You Can Call Me Madcat!

I’m just going to post something just so I can say I did. If I wait until I have something profound to post I’ll never get around to posting.

I’ve starting posting all the food I eat on another site. For now I’m not making any major changes I’m just journalling to see where my weak points are. The funny thing so far is the amount of calories I use in “snacks” throughout the day. I don’t know why I should be surprised but it is nice to see in black and white the areas I need to work on.

Last night I took a few minutes and cut up some veggies into three small baggies - one for each day, Monday through Wednesday. And then later I made a sandwich to take today. It was nice to have my own food. One of the problems with packing a lunch though is that I then don’t have an excuse to go out at lunch - so I made myself go out for a walk. Oh, my, it was a lovely day and I just explored around the neighbourhood of work a bit. It is nice to work in an area that is walkable. Many people live in the area and there is this great park a block or so over. There were many people just lounging around, reading books, most of them with their bikes thrown on the grass beside them. What do these people do for a living that they have all this spare time?

The DH is heading out tonight so I’m talking the opportunity to make stuff that I like but that he doesn’t care for for dinner: Tofu, asparagus and sweet potatoes. I’m going to make two servings and then have leftovers for lunch tomorrow.

You know, I sometimes think living alone would make parts of this who journey easier. I would wake up earlier and eat better - but then I would miss out on a great many good things so I can deal with my bad influence in the house.

Hmm. It looks as if I’m only making it here to post every 10 days or so. Not ideal, but I do what I can.

I was watching the Finale of Biggest Loser and one thing that Mike said really hit home with me. It was (paraphrasing loosely) that you can exercise all you want but really what you eat is going to make the biggest difference. I’ve been doing quite well lately and I think it is largely because I am watching what I eat, especially at lunch time where I end up buying lunch way too often.

I rode my bike to the gym and then from the gym to work this morning. My biggest complaint about riding (other than traffic and trying to find a free bike rack in this neighbourhood) is the amount of stuff I have to carry around. For example, I left the house this morning in my bike stuff (T-shirt, bike shorts, exercise bra, running shoes) but I carried two other sets of clothes with me – my work clothes including shoes, my yoga pants for the gym, and a spare T-shirt and exercise bra since after a workout the one I left the house in would be soaking wet. It’s a 15 minute ride from the gym to work so I can’t ride in my work clothes since they would get all sweaty and then I would have to be all “splotchy” at my desk - and that’s gross. They do have a shower here but I’m not sure where it is and that would mean I need to also carry a towel to dry off with. More stuff. I liked it better at my old office where the gym and work were just down the street from each other so I could bike, workout, shower and change and then just leisurely arrive at work all clean and fresh.

I need to just suck it up, I guess. I could bike to the gym, workout and then bike home shower and change. I might have to think about doing that. This is making me cranky. And carrying so much crap around means I really almost never pack my lunch – which would be just more stuff to carry. Oy, I think I need to think this through more.

Work today is pretty quiet and I thought I’d post while I eat my lunch (Quizno sandwich and some water). I’m not crazy about Quiznos but there are only so many days a person can eat Subway without losing the will to live. And everything else in the area is hamburgers, pizza or sitdown places. I’m excited that a pita place is opening down the street soon – if only for the variety.

I should get back to it, I guess. Tonight we are having our neighbourhood association general meeting so it will be note taking for me. I join a community organization to do something different in my life and I end up the one taking notes! Work with your strengths, I say.

At least it is nice weather finally. But as with any spring, it’s weird not having to have a coat. I miss pockets!

I’ve had a stupid head cold/ chest cold all week which is just now starting to clear up. I haven’t been to the gym since last Monday and I’m really hoping I feeling OK enough. I’m going to pack my stuff and go, but I give myself permission to not overwork at the gym. It will just be nice to be back there. I miss it but I have been feeling so very lousy. I thought I was better on Friday but even the short 10 minute walk slightly uphill to work kicked my butt and sent me into a coughing spasm.

