You Can Call Me Madcat!

Accomplished. Today’s lunch is Gardennay Fire Roasted Pepper soup, some crudités (as the French would say), an apple and a pear. It’s yummy and I’m looking forward to it.

My big aha moment for this week is that the secret to not starving in the morning (or in fact for most of the day) is Bran Buds cereal. When I have that and yoghurt for breakfast I’m not starving at 10:30, eating my lunch then and then restless and hungry by 4 PM (my personal danger zone). I guess Mr. Fibre really is my friend.

Also a good thing since I have an annoying bladder infection. I spent two (non billable) hours yesterday morning in the walk-in clinic to get some drugs and they seem to be helping. But man, this sucks. I get them periodically and sometimes they just go away and sometimes they don’t. Last time my doctor sternly told me that I should wait to see if they are going to go away but I should take myself immediately to a walk-in clinic. He also told me a horror story about someone who didn’t that I don’t think I need to go into here. Sometimes I think he makes these stories up, but then I guess one’s kidneys are not really something to neglect. So I’m on antibiotics (which I hate) and starting to feel better from the infection but worse from the treatment.

So it goes.

I’ve got a side job tonight doing minutes at a condo’s general meeting. Normally I don’t do this kind of thing, but I quoted a stupid price at them thinking they would turn me down but they were willing to pay. Heck, a bit more money never hurts and it’s good to not have all one’s eggs in the same employer’s basket.

I have stuck to plan today. Even when one of my coworkers brought me a cookie from Subway, I just recorded it and stayed within my points. Now I know it’s only one day, but it was good.

I already have tomorrow’s lunch packed since I made two lunches last night. I added some leftover black beans and rice to bump it up a bit since without the cookie I would have been under points today. If I’m going to add points I might as well make it nutrious food. And I must say that I make a kickbutt black beans and rice. The secret is the half teaspoon of Portugeuse hot sauce.

I feel good today in spite of the fact that it’s cold out still. I’m tired of waiting for spring already.

Yes I went to the gym this morning and did cardio and a bit of stretching. Not exciting, but there it is.

We’re gone out for breakfast at Tim Hortons and done the grocery shopping. This is a little Sunday morning ritual where we sit and drink coffee and watch people go through the drivethrough while we figure out what goceries we need to buy. It’s very interesting at the Tims on a Sunday morning, since you see all sorts. For example, there was this lovely older man sitting on the bench outside with his ancient German Shepard. We watched as the man carried on a converstion with the dog and gently wiped crap out of the dog’s eyes. It was so sweet. You could tell that he just loved his doggie, and by that we could tell he was probably a very kind man. Old friends at the Tims on a Sunday morning.

We also saw a man go through the drivethrough driving a van who was so large that he had the seat almost reclined full so he could fit behind the steering wheel. He was also dangling a cigarette from his fingers out the window. Funny, but what I felt wasn’t revulsion but a massive surge of compassion for him. Who knows what path people take to that point in their lives and who are we to pass judgement?

Thank you very much to everyone who commented on my last entry. I feel as if I am more prepared for this week than I have been in a while. So I will be “wrapping” this week. I figure the best thing to do is just plan a single thing for lunch and try to manage that for 4 days this week. Once I have set the habit in stone I can try variety. I just don’t want to get overwhelmed. So lunch this week will be turkey, argula, peppers, tomato in a wrap jalpeno corn wrap, with 2 peices of fruit and some carrots and celery for a snack. I’ll cut and pack the veggies the night before and have everything ready to grab and go in the morning. IF I do not pack lunch I can also come home for lunch.

I’m back posting at WW too. I’ve already posted what I had for breakfast (it was the wrong choice but I’ll own up to it and adjust my intake for the day). We’re ordering in dinner so I’ve already calculated that. Lunch will have to be 5 points to keep within my limits, but I can do that. I’m thinking big salad and some protein.

It’s going to be a good day. I’ll even make it to the gym. A good day indeed.

And I mean early morning. It feels as if I have been awake for hours - oh wait, I HAVE been awake for hours. Who needs an alarm clock when they have not one, but two, fuzzy alarm clocks? I don’t even remember when I was last able to sleep in on a Saturday morning. This morning my wake up call was a something purring in my ear and then nibbling on my arm (and no, it wasn’t the DH). So, just to make the cats happy, I’m up.

But I’m not feeding ‘em until I feel like it.

I’m spending the morning looking around for meal ideas, particularly breakfast and lunch ideas. I think I just need a bit of guidance. My goal for this week will be to pack a lunch and take it, because it seems to work when I am able to do that. I guess that means grocery shopping will have to be on the agenda either later today or tomorrow morning. I starting at the WW site, but if any one has any suggestions or other sites they like to use for this kind of thing I’d appreciate the ideas.

