Highlights of the last month:

• Not much difference in the weight department. Current weight is 172. I cannot tell you how tired I am of that number.
• I have been working my butt off (literally) in the cardio department. A couple of weeks ago I ran 2.5 miles on the treadmill and was thrilled and then followed it up a couple of days later by doing 5K. A lot of my friends tell me I shouldn’t run because I do have arthritic knees, but I am careful and walk when necessary, watch my speed, and really only run 2 days a week at most. Oddly enough, I think my knees actually are feeling better. I feel a lot less pain than normal. That can’t be bad. Besides, running is so much fun (who thought I would ever say THAT?). I get more of a rush out of it than any other cardio. Other days I do other things and I’m trying to mix up what I do and not do the same two things two days in a row.
• I don’t know if it is the humidity we have had, or the drugs I’m taking for my allergies, or if I am really pushing it more than normal, but I have been a massive sweat ball at the gym lately. It’s sort of gross and cool at the same time. Makes me feel all athletic! LOL
• Couple of bad things: my allergies have been absolutely wicked this year - the worst I have ever had; and my back is hurting quite a bit. Today is particularly bad. I think I need to make an effort to do more back friendly activities - like yoga and more stretching. I spend most of my day scrunched over my keyboard and when I am stressed I clench my shoulders and neck. When will I find time for this?? I have no idea.

Ok I think that is enough for now. I should go get this day started.

I need to post more, too.

Work has been crazy, and I’ve been trying to study for this huge industry exam. There is no way I can get through 484 pages of reference material that is drier than the Sahara in time. I think I’m going to have to defer until the next test in December. The problem is that allergies are really kicking my butt and work is tiring so the last thing I want to do at night is study. Really that’s a big excuse since I’ve known about this stupid test since January and just kept putting it off.

It’s sort of a metaphor for my weight loss at the moment too. I think I need a smaller goal to aim for and then I need to actually go for it. I’ve decided my next goal will be 165 which is only 7 lbs away. I can do it. I know what I have to do. Gawd, I’m tired of being in the 170s.

In spite of the fact that I’m not losing tons of weight each week, I really do feel myself getting smaller. I wanted to test the premise, so I tried on my skinny black jeans and was able to get them on. The zipper is still hard to get done up, but when I tried them on at Christmas I couldn’t even get them up over my thighs. So I am getting smaller. I think we need a check-in with reality sometimes that does not involve the evil scale. Another 5lbs and I’ll be wearing those jeans. That’s my goal.

It’s a lovely day out. Last night the DH and I went out to celebrate our anniversary and had a very nice time. I had these amazing brandied shrimp with an Asian pear slaw. The shrimp were slightly sweet and served on a disk of red beet. So interesting and crunchy. And then I had mussels for my main course. We split a bottle of wine and then a cheesecake for dessert. I left the restaurant not feeling stuffed, just full and happy.

I also drank a lot of water with dinner and this morning I booked everything I had yesterday in WW. Went pretty deep into the flex points but it was worth it!

I’m skiving off work today and I’ve spent the morning doing some paperwork and paying bills. All caught up on the household bills, but I do have to sit down soon and get my company books in order. I need to get that stuff off to my accountant to do my corporate taxes. Argh, it is such a tedious job though. Still it does have to be done.

I think The Boy and I will be wandering off to browse through some bookstores and maybe have lunch on a patio somewhere. It’s a beautiful day and seems a shame not to savour it. I’m off to have some water.

It’s been a couple of very busy weeks at work and there has been no time for reading let alone posting during the day. I guess I can’t complain about that since it’s good to be loved and to be busy, but when I get home at night I mostly just want to sit on the couch and stay away from the computer. I need a better computer chair at the very least. It’s much more comfortable on the couch with the laptop.

Weight-wise it’s been a roller coaster. I gained a few lbs at the beginning of the month but I’ve almost lost them again, so that’s good. It’s amazing how upset I got when I saw those numbers going up. All that progress gone in one ill-considered weekend. After having a horrible eat-fest on the Easter weekend, however, I have been back on track. The numbers stuck for a while but I just kept on track and now I’m seeing loss again.