Enough about that though. I’m on the mend. And no, it is NOT swine flu - since at no time was I feverish or aching. It was just a head and chest cold. I could sense people looking at me whenever I coughed in public though. People have gotten so paranoid! They seem to forget that 36,000 people died from ordinary flu last year. Yes, swine flu is scary but let’s keep some perspective here.

Oh and a NSV. On Saturday I finally was able to slip my engagement and wedding rings off my fingers. I haven’t taken them off since my wedding (three years ago last Tuesday) - not only becauss I didn’t want to, but because I couldn’t get them over my fat fingers. Got them off. And now they are back where they belong - but it’s nice that I can take them off again when I want to.

Beginning of a new month. What a hectic day I had today too. It was the final day of training on the new software system we are trying to implement. The consultant was leaving at 2 so we worked through lunch. I wish someone had warned me we were going to do this, since I find that going more than about 5 hours without eating makes me feel nasceous. I tried to get a granola bar from the vending machine but the machine took a deep dislike to the only quarter I had. I finally was able to get some lunch around 3… cottage cheese and some pineapple and a roll. Not the greatest lunch but better than what I really wanted - which was junk food.

The DH and I made dinner tonight together as a join effort. Pork chops and rice with veg and a homemade pepper salsa. It was good. I think I’ve rediscovered my love of cooking my own food after many months of takeout and crap. That’s a good thing and certainly less expensive. Funny thing about taking lunches too is that I find I have spending money leftover at the end of the week. All good things. It’s a good thing too since there seem to be a bunch of unexpected expenses dropping in my lap this week. I had to get new glasses ($600, but necessary since my night vision is shot and it’s getting scary to drive at night with my current lenses) and new rims for the summer tires (which I’m not sure how much THAT will cost). Next Tuesday is our anniversary and we decided to not cancel our restaurant reservation, though we won’t be staying in a hotel, but coming home afterwards instead.

All I can say is thank gawd for tax returns. I do actually get one this year but at this rate it’s almost all spoken for

The jean try-on was a bust. Still no go on the size 12 black jeans (geez, I had forgotten that they are skinny!! jeans). I’m not too upset since I probably weighed in the 160s last time I had them on. I tell myself, not yet, but soon enough!

But I have been doing quite well. After the weekend of illness two weeks ago I thought that I would probably gain back all the weight I had lost quickly - but then I decided to work on it and ta-da I haven’t. I didn’t weigh myself this morning but yesterday I was 177. It’s nice to put on a pair of pants and have them loose. It’s amazing what just 4 or 5 lbs can do.

I’ve been going to the gym and I’ve stepped up the intensity of my cardio. Most days I feel it in my legs. It’s a good kind of mild pain and so far no real knee problems have hit, so it’s all good.

I have a pair of black size 12 jeans and tomorrow - it being a new month - I will try them on. Last time I tried to put them on I could barely get them over my thighs and doing them up would have involved organ removal. We’ll see how it goes and I’ll report here how it went. For now, they are my goal clothing. Once I get there, and they fit, I’ll pick my next peice of clothing. Lord knows I have many different sized pants shirts jackets and dresses in my closet to pick from.

Oy, kids, it’s been a pretty crappy couple of days. Wednesday, my DH was laid off from work, Thursday we got a not exactly great but not unexpected prognosis on my sister’s condition, and then, to top it all off, I got food poisoning on Friday night. I’m doing the best I can to stay calm about so much turmoil. Sometimes life throws a curveball (or nine) and all a person can do is duck.

The DH got a decent severance so we’re OK for cash for a bit. If we had to we could live on my salary and I guess that is better off than a lot of people in similar situations. We also have some savings that could be dipped into. He’s also going to apply for unemployment, so that will help a bit too.

To top it all off, I’ve spent the weekend throwing up (all Friday night), recovering and sleeping. I’ve forced myself to eat when the hunger started to make me nauseous.

I think I’ve lost 5lbs, but I would not recommend this as a weight loss program.

No gym for the weekend since it was all I could do to make it from the couch to bed. Slept a lot which was fine but I had plans for the weekend and nothing planned got done.