Once the DH is up, we’ll get cleaned up and head out of town to visit my Mom. I haven’t seen her since Christmas so we’re going to drive north and take her for lunch. I do call her every week but I’m such a weenie about winter driving that I just can’t manage the drive through the hills to her place in bad weather. She completely understands, but she is still disappointed I don’t come more often.

Not much happening other than that. Frankly, it’s 7:30 and I could already use a nap. Oh, it’s going to be one of those days.

At least I’m having veggies today. I had some veggies and tofu from the Chinese place for lunch today and I have some celery and baby carrots on the side. Later I’ll have some fruit salad.

I’m going to leave work early to go home and throw laundry in. Hopefully there won’t be other people there. It’s very stressful having to share a laundry room with other people in our building. The worst are the moms with the big families who take all 7 machines at once. Ok, I know kids are laundry generators, but couldn’t you have left 2 machines for someone else? I don’t ask much. And I generally only use two machines at once even if I have four loads to do. Heck, the building is supposed to be a housing co-op which implies that you have agreed to live communally with other people – but you wouldn’t always know it based on some people’s selfish behavior. Really, the world would be a better place with less self-involved individuals allowed to do what they want without regard to anyone else’s needs.

Ok, enough ranting.

I just had a moral victory in that I did visit the Dreaded Vending Machine (DVM) but just bought sugarless gum even though the granola bar was softly singing my name. Actually the gum was probably a better choice in that I think I’m clenching my jaw when I write for long periods of time. Chewing gum seems to help me not clench and actually loosens my neck and shoulders a bit. I could really use a good stretch. Or a bike ride (just because it is fun).

I read LindaT’s blog and have to ask myself the same question: Am I committed to this process? If I’m not, I better get to the point where I am or it will never work. Heck, most days I would agree that I should “be committed”, but that’s in another context.

Sometimes it is hard to find time to blog, but I’m trying.

Yesterday was NOT the most successful food day I’ve ever had (oh sarcasm). Breakfast was fine – English muffin and cheez whiz and coffee. Lunch was a turkey subway sandwich and I even bought some celery and carrots for a snack… and then the wheels just fell off my day. I also had a yogurt that turns out wasn’t low fat – with granola… and ate that with cantaloupe then I bought Sun Chips from the machine even though I wasn’t even hungry. And then had too much pizza for dinner. It’s like I am possessed by some sort of self defeating spirit. Omigawd.

Today is another day, though, and I need to let it go and move on. Breakfast (EM + CW) was the usual before going to the gym. I went for a walk at lunch because I had to go to the bank to deposit my pay cheque into my business account. And I got a small chicken shawarma for lunch. Oh and I had an apple for the 10:30 I’m starving hour. There will be no recurrence of the Sun Chip incident – in fact, the vending machine is dead to me for now on, though I really need some gum to kill the garlic from the shawarma. I had a pear to have later when the boredom of the day drives me to eat. Frankly, I think that is my problem – that I get tired and restless around 3 and then I end up eating.

This wouldn’t happen if I just planned out what I was going to eat and then stuck to the plan. I even know I shouldn’t do it as I’m putting the coins in the machine and I do it any way.

Am I serious about this or not?

The new plan is to have a plan. Plan. Plan. Plan.

If I want something later I can have my pear… or some tea… or some sugar free gum. I don’t NEED anything else. I’m not hungry and I can’t keep feeding those inner demons. They have already overstayed their welcome. Feeding them only makes them stick around.

On an up note, it is a lovely day out and I plan to enjoy as much of the sun as I can. Have a good day, fellow chicks!

It is a lovely day out - sunny and not “equator” kind of warm but “warm for Canada in March” warm. I did the only thing any right thinking Chick could do under the circumstances and got out my bike, pumped some air in the tires, and went for a ride.

It was a bit chilly. Though the air is warm the lake is still really cold, and there was a slight fog rising off the water. Bit windy too. My ears are cold and I’m all salty, but oh, it felt good. I think March 16th is the earliest I have ever been able to go out and ride. If you hear me grumbling tomorrow about how my seat area hurts and my hands hurt and my arms/back hurt, remind me of how good I feel at this moment, will you?

At this minute, I believe that spring is a possibility at some point. There are times in the depth of winter when we all doubt.

I’m still thinking on the food exercise process that it will take to get to my goal. I think that I need to exercise for my heart health, but I need to eat for the rest of my body’s health. We ate breakfast out this morning, but it was big and late so I haven’t eaten since. Dinner we are going to order in tonight. I’ll have chicken without skin and some veggies or a salad, so that will be in the right ball park. Tomorrow I am going to go back to tracking everything I eat.