It helps that it’s so much cheaper to bring my lunch than buy it everyday.

I’ve been going to the gym as usual and even jogging on the Dreadmill once a week or so. I know with bad knees it’s not something I should do that often, but I really enjoy it. I just go to my happy running place and I can go and go and go. It’s the same sort of “flow experience” I sometimes have when I write. Hard to not want to do it.

Down another lb this week, and this brings me, finally(!!), to my 10% weight loss goal. Nice to see that number finally get here. It seems like it has taken forever and I still have a long-ish road to go. But I also know that LindaT is right that part of this is probably part of this late 40-something body being darn stibborn. Hey, it worked hard to get all this fat and it seems kinda cranky about giving it up again. But it’s Ok, I believe this will happen in its own time if I just stick to it. I’m in no real hurry.

Working out has been good. I finally bought new running shoes and though my knee still feels wacky the new support does seem to help. I’ve been taking it easy and sticking to exercise other than running. Well, OK, I did lightly jog for four minutes today, but that was at the end of a walking treadmill workout and my knee felt fine. Like many things in this journey it is going to be about listening when a body part complains.

I’ve gone gym-ways three days in a row so I’m taking tomorrow off. If I get to work at a decent time I want to be able to leave early and start the long weekend off correctly. Maybe a movie and a small dinner out? We’ll see how tomorrow goes.

Summary: 19 lbs down and somewhere around 26 to go.

I’m down 2 lbs from the last time I checked in. Sometimes it feels as if the progress is so slow, but then I have to just take a step back and a deep breath. I have to remind myself that I am down 8 lbs since the end of January and 18 lbs since Sept 9th. That is progress

I still haven’t switched down to the next smallest size but my current size clothing is starting to get big. That feels good, even if I look like a bag lady. I don’t really want to buy anything new when I have a closet full of next size smaller clothes just waiting. Luckily we are still in sweater season and I do have some of those that fit.

I’ve had to take a couple of days off the gym (well, OK, one day off from the gym) because my knee is hurting. My plan today is to finally go out and get a new pair of running shoes. I cannot continue using the old ones I have or I’m really going to hurt my knee. There will not be any jogging in my near future either. I will rest and ice until it stops hurting.

In the agenda today is lunch with the in-laws. We’re going to a Portuguese restaurant where they do the most amazing grilled calamari so that is what I will have. Apparently my MIL has been diagnosed with angina so we need to find out what that means. After that we’ll hit a couple of stores for some office supplies and my new shoes.

Enough babbling for now. I’m off to shower and start this day.

It’s funny how the last time I went on this weight loss journey (around 2002 when I first joined 3FC), I was pretty steady loss-wise, averaging about a lb a week, but this time I seem to lose two, then plateau for a couple of weeks and then lose another two. Nothing wrong with that though. I have to remind myself that in Sept of last year I weighed 190 lbs and now I am under 175. It’s not speedy but it is progress.

Maybe this time I am not being quite as hard a$$, watching every bite I eat, but I’m taking a bit more relaxed approach. I’m still not going wild, but I’m trying to let this process teach me how to live. I don’t want too have to do this again, this rollercoaster fo lose weight and gain weight and struggle and gain more weight and then lose some, etc. This is not a fun ride.

But it is an interesting ride.

It’s been a good weekend but weird in sleep. Saturday the Boy and I did a cleaning of the apartment. Cleaning a bathroom, really have to scrub the darn thing, is really a good workout for the arms and legs. Frankly, though, I’d rather go to the gym. Then we went out for dinner at one of our favourite places Saturday night. I let the tight reins loosen a bit for one night. I started with a grilled calamari salad with tomatoes and capers and all manner of good things and had mussels as a main course. It was all very delicious. May have had a bit too much wine, but it was all very relaxing. I sometimes really do think it is not merely good but necessary to not always be so tightly wound.

I have fallen off the no sugar bandwagon. So it goes.

