Hollyhock

I have been writing when  have time but not here yet. Moving it here now.

Wednesday

I just took a 1 hour nap. Listened to Jen Anniston on Ellen, with my eyes closed.
I have 18 spindles to paint a 2 nd coat on. The stair dude comes in the morning to install the railings.
DH is nailing down some floors bits he had to install and then give the stairs a light sand.

The stairs are not stained yet but we are waiting to pick our flooring first. Going on Sat to see some real solid oak flooring. DH has his heart set on it.

YES!!!!!!! ALL 72 spindles have 1 coat primer and 2 coats of paint. This has been my anti procrastination victory( been saying i was going to do them since May).

It is getting chilly here. Going down into single digits tonight.It feels crisp and fresh.

Snack time for the wee folks.

I haven’t had to holler at anyone tonight at all. …yet. sorta joking…last night i blew my stack.

Thursday

Oh my…The stair dude called and said he couldn’t make it, then he called and said he would but later; DD has a cough and snuffle- there are all these new rules becuase of H1N1, I cant send her to school, she gets chronic colds and croup all winter, she is always sick most of the winter, do I keep her home til May? I work from 1-8. I dont know if the sitter will take her. Our meet the teacher and book fair is tonight. She volunteers at it. DS has hockey. DH was leaving work early to pick up DS from the school and DD was going to stay with the sitter til 7:30pm.
I have no idea what to do.
I am supposed to do my course conference call at 9am.

10:43 and all my pressing calls and commitments are completed ( so far, there is more for later). I scarfed a cold left over wiener for breaky. lol
DD is quite snuffly and coughing. *sigh*

Now what?

Just made the kidlet a grilled cheese.
I blanched and sliced a basket of peaches for later. Hand washed dishes.

I have clients booked from 3pm-8pm. Still dont have anywhere to take DD for 2 hours until Dh can scoop her up.
I could take her to work , i suppose. She would have to sit on a chair in the waiting room til after 8pm tho. Dh is taking DS to hockey at 5:15 and they wont be done til 7:30.

Stair dude is putting spindles in . They cut the 2nd hand rail wrong. have to wait til Mon for that. booooooooooo

DD is going to the sitter and walk to the school with the sitter for Meet the Teacher and then Dh will pick her up with DS at 5:15. It starts a 5.

Our public health unit has mandated that if a child so much as sneezes or coughs at school they are to be sent home. They are basing their proactive approach on what ever went on in Australia and the Southern States, to avoid the H1N1 health crisis in those places happening here. Out school is following it strictly. I just found out that other schools are not. sigh
And…..where do you think DD picked up this bug in the first place? She gets a cold every year in the 2nd week of school. hmmmmmmm

Thurs evening

Briefly checking in. My tale for the evening……makes ya just shake your head.

So, I take DD to the sitter at 3. They go to the school at 4:30. DH was supposed ot be there at 5:15 to pick up DS originally but was also going to take DD since she was sick.
DH went to the school, found DS and left. An hour later DD was there wandering around the school looking for her brother, then she finds the sitter. No one knew where DS was or that he had left. DH did not speak to our sitter/friend to let her know he was there and taking Ds….. The sitter would have explained to him about taking DD because she was sick.
Dh is being defensive when I asked about it because any dummy would know he picked up DS and that he followed the original plan.
(he does not have a cell phone but if he managed ot speak to another human being he would have known there was a change of plans)

One day last week he picked up the kids. The sitter was out the back door tying the dog to the leash. He came to the front door, called the kids to come and left. She came into the house and my kids were missing. She panicked but then her own kids told DH and been and went.

I tried to sleep but i am back up. Read til my eyes were heavy but my wee little brain is spinning.
I am already feeling like i need to advocate constantly for DS ay school.

My DS10( 11 in Nov) is feeling troubled. I will say that he has matured some and in the past liked to push the issue to get the reactions. he is consciously trying to avoid conflict etc and still gets centred out. Yesterday and today there was a group of boys in a physical conflict. In one DS was just standing there and got shoved.A staff walked in and saw him go flying and knock something down and he got disciplined. Today playing tag he got shoved, feel over another kids, thee other kid screamed at him and punched him, DS put him in a headlock to get him to stop, DS got sent to the office.
I called the school to clear up the issue from yesterday and the principal spoke t the whole class about appropriate behaviour at lunch time etc.
Tonight at bedtime, DS asked me Why am I so unlucky, why do the teachers all hate me, how can I get through til the end of the year like this…..it is the 2 nd week of school.

