The De-Fattening of Jamie K.

After a really awful few days (emotionally and food-wise… ALWAY TIED. ALWAYS), things are getting back on track. I can’t say they ARE, because I’m still not back to my regular workout routine. And you know why?

Because I have no almond milk.

No joke. When I have almond milk, I can make my shake in the morning. Making my shake reminds me to take my iron. When I take my iron, I have more energy (IRON HELPS US PLAY!). When I have more energy, I’m all about working out and cleaning ALL THE THINGS.

Solution? Maybe I oughtta buy some gat’danged almond milk. Consarnit.

But work is better, and it looks like maybe (just maybe) we’ll have a new (used, but still) car tomorrow!! I’m waiting to get really giddy until I sign (my life away) on the dotted line.

We’re also in the midst of planning 2 trips. I mean, *I* am. Because really, who else is going to obsessively plan if I won’t?

Trip 1: Small weekend camping jaunt to Riding Mountain National Park with my onliest honey for our anniversary on July long weekend. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

Trip 2: This is a scaled-back version of our GRAND SUMMER PLAN to go to California (too much $, sadly). Still awesome: take the kids to Yellowstone for 2 weeks of camping, hiking, swimming, and general awesomeness in August.

I’d like to be down to 220 by July, and maybe even under 200 for mid-August (though that’s pushing it, I know).

The weight is still coming off fairly steadily, though I’ve ceased to feel as svelte. 246.8 this morning, for an overall weightloss from the beginning of March of 52lbs, and about 76lbs from my highest weight. I should just get my butt in gear. Onederland is feeling-not-so-much-like-a-bull-elephant-when-I-wear-a-bathing-suit territory for me.  

Today the scale hit 249.7.

I am less than 2 lbs away from my 50lb goal, and I’m now closer to 200 than 300. I should be over the moon.

But I’m not.

I’m down in the dumps. I’m tired of having to focus on this. I’m tired of feeling jiggly and fat. I’m tired of watching my partner tone his beautiful legs and arms so easily and feeling like a beached whale next to him. I’ve only been at this less than 2 months, and already I feel that ‘QUIT!’ voice niggling at the back of my brain. “It’s easier to be fat,” it says. “Don’t you want to enjoy a cheeseburger with your family? Don’t you miss well-done fries and everything with melted cheese,” it reminds me. “Being a fat, single mom is EASY, and being a fit, toned girlfriend his HARD. The rest of your life isn’t easy, so why make things harder for yourself??”

This voice is more and more convincing all the time.

If you’ve been following my ticker, you know that the weight has been coming off pretty damn steadily since I started just over a month ago.  Sure, I’ve been working out more, and weight training, and even started the c25k again yesterday. However, we all know (by now) that it’s 80% what you’re eating, and 20% what you’re doing.

So I must be starving myself, right?

SO NOT. In fact, I eat any time I’m hungry. Even a chocolate now and again, or that white cheddar popcorn that invades my house, or one of the BEST ICE CREAM CONES IN THE WORLD EVER IN LIFE YOU GUYS from Vicki’s in my partner’s home town.

It’s just that what I *used* to eat was so, so awful. I broke my new food choices and old food choices down, and it becomes pretty obvious both why my body was shutting down, and why it’s so frickin’ ecstatic to be getting healthier:

New Day Meal Plan (example -I do NOT eat the same thing every day - how boring!)

Breakfast: Almond milk with a scoop of protein powder; 1-2 pieces of fruit. Iron supplement.

AM Snack (if I get time): Fruit or a Fibre One bar

Lunch: Black beans, fresh corn, tomato, onion, a whole avocado, shredded chicken, shredded cheese, and salsa. Sometimes in a bowl, sometimes in a tortilla; 1-2 pieces of fruit, greek yogurt

PM Snack: Fruit and/or a bowl of popcorn; celery with PB (MMMMM!!!!)