Saturday night though both The Boy and I woke up at 4 AM and it took for ages to get back to sleep. Not sure if he woke me up or I woke him up. I was tired Sunday, but we drove up to see my Mom and have lunch with her. That was nice. If I had been smart I would have called it an early night but I ended staying up to watch the Oscars – even though I’ve only seen very few of the nominated films (Avatar, Julie and Julia, Up in the Air and not much else). It seems the films I like don’t usually win Oscars  It wasn’t as good as other years, but I loved the opening number by Neil Patrick Harris, and thought Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin did a funny job. The thing is just too darn long.

Here’s something else I have been considering: when I get to my goal weight I’m going to buy a red dress. I’ve always wanted one and though I have owned a red dress here and there I have never owned The Red Dress. The Red Dress that ends all other red dresses. I want a true, drop-dead, blue-red, red dress. Maybe like this one or this or maybe vintage like this or this.

And matching red shoes

Sorry that I have’t really been around much lately. I’ve just been feeling a bit off for the last couple of days - sorta loggy and having some digestive issues. I got up this morning, feeling great, went to the gym and it was as if I hit a brick wall - sudden exhaustion. I’m not sure what the issue is since I have been eating well. Maybe I’ve overdone it a bit. Maybe I just need a nice quiet evening on the couch with a cat or two. Maybe a husband, even. He’s soothing on occasion.

See y’all on the flip side and when I have more energy.

BTW at this weight I am now an overweight, NOT an obese, woman. Let me do the dance of celebration!

I’ve made a few changes this week and I think that’s why I had results. I made lunches and made sure there were lots of veggies involved and I also started having a planned afternoon snack – usually a piece of fruit and some melba rounds. This was a direct result of the giving up sugar for Lent issue. I struggled with it earlier this week because in the afternoons I just want a little something, something and candy is right out. The snack seems to be the perfect answer.

Another thing I did this week was be very anal about recording food and not going way over my daily points. I often eat 1 or 2 points more than the base just to give myself wiggle room, but I also like to bank those flex points for little splurges – a meal out, a glass of wine, something like that.

One more change is that I’ve been switching up my workouts and trying some different cardio machines. I have to say that I really love the stair climber and it kicks my butt. I’ve heard people say that it is good to do workouts that mimic actual real-life actions we do in our days, even on the elliptical and the treadmill I’ve been switching up and doing intervals and getting my heart-rate higher than I had been doing, I actually feel the difference it is making.

I should probably get my act in gear and get dinner started. Tonight we are having shrimp “steamed” in white wine with some fresh baguette. Decadent but surprisingly low in calories. The Boy is snoozing beside me and I almost hate to rouse him, but food must be made.

Have a great weekend all!

I keep doing the same things and I keep getting the same results, so it’s probably a sign of insanity that I expect to get better results, when I’m not changing my basic behaviour. I don’t think I can officially say that I have hit a plateau, since to me hitting a plateau implies that I am doing the work and not getting the results, when if I am honest (and I can be here), I’m not really putting in the work.

It’s not as if I’m lounging on a divan in my penoire, eating bonbons, but I’m letting things creep in here and there that are not on plan. I’d used up all my flexpoints by Sunday, with still two days to go, and ended up having to go into my activity points. I hate when that happens. I know they are there to be used, but I hate using them.

I have this kind of slug-like lethargy happening too. I think it’s those mid-February – omigawd-why-is-it-never-sunny-and-why- is-it-so-damp-and-cold-blues. I did make it to the gym on Saturday and did an hour of cardio, but then I sat, lumpish on the couch, for most of the rest of the weekend. It doesn’t help that I have hurt my knee again and it’s bugging me. Not screaming pain, but achy when I flex it, with sharp twinges occasionally, and hyper extending at odd times. I have arthritis in both of my knees and as long as I am careful I can work around them and be kind to them they mostly behave, but when they act up I’m reminded of a lot of past physical follies that brought me to this point.

I don’t really hate being older, but I hate being reminded of it.

Even though I’m not an organized religion kinda gal, I’ve decided to give up sugar for Lent. I actually had a moment of staring on the chocolate drawer at work and thinking, “Crud, you can’t make it through 6 hours, how will you make it 40 days??” and that made me mad enough to walk away. Let’s see if I can do this as a test of character.

So my small goal for this week is to actually live within my points and measure and record everything. No cheatin’.