Friday

TGIF, i suppose. I still work tomorrow. Need to conjure some fabulous lunches and get myself ready.

I was asked why I bother being on our School Parent council-I am trying to make a positive impact within a system I dont really like or agree with but my kids are there, they want to be there…….I want  a say in their well being and also “know” what the popel in authority are all about.

I am home briefly. I had to get DD from school because she is coughing and then drive around town trying to find someone home to keep her. I had to postpone a client. I tried to call a few from work. There are 9 of 27 kids home sick today in her class. I could have taken her to work with me but this is better.

Back to my regular program…….

Making a beef broccoli stir fry….yum!

The concern about DH’s antics last night, beside being soooo annoying, was safety. He removed a child who was in the care of an adult( our sitter) from a public building with 200+ people roaming about and did not let anyone know he did so. He also did not look for, find or acknowledge his other child who was left behind. Can you imagine how she felt?

He did know that the kids were there with the sitter.Originally he was supposed to pick just DS and DD was going to stay but she became sick. If he had spoken to the sitter he would have known about the change. He does not have a cell phone and does not want one and he was on a job site in the middle of a farm field 45 min from here.

He actually mentioned it tonight and said it could have been avoided if he had spoken to the sitter.

The sitter and i have both coached my 8 and 10 year old kids to be the responsible party when in their father’s care and tell him he needs to let her know when he removes them from her care.

Saturday

I take oil of oregano and we all take vitamin C and a multi to fight off colds. My kids wont swallow pills and the oil is too hot for them in a liquid. Some days I burp greek salad all day( not complaining). I will get them the elderberry syrup.
The oil of oregano really does work.

DD, DS and DH are all sick. DD is a bit better. DH is full on , Ds is on day 2 and not too bad.
I have dipped my body in a vat of oil of oregano and am mainlining Vitamin C. I am congested but plan on skipping the rest of the symptoms.

Work til 1. Leaving early so we can all go out and shop for flooring this aft.

well, i have stimulated our lagging economy and purchased 800 sq ft of floor.
We had to go with an engineered floor because part of our sub floor is concrete and moisture from concrete will buckle hardwood. ( this is what I wanted anyhow)
We got a light-ish warm tone bevelled edge oak. Very pleased.

I avoided crisis cleaning and feeding several people for DD’s birthday next weekend!!! Go ME!!! Taking a few kids bowling and invited the grands to meet us there for cake. I rock!
DD’s 9th Birthday is on Tuesday. The girl across the road’s is 2 days later. Her dad and I are having their party together next Sunday and splitting the cost. Again, go me!

Home made burgers , salad ingested. m

DS is driving my batty…..cling on, babbling………he sure does love me.
I keep trying to nap to no avail. I do want to look in Sears for flannel sheets for us and DD. DS has 2 sets. My bed is a hand me down king from my parents and it came with some sheets. They must be 15 years old now. They have holes. DD has our old double bed and she has my old flannel sheets that are at least 20 years old and full of holes. They dont owe me anything.

DD is sleeping over across the street. Just took her stuff over and DS stayed there to play on the trampoline.

Our Rally Sunday is tomorrow for Sunday School. DS gets an award for 8 years and high attendance.

I am a bit headachey. Have not gotten much rest this eve even tho I said i would.

Just watched Moving Up. Finally a new season of a decorating show on TLC. I miss clean sweep too.

I am excited about the floor. These carpets are gross and odds colours, different in each rooms. The carpets we took out upstairs were original 60’s shag.

We had major frost last night i had to scrape off the car this morning. Went down to 5C/41F. Going down to the same tonight. warm and sunny this aft.

Sunday

I am up, enjoying coffee, we leave for church in 45 min. I suppose I will wear clothes instead of my flannel nighty.
I am not getting any dishes done before I go. I can barely see straight.

Okay, I did get dressed; black tunic top( with a little sparkle in the thread) and caramel pants. Very dignified. Not a enjoyable as flannel.

church was nice. 3 baptisms and our awards Sunday. Very busy. Nice ot be with others there.
DS struggled. With his anxiety, getting up and receiving an award is very painful for him. He changed his clothes 3 times( all he ever wears is jeans and a t shirt). It was a looooong morning that way.

