Hollyhock

Feels good to let this out!

Having a glorious quiet morning at home. Made a ham,veggie and cheese omelet and homefries( with let over taters). DH and DS just left for hockey. I decided to stay home from hockey and church.

Dh is absolutely driving me nuts. And, I am willing to take enough ownership that it is not all about him. In fact, i feel bad about resenting him so much. My filter has not been turned on high enough. One of the main reason we have peace here as a family is that I do not challenge him.Or when I d I choose my words and issues carefully. He can not handle it, and I mean that in a deep psychological and emotional way. When I used ask him to be an equal partner and push him to step up or challenge him life was unbearable for all of us. He truthfully does not have the intelligence or background to cope with much. His growth and understanding is very, very, very slow but it does occur.
He is being all hyper and babbling about this floor. So, I am giving thanks that he is interested in doing the floor and really this whole reno process.
He keeps saying the dumbest things because he suddenly in interested in our home, after [b]10 years[/b] of home ownership. Questioning our furniture choices( seriously?), how I have things stored in cupboards, how often things are cleaned…….
Yesterday morning when I woke up to go to work, while he was lounging in bed, I gasped when I stood because of the shooting pain in my feet. He asked, what’s your problem? I replied, My feet hurt a lot today. He asked, why?( in a sarcastic tone). I came downstairs and made coffee and then went back up. This is where my filter was off. I sat on the bed and said, you have got to effing kidding me. You do remember that I have arthritis, a degenerative and potentially disabling disease in both of my feet and my neck, I work full time standing all day, I am a full time parent and housekeeper……..you do not have a clue what I do for you or anyone else or understand this disease or even try too. I have known about this since August. This is the first time you have acknowledged it……maybe you should start setting money aside for nursing home care for me since you are incapable of helping me or caring for me, heaven forbid you have to push a wheel chair or wipe my ass……and then I went to work.
I came home and he had done all the concrete floor stuff( that he had promised to do last weekend but went out with his buddies instead), cleaned the kitchen and tidied the living room ( sorta) and was starting the dishwasher.  I made supper and took the kids out for 2.5 hours trick or treating while he sat here watching tv drinking rum and cokes. At 10pm I went up to bed, said good night to him. His reply, what? are you laying around again? He may have been joking. Not funny.
This morning I decided to stay home. DD asked me why. I said because it has been since the first week of September that I have not had to get up , with my alarm, every single day, and get people ready and out the door before 8:30 am.
He rolled his eyes at me. He sleeps in every Sat and Sunday morning and NEVER gets anyone but himself ready for anything( for 11 years)….let alone run an entire household in every conceivable way…..
We have had a portable dishwasher for 10 years, he has used it twice in the last week, this morning he gave me a lesson on how to use it better. I used my filter this time and thanked him for his invested interest in  cleaning [i]our[/i] family’s dishes.
Meanwhile, 4 empty coke cans, a rum bottle, an empty bag of chips and other stuff are on the coffee table in the living room….he seems to think he deserves a medal for running the dishwasher twice in 10 years.
I feel better today, but I have been sick for 10 days…..anyone here notice or step up…..nope.
Egads, I could go on and on……
Oaky, so flipping this. i hate feeling so negative.
I am very thankful he is helping in the kitchen a bit. I am thankful he poured the concrete and the floor is level and ready for the hard wood to go down by Monday evening. I am thankful to be home this morning. I am thankful I am not as sick as I was earlier this week. I am thankful we are both gainfully employed. I am thankful her did not rage when I challenged him yesterday morning. I am thankful my kids have had a really nice Halloween and weekend. I am thankful this week is over and it is a new week and new month, fresh start.

I have lost a few lbs, mosltly becuase I have no interest in eating…