Yeah, I know in the bigger scheme of things it’s six of one, half dozen of another, but it’s how I feel. Ah, the weird mind games we play with ourselves during this journey.

It’s been a pretty positive week actually, other than the lack of weight loss. I set a goal to go to the gym four times and I managed that, including a longer cardio work out on Saturday. I also had a goal to bring my own lunch more and I’ve actually been organized enough to manage it three of the four days this week. Of course, it helps that I actually have food to bring. Today’s lunch is half a left over plain boiled potato from last night, some zucchini and cucumber chopped in it, a bit of shredded light cheese and a can of tuna with lemon and dill, all heated in the microwave. It sounds as if it would be questionable but it is actually delicious – like a tuna melt without the bread (but with potato). I’ve gotten in the habit of taking some of dinner when I make it and throwing it directly in a Tupperware container when I’m serving it. This not only insures I have lunch but is also reducing my dinner portion sizes – both good things!

I have to say that other than the health benefits this bringing the lunch thing is very kind on the pocketbook. I have the same $20 in my wallet that I had on Monday.

This weekend is a long one due to the poorly named Family Day holiday on Monday. Frankly, I don’t care what they call it as long as I get to take it. The boy and I plan many hours of Olympics watching. He’s trying to put in a plea for junk food, which he can have but I’ll also make sure that we have some cut up veggies for dipping and buy salsa as the dip. There will therefor be NO need for full on damage control. We’re also planning a special dinner for Sunday which is, as you may know, The Day That Shall Not Be Named. A nice meal is my one concession to the stupid day, I’m willing to make. LOL. I am so anti-Valentines, don’t even get me started! Back in the 90s I used to host an annual Bitter Cynics Valentines Day lunch for my fellow cynics. It was always fun. Sometimes, I miss those days!

I better get back to it. Things to do.

I went out to dinner with a friend on Thursday night to a high-end Mexican restaurant, and though the company was terrific, the dining experience was not. The food was so spicy with the type of heat that I just wasn’t used to and yet I still ended up eating and drinking to much. I actually ate until I was uncomfortable. It was such an excruciatingly bad feeling - one that I realized I haven’t had in a long, long time. The result was a non-stop visit from Mr. Reflux for all Thursday night and most of Friday, and I was very tired and cranky.

No food is worth that kind of pain for 24 hours. I’m putting it behind me and moving on.

Today we are going for Chinese buffet with my in-laws, but I’m not too worried about that. I’ll do what I usually do and stick to seafood and vegetables, not have anything fried. I may indulge in the higher fat things in very small quantities, but only if it is something that is looks amazing and that I can’t have at any other time. Surprisingly, very few items pass that test. This place has some nice sushi as well. Just because it’s a buffet doesn’t mean I have to have three or four heaping platefuls of food. I know that everyone else will go back a couple of times so my approach will be to plan several small plates, each of which will be vegetable and salad heavy. I also plan to enjoy what I have. It will be the major meal of the day, and if I need anything this evening I’ll just have some tea and something small. Like some fruit and yogurt.

This morning I’m off to the gym, to get the workout I missed yesterday due to lack of sleep. I also have to enter the rest of yesterday’s food in WW.

Yes I stumbled and fell, but that doesn’t mean I can’t pick myself and get going again.

“Guys, guys, I’ve been looking the latest results for this quarter and frankly, I have to say I’m very disappointed in you all. I know you can do much better than this,

You have the talent but you don’t seem to be willing to put in the effort required to get this job done. You all know that we face many challenges but that doesn’t mean that we can slack off it, means that we need to make sure that we are working smarter not harder.

You, id, do you really need that chocolate? I’ve seen you having it there’s no need to even try to deny it. Did it even make you feel better? No, it did not. Stop smirking, superego, your constant finger pointing is hardly constructive. Less criticism and more teamwork would be helpful from you. And you ego, I’m most disappointed with you. You should have been able to stop them both. Who’s supposed to be in heading this team here? I went to bat for you to put you in charge and I’m not happy that you don’t seem to be rising to the task.