I have been for groceries, lunch stuff mostly.

Think I will roast a little chicken for supper. DS has hockey at 4:30. Chicken will be ready when we get back.

DD’s birthday party for next Sunday has come together nicely.

I should do something……
Sure dont feel like it.

I might un and re load the DW and wash some hand dishes. Since i am not is physical feet crisis it seems DH wont keep helping I have left the hand wash dishes for 4 days. It’s getting gross.
I have however, dont his laundry, got his specific groceries for work, clean the toilets, tub…..cooked him several meals….ya know same old , same old.
Not really complaining, more noticing. I liked it a lot when he helped.

I will put a chicken in the oven and i will take DS to hockey.

DH is splitting wood. We have 8 face cord. he thinks we need to 2 more.

When I do necessary household tasks I usually stop what I am doing 10-20 times to care for my kids. He has been splitting wood off and on for hours and has not cared for a child in any way. There is a big difference. His excuse for not helping in the house/kitchen is because he is working at this task and also works away from home. Um…me too. I do wonder what he tells himself to make this be okay within himself. Okay, just talking out loud. I am not really looking for answers. I have gone thru this over and over.
Thing are in a good place between DH and myself currently. I am thankful for that.

Ds is having a VERY hard day. He is really crashing emotionally. The anxiety of being back in school. Managing the conflicts he was in at school( with great skill, I might add and high praise from our principal, but conflicts none the less), He is sick with this cold, he has been asking for weeks for a bow and arrow and we went and got one after church, DH tried it and snapped the bow, DS completely broke down, DH went and got another, now DS is having anxiety about breaking this one because he loves it so much does not think he can handle the disappointment, he has been crying or arguing for hours. He was having bad feeling about hockey practise because his legs are weak with this cold but does not want to let his team down…..I called the coach and said DS was sick and wont be there.

I am ready to cry. I am tired, my feet hurt….lol

Deep breath and back at er. Chicken is in the oven. At the very least we will eat supper.

I am officially procrastinating and eating hummus and crackers.

DD’s Bday got a bit bigger but it’s okay. There are 10 birthday party kids between the 2 birthday girls. I invited 3 older siblings the same age as DS so they could all bowl together. That also means car rides for others because these parents will come and stay. We live 45 min from the bowling alley.

Our trees are turning here. Pretty.

*sigh*

I know this may not seem big but it is more of the same old , same old.
I have also been realizing just how much I miss my Grandma and have really been mildly depressed since she died. I try hard to keep my spirits up.

Anyhow this is the email I sent to my parents to invite them to DDs’ birthday.

HI There,
Since DD’s Birthday falls on Tuesday and week days are very busy-

We are having a Birthday Party for DD and for her friend (from across the road) on Sunday September 27 at 12pm - 2:15 pm at “bowling alley” on “address”
We hope you can join us. The kids will bowl from 12:15-1:15 and then we have a party room for their lunch and cake. After ,some of the kids will be rock wall climbing.
If you wanted to have lunch you can get something from Dairy Queen on site there and eat in DQ or in the party room with all of us.
Or you can just join us there for cake and festivities.

Please RSVP.

Dsis- would Dnephew want to come and bowl and Rock wall climb with DS? My treat.
Love,  me
My Mom’s reply

Hi,
Hope you are enjoying this wonderful day.
We were wondering if we could come over on Tues . after school or when ever DD gets home to wish her a Happy Birthday and bring you know what. Just a visit . No food involved. It is also be a good time to see your house.
Dad and I are pretty sure we won’t be rock climbing.
Let me know about Tues.,
Thanks MOM!!!!!!!!!!!

My reply

Just clarifying, you are not coming to “bowling alley” for DD’s Birthday party and having cake with us all?

We are pretty busy Tuesday. After school the kids have homework, chores, supper, DD has Guides at 6:30.DS might have hockey. Still waiting for the schedule. Our stairs are not finished and the workers may be here that day.

I can let you know when I know. We could fit in a visit between 4:30 and 5 if DS doesn’t have hockey.

She does not listen, she does not want to be at a Bday party for the kids, she is passive aggressive and is also very self centred and does not want anyone to share the limelight of her gift….