I know I can do this. I just have to decide I want it and not accept any behaviour that doesn’t help me reach that goal.

I’ve cooled off enough so I think I’ll go take a shower. My face is crunchy from the dried sweat. And once I finish with the water on the outside of me, I’ll get some water on the inside of me too.

I think it’s funny that I have filed this blog under my humour category in “My Favourites”. Is there something wrong with filing a personal blog under humour? I think it says something about my approach to life.

LindaT (as usual) is right in that I can exercise until I drop and I won’t lose the weight until I start doing some things around what I actually fuel this body with. I can’t run a Ferrari engine on chocolate and fried food – not that I eat chocolate and fried food, but you get the idea. My downfall is (and ladies, who hasn’t heard this one before?) Portion Size. I actually eat fairly healthily – I just eat too much. Oh, and I probably drink too much too if it comes to that… not just the wine but my inability to make great food choices once I’ve had the wine. Many a cheesecake has come into my life after one nice glass too many of Pinot Grigio. And cheese. Man, I love cheese just a little too much. It’s like an abusive relationship that I just can’t seem to quit.

On the up side, I love exercise. Well, to be honest, I don’t love it so much as I love what it allows me to do. I was at the gym this morning, feeling fine, and I ended up doing an hour of cardio. I could actually have spent the entire morning there just doing exercise. But you could put some of that down to the fact that it was a lovely sunny day and it seems a shame I have to spend it at work. But I do like the feel of pushing myself… and the deep breathing… and the way my mind just goes to its happy working place when I work out. I like lifting weights and stretching and doing hard things with a medicine ball. I sometimes think I should hire a PT just to get me to do those things I don’t like as much. I’d like to be more flexible. I could always stand to be stronger.

Working out does not let me eat whatever I want and get away with it. That’s a lie. But working out does allow me to sail through physicals with zero cholesterol problems and no blood sugar problems and no other problems that I should have at this weight. It’s not a Get Out of Jail Free card – and I’m afraid that one day it will catch up with me, even with the working out and the not eating fried food and all the other things I pat myself on the back for.

I’m 47 years old and 180 lbs. I have arthritis in my knees that isn’t helped by the weight. I have a family history of diabetes that I’m beating the odds on so far. How long will this golden ticket be valid for?

I have to stop kidding myself and start getting motivated again. 20 % is exercise and 80% is the eating. It’s time I start with that other 80% again.

I spent all the time setting the blog up and then haven’t actually written anything since. You know, the one thing the blogs could really use is a spell check feature.

I’m not feeling great today, but I think it’s just my sinuses and the never ending roller coaster of weather. For instance it started at 10C this morning and its dropping to zero or less by this afternoon. You gotta love when those cold fronts and warm fronts chase each other through the sky like unruly dogs.

I have not really been focusing on the food thing lately – but since I haven’t really felt great I haven’t really been overeating either. Once again I did not bring lunch and I’m almost tempted to go home and make myself a sandwich – except for two things: a) I think they are coming in to some a pest maintenance visit this afternoon (they do it every year as a preventative) and b) if I were to go home I probably wouldn’t make it back this afternoon. I thing the siren call of the couch would be too hard to ignore. I’ll go out and pick something up instead – maybe even a lean cuisine from the little grocery store across the street. Really, what I would like is some nice soup. Maybe a salad. Ah, the joys of no longer working in the downtown core means that food required foraging. I could just Subway which has the advantage of being close and tasty and fairly low cal.

I am lacking a certain amount of motivation today (again I blame the sinuses) and I have a user guide I need to finish, but they keep redoing the functionality on the software and I’m getting frustrated by the sections I have to re-write. Dudes, why not wait until you are DONE and then I’ll write the thing? Of course I suspect they’ll be making changes right up to the launch date so that won’t help.

One of my brothers is coming over tonight. I created and manage his business website and so he wants to do some updates. Apparently he found another freelance web job I can have if I want it. Not sure I really need to have more work on top of the day job, the website I do for home, my sister visits and all the volunteer stuff I do with the neighbourhood association. I’ll have to think about it but I’ll probably turn it down.

You know, I’m not sure if I need to stop doing all this extraneous stuff or if the extraneous stuff is the only think holding me together some days. I’m just too busy to be depressed.

It seems that my old blog was deleted from my own neglect, so I’m back with a new attempt. So far, it’s a pretty nice format of blog, but let’s see if I can stick with this one.

Some days my thughts just back up in my head and I can’t necessarily get them out in bytes. Or maybe I just don’t want to. What is it they say “Denial is more than just a river in Egypt”?

Like that.