OK, you can all go back to your desks now. I’m expecting better results in the future, or the management may have to rethink our current staffing complement. After all, it’s a tough health market out there and there are plenty of others out there who would jump at the opportunity to do this. Don’t let me down again. I don’t want to have to have another one of these meetings. “

Really what do I want? Do I want to get to goal or not? If not, then I should just keep doing what I’m doing, if I want to get to goal then I need to get my act in gear.

These lbs aren’t going to go wandering off on their own. I’m going to have to do a better job of shoo-ing them. Yes, shoo-ing pounds is work, but I’m willing to do the work. I have to be willing or I won’t get there.

I’m slightly stressed out today and I’m sure that doesn’t help. I’m working a on a new project doing some end-user documentation and I anticipated a nice, quiet day where I could just do my thing and not be bugged, but no, there is much drama. Sigh. I try to just put my head down but I keep getting assigned other things to do that sidetrack me from just writing happily away. It’s hard when I have 5 different projects in various stages of completion and various needs that I have to support. Doubly hard when one of those projects involves my boss’s boss who of course knows that what he does must have priority. Conflicting deadlines and absolutely everything has to be done at the same time. Add some political dealings into the mix and the cocktail is no longer quite so drinkable.

Ah, well, this is the fun life of a contractor that I chose to have and I have to take the good with the bad, and if I am brutally honest I wouldn’t have much fun if I had little or nothing to do. I complain but I am a bit of an adrenaline junky.

I should not even be typing this at the moment, I should be getting up and turning off this computer and going to lift some weights. That’s what I’m going to do.

I just came here to give my head a shake.

Weigh-in was 176, which is down 2 lbs from last week. I don’t know whether to count this as real weigh-in though, since I was sick with some sort of stomach ick on Monday/Tuesday and that may have skewed the number on the scale.

I thought it was food poisoning or food reaction that I had – massive shooting stomach pains, etc – but it turns out one of my coworkers was off with the same thing, so unless we both ate the same thing, it must have been one of those brutal hit and run viruses.

Who am I kidding? I’m taking the two pounds! Now my incentive will be to ensure that they stay off for next week’s weigh-in.

One thing that is always interesting at the beginning of the year is the number of articles and shows and commercials on dieting and exercise and weight loss. I must say that some commercials for weight loss aids just make me open my mouth in complete wonder and say “Are they kidding us???” I won’t name any specific product names – first of all, not to be sued, and, second of all, in case someone out there actually threw their money away on this crap - but just how silly do they think we are? And how desperate are we to actually lose weight that we would completely suspend our disbelief in physics and anatomy?

I know the answer to that is “pretty darn desperate”. I have felt that desperation where the goal seems so far away and we would do anything to speed its arrival. I remember reading somewhere once that they asked a group of women if they would sacrifice a limb if it meant they could be instantly slim and a horrifying percentage of people said they would.

So I had a few thoughts today and I wanted to write them down before it slipped away:

Just working out like a maniac will not make me thin. If I run marathons and still live on McDonalds and cheesecake I am never going to reach my goal. This doesn’t mean I shouldn’t work out, it just means that it’s going to take more than that. I work out for other reasons: stress control and heart health and toning and so that I will be strong and confident and happy. OK, yes, it’ll burn calories too, just not THAT many calories unless I plan to spend two hours a day working out intensely. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have that type of time.

On the flip side, I don’t have to live on carrot sticks and celery for the rest of my life to reach my goal. Into every life a bit of birthday cake is going to fall, what is going to count is what I do in the LONG run. I’ve learned to think in weeks. If I go out for dinner and have a steak and trimmings and some wine, I eat sensibly the rest of the week. And even that spurge meal has changed. I’ll have a small steak with no extra stuff on it, or seafood, and a mixed salad with dressing on the side instead of a Caesar. A baked potatoes with sour cream on the side or, better yet, salsa. If I have dessert, I split it. Sometimes I just have tea. If all else fails and I go to a restaurant and the options seem limited I’ll get something vegetarian. I mostly avoid fried foods, cheese, and the bread basket. But not always. Not always.

And I have, in spite of the sound of my Mom’s voice in my head, learned to leave food on my plate.