This is when she usually flies off the handle with a 44 year long list of all the ways I ruin everything for her and every family gathering blah, blah, blah….

Okay, thanks for letting me vent.

OH! I need to check the Guides site for uniform stuff.

Oh and the kicker, I cant seem to let go of…..

I sent a email the day I found out about my arthritis, to my parents and sis.
2 weeks went by, never heard from my parents. Labour Day we went to visit.

She opens the door and says to me I have been worried about you. ( I think wow, kind)…then… oh? are those the shoes you have to wear. I am sorry about that.Then she says….If it were me with arthritis I would just want to die. my life would be over. How can you stand to live with this? Your life will never be the same.You will have no quality. You wont be able to enjoy your kids……

I was completely in pain and crisis at the time. barely coping.
Later that night in a drunken rage she went off on me about what a horrible person I am and terrible daughter blah, blah, blah…..

Still venting……..

So, i am managing my pian mostly with out pharaceuticals. The chiro helps me  alots. Taking a homeopathis remedy as well. The shoes are a life saver.

I have a good week food wise and have been able to move more.

Just about to take the kids out for dinner at the diner. i made scads of tips today and just ain’t cookin’ or doing dishes!

I stayed an hour late and still was turned away a bunch pf people. We have had a crazy busy week. Thankful for it. Wowsers.

My tender tootisies held up okay. i am on day 3 of no pain meds. My homeopath gave me Arnica for pain.With my shoes and chiro i seem to be healing( as much as i can) from being in foot absolute crisis. I still cant walk barefoot but I can with shoes. I have put in 5 6-7 hours days of solid standing and I can still manage for the evening. Yay!

I came home at 4 and washed and squeegied the outside of the big windows.

Gonna do the inside of them too.

I am tired out but not in terrible pain. Thankful for that. I have had 3 extremely busy, profitable days  in a row, at work . I need to rest up for tomorrow and do it again.

I have an exterminator/friend coming on Wed at 9 to fumigate for cluster flies. I want the house to be very tidy. Motivation.
http://www.drbug.ca/cluster_flies.php

Thurs I was thankful for
- a profitable day at work
-going to the chiropractor
-good quiche
-happy kids
-Dh did the hand dishes

Today I am thankful for
-happy kids
-microwave
-coffee and oatmeal
-booked up day at work
-tomorrow is Sat

I am managing with my feet. Much better than 2-3 weeks ago as far as the constant horrific pain. There is always some pain. The New Balance shoes are a true gift and i can walk quite normally in then although slower than I used to. I do become quite fatigued most days with the pain and effort to cope and work.DH has stepping up in little ways. I am thankful. I have been going to a chiropractor and that has been feeling good, even tho he pulled on my toe.I have logged WW pts every day and am still under for the week. Haven’t done that all summer.

Time for bed. Work tomorrow.

SUn eve-

Howdy, home from the beach. Kids are snuggled in bed. I just fed the critters.
we had a nice time.
My Mom got weird with me at the end. Dsis and I spent most of the evening on the Main St with the kids.When we got back to the house mom freaked on me. I have no idea why. Sis was there to see and hear it all. She and I were both in tears. I am upset but not surprised. Actually thankful someone else has seen it. The kids were playing in the basement and did not, thankfully. I quietly gathered my children and left. It breaks my heart to have such a good day spoiled by her drunken rage towards me.I honestly have always been a very good daughter to her and have forgiven her much. To hear her tell it I am some despicable pond scum. Sis stood up for me. Saying it outloud, giving it wings and focusing on the good stuff and hopefully I can sleep.

The good stuff- kids were both in okay moods once we left. Both seem tired, probably anxious about school starting. We had a good visit at the house with my folks, friends of the the family and sis. I took the 3 kids to the beach. I walked there and managed okay. Very thankful.We came back and had a nice supper. My Dad BBQed sausage and we had coleslaw with it. Sis and I  went to the Main St with the kids to the playground and then to the arcade and then wandered through the stores and then for ice cream. I played air hockey with each and some pinball It was all great.
My feet did okay with a fair bit of walking. These New Balance shoes make a huge difference. I am so relieved. Not feeling quite as hopeless about this condition.

Tomorrow will be full of laundry and such , getting ready for school.