The one bright spot about the DH being off work is that I have my Cabana Boy back. As long as he is off work, my kitchen will be spotless and dirty dish-free, laundry done and apartment cleaned as if by magic elves. Every cloud and its silver lining.

I just haven’t. I’ve been marginally busy but mostly I just haven’t had anything worthwhile to say. I’ve been going to the gym. I even have had my bike out. Food has been ok - minor slip-ups followed by unconscious good days, where no effort is required to do the right things. So I dunno why I’m not writing.

I guess I’m still missing the old journals - but there is no point in that so I should pull up my panties and move on.

We had Easter dinner with the whole family at the hospital yesterday. My sister wasn’t allowed to leave - even by Wheeltrans - so we brought Easter to her. We pushed together a few tables in the common dining room and The Boy and I brought in take-out chicken. It was very nice and I know she appreciated it.

Today she is finally moving to a placement in a long term care facility, which will be much better than being in the hospital. Hopefully she will have more freedom of movement and the ability to interact with others. I think she’s tired of the watchful hospital routine. The location was even one on her “top three” list. It’s a new facility, one of a chain of places, so we all hope it will be good. One never knows, though, and we hear horror stories.

Honestly, it’s hard to focus some days and I’m low grade depressed most of the time – but I go to work, and do what I must and even manage to laugh and have a good time, but some days I just feel like I’m going through the motions. This morning, for instance, I heard a version of the Beatles Song “I will” and I almost started bawling. Anything sweet or sentiment or any story about love triumphing or human kindness is enough to set me off.

I really need to get a grip. Or some therapy.

So here it is in April. I started March at 180 lbs and end March at, ta-da, 180 lbs. Obviously, what I am doing is not working. Or rather, I am not working at this in a way that is working.

On-line WW is not doing what I want it to do for me. OK, WW works but only if a person is willing to put in the work and I’m not. It might if I went back to WW meetings, but that’s not as convenient for me now. I’m going to try some other online tools instead. Maybe the change will be more motivating. I need to make the decision to do what needs to be done and then to do it.

Not earth-shattering, but there ya go. I really need some water now.

Accomplished. Today’s lunch is Gardennay Fire Roasted Pepper soup, some crudités (as the French would say), an apple and a pear. It’s yummy and I’m looking forward to it.

My big aha moment for this week is that the secret to not starving in the morning (or in fact for most of the day) is Bran Buds cereal. When I have that and yoghurt for breakfast I’m not starving at 10:30, eating my lunch then and then restless and hungry by 4 PM (my personal danger zone). I guess Mr. Fibre really is my friend.

Also a good thing since I have an annoying bladder infection. I spent two (non billable) hours yesterday morning in the walk-in clinic to get some drugs and they seem to be helping. But man, this sucks. I get them periodically and sometimes they just go away and sometimes they don’t. Last time my doctor sternly told me that I should wait to see if they are going to go away but I should take myself immediately to a walk-in clinic. He also told me a horror story about someone who didn’t that I don’t think I need to go into here. Sometimes I think he makes these stories up, but then I guess one’s kidneys are not really something to neglect. So I’m on antibiotics (which I hate) and starting to feel better from the infection but worse from the treatment.

So it goes.

I’ve got a side job tonight doing minutes at a condo’s general meeting. Normally I don’t do this kind of thing, but I quoted a stupid price at them thinking they would turn me down but they were willing to pay. Heck, a bit more money never hurts and it’s good to not have all one’s eggs in the same employer’s basket.

I have stuck to plan today. Even when one of my coworkers brought me a cookie from Subway, I just recorded it and stayed within my points. Now I know it’s only one day, but it was good.

I already have tomorrow’s lunch packed since I made two lunches last night. I added some leftover black beans and rice to bump it up a bit since without the cookie I would have been under points today. If I’m going to add points I might as well make it nutrious food. And I must say that I make a kickbutt black beans and rice. The secret is the half teaspoon of Portugeuse hot sauce.

I feel good today in spite of the fact that it’s cold out still. I’m tired of waiting for spring already.

Yes I went to the gym this morning and did cardio and a bit of stretching. Not exciting, but there it is.