clean in basement
21)clean fridge in and out
22)make peach jam, can sliced peaches
23)can salsa, tomato sauce-maybe Sept?
24)Tues Aug 18 -prep camping gear, tubs( dishes etc), plan food
25)Thurs morning shop for camping food
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I have payroll Wed-Sat each week.

Not sure what else today holds. I desperately want a clean home. That still means organizing stuff post reno.

Will need to make callls to chiro about my feet, get 3 meals, laundry…..

Sat

I had a very busy work day. I am thankful for my dear clients and earning stellar income today. Once I stopped standing and working I really broke down . The pain was terrible. Driving home was awful. It took my two hours of resting to be able to stand of walk. Dh has been doing quite a bit for him. I am thankful that too.The kids have been sweet. I am in a horrible ,horrible mindset. I cant shake this terrible sadness.
I have been here once or twice to read posts and could not bring myself to write to everyone. I wanted to and I still do and get so overwhelmed
I am at such a loss as to what to do for myself to make this better.
I did wash cut up and cook potatoes and broccoli for supper. DH bbqed steak. I soaked my feet and gave them a gentle rub with lotion and then scooped the litter box and took it out.
I am hoping DH will take the guinea cage out to dump it. He never has in 4 years. I will ask.

So many hugs and well wishes, my friends.

Sun

I feel so bad about being such a wet blanket. Thanks for listening to me.
I have been looking at local pain clinics on line. They are very expensive. I am self employed so am not covered by WSIB. I do not have extended health benefits for this. Orthotic shoes are $500.00. I am having deciding what to do and where.I have been looking at other possible jobs. I have never had a job where I did not stand. I have spent 2 years building a good clientelle where I am , obviously , with long term plans to be there.

Oh my, it just started POURING rain.

My Great Uncle was a good guy. He was 93. He was a very large living , kinda loud( hard of hearing), loving man. He adored me and I him. There will be a memorial service Sept 25. He will be buried at the military cemetery near here.

My doc has told me nothing other than prescribe pain meds.Anything else I know( which is not much) I am figuring this out on my own. I have called my naturopath twice and not heard back. The chiropractor in the town where i work charges a lot of money even for a consult. Everything will cost $100’s each. I need to plan it well and decide where I can spend money that we do not have.My friend who is a good massage therapist will give me a free consult.
Everything seems to take sooooo long. It took 2.5 weeks to see the doc and then 1 week for results, 1 week to wait to see the podiatrist…..it has been 4 weeks of unbearable pain. The pain meds barely take the edge off.

I think DH wants to go to friends today. I would like to go to Costco and get stocked up for back to school and regular stuff.

It is only 13C/55F today.

Did i mention I have my period for the 3rd time this month. Seriously.

I think I am having a midlife break down of some sort.

Today is a new day. Not sure what it holds. Busy work from 1-8. Reflexology after work. Already scheduled , not sure how that will feel on my feet.
I need to make something for supper for later, do some painting and maybe help DS clean out his room. DD is at day camp.

TA Da
-read articles about OA
-took a glorious bath
-cuddled with DS

To Do
-pick up a few items to make lasagne
-get script filled
-make lasagne
-fold laundry
-clean K
-go to work

Morning routines are done. Kids and I ready to launch. DD goes to cooking camp. DS to the sitter, me work til 4. It is already booked right up.

Still very depressed about the arthritis. Processing it.

Hugs!

So, I have osteoarthritis in both of my feet and bone spurs in my right foot, big toe joint where the most pain is. I ma pretty bummed out to have a degenerative disease with no cure but I will cope. I also have several heel spurs that i have never felt.
My blood screens were all in the excellent range for glucose, uric acid,colesterol, kidneys, thyroid etc. My blood pressure was bang on.

I am looking at life long pain management. I have a call in to my Homeopath for another opinion. I am not sure about suppliments like ginger, MSM, Glucosamine…

Anyhow, that’s the scoop.

I wanted to take a moment and thank all of you for your friendship and wisdom and support and shared laughter and life experiences.
I am celebrating the eve of my 10th wedding anniversary. It has been many years since I have been able t look at my wedding pics and feel feel it was all some terrible hoax. Not so today. One heck of a journey, this 10 years has been. My marriage is okay these days. Not great and and over the moon , not even close to what the gal below hoped and dreamed but it is what it is and I am thankful for the healing and peace and journey thus far.

I was also touched by the passing of 3 Grandmothers who were at our wedding and the loss of others in our lives and so many broken up marriages amoungst our friends.
The 3 albums full of random pics throughout the day are sooooooo much fun.

We will camping this weekend with 4 other families. Cant wait.

I am still struggling very much with foot pain and worried about my health in general. Have been to the doc and had exrays and blood tests. waiting for results. i have been eating well and on plan for a week now.

Hugs!!!

Hot and hazy one here today.
Calling for thunderstorms all next weekend when we are camping. Just like last year. boooooo Sending out positive no rain vibes. It is the 40th anniversary of Woodstock ’spose chanting no rain, no rain is appropriate.

This foot of mine flared something terrible last night.I have never felt so much pain. Way, way worse than natural child birth or a broken bone. I took 2 ibuprophen and 2 tylenol at once to get to sleep. When I had my babies that is what the hospital gave me for pain and swelling post birth. it seemed to work.

I am quite down about having gout. The reason I can see that I have it is that I am fat. I know i am fat. I think about losing weight and exercising and i dont. It is not easy. I know I cant live like this. After a day of standing at work on my foot and then standing at the sink here, and cooking and running up and down the stairs I am almost crippled.
I should be eating a low fat high fibre diet. Quite the opposite of the current popular views. I should not have the dark green veggies either.
By BMI charts I should lose 90 lbs. lol I have not weighed what those charts say since I was 13.It is not realistic for my build. At my lowest adult weight when I was working out and had very low body fat I weighed 30 lbs more than the BMI charts.
I will get blood work done too for sugars and thyroid. Both run in my mom’s side.
I will go for groceries this morning and I promised to take the kids swimming at a friends. We were invited last night but DD was a princess sucky pants ( PSP for short) so we did not go. i may bring one of the boys home to sleep over in the trailer with DS.

I did get DD’s room sorted out.I emptied out her “stuff” a month ago. It has been stacked in tub in my room since. I did clean out the dresser and have been using it for her clothes. I put an old dresser and shelf in her closet for toys and crafts etc. Got it all put away last night.

Coffee is almost finished. Need to shower and go for groceries.