Mon Morn-I am sitting here in my summer nighty and socks and sneakers.
This is my new sexy look. In a couple of weeks it will be flannel nighty and sneakers.

I can not get over( and am deeply thankful for) wearing a pair of shoes makes it possible for me to walk and stand. I limp badly and am in devastating pain if barefoot.I put on these shoes and can take a normal stride and balance my (ample) weight on both feet. I walked up the beach to the pier yesterday and up the Main drag. I was curious to see if I would pay today and I have not at all. The condition is the same not any worse.
I have looked at Alanon stuff. I dont like their religious spin on stuff. I would prefer it to be more neutral.
My Mom meets all of the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder( undiagnosed, of course, cause everyone else is sick and wrong she does not have any issues at all).
I am so  torn. There have been many periods of time when I have stepped waaaaaay back. The biggest catch 22 is my Dad. He is a GREAT guy. How he tolerates her has boggled my mind for almost 40 years. She gets worse with the years tho. She hid much. My sis is only seeing the true her in the last 2-4 years.
My dad is also an invested and loving grandfather. I have trouble keeping my kids from him. When the kids were littler we would stay over night but it always morphed into a drinking fest and then her drama, so I stopped. DH and I decided that we would stay 3 hours max at any family gathering because longer than 3 hours meant she would start to attack me in small ways and get worse if she was drinking.
We have all asked her to stop drinking. She makes excuses.
I now need to decide on my limits again. I will NOT let the kids sleep over there. If we stay for supper we need to leave right after.
Things will be different for the school year. we are much busier with life stuff.
I am still so hurt but that is not new either.Deep breath. i did sleep well last night. I am weepy right now but it will pass. need to focus on what really matters, my kids and DH, my home , my community.

Need to do today-
- water peace garden at school
-laundry
-clean kids rooms with them
-bathrooms
-sew DS’s back pack
-sharpen pencil, pencil crayons
-cook roast beef for supper

My heart really goes out to those with chronic illness and disability. I am still really processing mine and am grieving in a sense. Doing better than last week. I have known for 10 days.
I am always in pain- the degree varies. It was beyond believable non stop for 4 weeks.Much worse than breaking bones natural childbirth or any other painful physical experience i have endured. The last few days it has been more bearable but always present. it is exhausting. I have some new shoes that help. I am very sore.Today I did some paperwork and email stuff for the church and School Council early this morning, I did hair for 7 hours today standing the whole time except 2 15 min breaks, ran errands, made supper, watered the Peace Garden at the school, gave DS a haircut, cleaned the kitchen….I have reached my limit.
I am looking forward to tomorrow at 3pm and I can put my feet up….sorta. LOL
I will have 6 load of laundry to do and other home and garden and back to school stuff. Going to the beach Sunday aft.
I am going for more exrays on Tues. More follow up with the chiro. He does laser healing and other things as well. Still gathering information.
Heading to bed to read soon. Have another Luanne Rice book to read. Enjoying her stories.

Hugs!!!!

This is our/my last relaxed morning of summer vacay.I guess technically we have Sun and Mon mornings but DH is here and it changes it.
Kids and i slept til 8. I went to see the massage therapist today for a consult.Gathering information still. I meet the chiropodist and then chiro on Thurs.
It is very nice leaving the kids home for short bits now that DS is old enough and has the babysitting course and wee bit of confidence. 30 min max right now.
I am enjoying the cool mornings and sunny days.
I have stayed well with in my WW points this week so far. Something I have not had the heart or mind for all summer. Obviously losing weight will help the pressure on my feet somewhat.

My weight was up 8 lbs yesterday morning and i had lost 6 lbs by bedtime.
I went through DD’s dresser with her for back to school. She needs a few tops a blouse to go with a skirt she already has for sunday school, 2 pants and indoor shoes. DS needs to pairs of shoes. Not bad.
I have DS’s hockey schedule for Sept. We have had a few calls form coaches asking DS to try out for the A team. He does not want to. Does not like the coaching and pressure of the competitive team. So far he has said no. It is interesting to see and hear the reactions when I allow DS to choose. It is minor hockey for crying out loud.Not the NHL.
DD is registered for Guides.
What to do today??????
-weeding
-paint spindles
-read and rest

Tonight DD goes for a sleep over and the brother from there comes here.