Mostly I have learned to relax and not stress out over this process. Yes, I have to be diligent and I shouldn’t have everything I want to shove in my head, but by letting myself relax I know it’s all OK. It becomes less “I CAN”T HAVE THAT EVER!!!” and more “Meh, I choose not to have that”.

I choose. It’s about what I choose.

OMG I have blathered way too long. Carrying on now.

I’m not a “new years resolutionist”. I didn’t just start this journey. This isn’t a new beginning or a starting point for me; it’s just a temporary lay-by on my journey. I have no problems making it to the gym a four times a week and I already understand the fine benefits of workouts and eating better.

But it is, after all, new years and that means we have gone through the season of temptation and delight and come out safely on the other side. And maybe that means that the old routine will fall back into place. And maybe it will have to be forced back into place with a big mental crowbar.

I maintained a weight of 178 through the worst of the stress and holiday madness and I am happy about that, and I even managed to maintain my workout schedule (mostly) and I’m happy with that too, but I have no more excuses and I need to get this train moving again.

I’ve lost 12 pounds and I have 38 to go. Next goal is 174 and the no longer obese category. Here we go. Weigh-in is Wednesday, See everyone then.

But a new year begins tonight and it’s time to get back to work again. I will have one last night of decadence and then face the music. I did manage to go to the gym four times this week and did long cardio sessions so that’s good.

Tonight’s plan is to make sure that I drink water or other non-alcoholic things between “real” drinks. I’ll probably stick to white wine and have a bit of champagne at midnight.

To everyone out there, may your New Years Eve be everything you want – loud and raucous or quite and sweet. A new year means new possibilities so let’s make sure that everyone gets through the night safely. If you are going out make sure you have a safe way to get home. And remember to be careful of those other people on the roads.

Happy New Year!!!

• Went to Chinese buffet for a family lunch and stuck to veggie dishes and things that were not battered and/or fried.
• My SIL, a lovely woman, gave each of us a HUGE box of baked goods – macaroons, fudge, brownies, and at least three dozen butter tarts. I did not have any of them until I took them to a Christmas party last night. There I had one of the macaroons (which was fabulous). I brought the rest of the box into work today to make my coworkers eat them. Today I did have one (1) butter tart and it was a transcendental experience. Best. Butter. Tart. Ever. I ate it and I’m not feeling guilty about it since it was worth every calorie. Besides if I tell myself “You will never ever butter tart again” what good would that do? That’s not realistic. Yes, I will tart occasionally, but only occasionally and I will do it mindfully and make sure it was worth it. If the butter tart had not been amazing I would have taken a bite and tossed the rest. Life is too short and calories too few to waste on sub-standard baked goods.
• I’ve been to the gym as per usual even though I have felt like crap. The head cold is mostly gone but I do still have the coughing thing happening. Yesterday after cardio I had this painful lung tightness so I took today as a “no workout” day. But then I often take Wednesday as my day off, so that’s no big deal. I’m going tomorrow morning even though I’m only coming into work for a few hours.

I really just want to maintain my weight until this season is over. That, in itself, would be a victory.

I’m leaving work early today to go to the market and buy seafood for tomorrow night. We’re going to start with shrimp in some form (maybe classic Mad Men era shrimp cocktail with homemade cocktail sauce) and then follow that with crab and a Portuguese salsa (onion, green pepper, tomato, very fine dice, hot pimento paste and just a touch of EVOO). We have a bottle of wine and no place to go tomorrow night.

Christmas we’ll head to the in-laws for late lunch and there will probably be too much food. European hospitality is like that, but I’m planning to manage what I can and we’ll probably skip dinner or just have something very small.

Once Christmas is over I am off work until the new year. The plan is to relax and take it easy. The Boy and I have some movies we want to see and I’m going to connect with some friends while I am off. It will be nice. I also plan to continue getting 5 workouts in per week and actually hope I can spend more time in the gym. The good thing is I’ll be able to drive over, workout and then come home – so that’s even more convenient. I just have to check the operating hours, but I think they are even open on Christmas Day for a few hours (not that I’m going that day).

I better wander off.

If I’m not back here in the next couple of days I wish every one a safe, healthy, and joyful holiday.