Dinner: Whatever I make for the family. Stir fry, meat pie, tacos, wraps…

Night snack: This I’ve mostly tried to cut out, but if I’m craving something sweet (which I usually do in the evenings), I’ll have a bowl of strawberries sprinkled with stevia and a glass of almond milk.

Old Day Meal Plan (psshht… as if it was planned)

Breakfast: Carrot muffin (from Robin’s at the uni) and a pop or vitamin water. It turns out these carrot muffins, clocking in at a whopping 520 calories and 23g of fat EACH, are the worst choice. Worse that cinnamon buns, worse than donuts. Veggie in the title DOES NOT EQUAL healthy.

AM Snack (if time): A yogurt parfait from the uni (sweetened yogurt, pie filling for fruit, and sugary granola). 350 calories

Lunch: 3 piece fried chicken, wedges, and double honey dill sauce. Maybe a dessert. Pop. 2500 calories, easy.

PM Snack. 2 chocolate bars. Pop. 500 cal on the chocolate alone.

Dinner: Too tired to cook. ORDER ALL THE PIZZA! Eat at least 5 pieces. Usually 6. Sometimes 7. I dunno…1700 calories? 2000? More? It’d be funny if it wasn’t so, so sad.

Night Snack: My FAVE was an ENTIRE PACKAGE of Pirate cookies (YYUUUUUMMM). Failing that, an entire bag of Doritos. 1 box of Pirate cookies: 2500 cal. One SNACK then = 2 DAYS of food now.

COMPARE AND CONTRAST:

New Plan: I don’t count carbs, but I do avoid white bread, pasta, rice, etc., unless it’s a special occasion. Or I feel like it. :p 1200-1700 calories a day, sometimes up to 2100.

Old Plan: ELEVENTYBAJILLIONCARBSANDFAT. 7000-10000 calories min.

1lb = approximately 3500 calories.

See where I’m going with this?

*This is funny because I *am* a research scientist.

The Up this week was actually in my eating: I had my first binge last night. I’d been doing so well avoiding all the easter chocolate madness around my house, but then my SO and I sat down to watch a movie, and I just went to town. 3c of kettle corn, 4 tbsp of (albeit low-fat) peanut butter, and the worst: TEN chocolate eggs!!! Combined, they total an ENTIRE DAY’s worth of calories.

Ugh. Oh, the regret!!!

But, today is a new day, and I’ve decided I’m going to start to try the C25k a little early, since I’ll be away with my daughter’s art camp next week, and won’t have access to a gym or my elliptical.

The down, shockingly, is in my weight - this morning the scale flashed 258lbs!! That’s a total of 40 LBS LOST!!! I still don’t see it, but I feel it in my clothes and my general well-being.  Now if I can just do this three more times, I’ll be plenty below my goal!

So this morning was the first time I really, truly felt like nothing had changed. I looked in the mirror, and saw only the FattyMcFatfat that I’ve always seen. Ignoring the numbers on the scale (could be inaccurate), and the measurements on the tape (lies, obvs), I just KNEW that my body hadn’t changed at all.

I was a sad panda.

BUT.

Then, when I was walking down the hall at work, I felt like something was missing out of my line of vision. My hair pulled back? Nope. My flabby arm wings? Nope, still there. Belly? N…wait… what?? I looked down, and all I could see were my boobs and my feet. I consciously pushed out my belly a little, as I (like most, I suspect) suck it in a lot at work. Nope, still MIA.

I didn’t even have this on my goal list, but as it turns out, it was a much-needed boost for me. It’s been at least 2 years since, when I looked down, I couldn’t see my belly below my boobs. At this point, I don’t even care if it’s weight loss, or more toning, or my bra, or just better posture. It was just what I needed in that moment.

In other news, I’ve decided to swap out my 50 lb reward. Instead of blowing $150 taking the whole fam to Red Lobster, we’ve decided to put all our extra dollars and cents right now into renting a vacation house for the ENTIRE MONTH OF AUGUST.

Guess I’d better work on that beach body.

Goals:

Only possess ONE chin
Knees that don’t rub together when I walk
Thighs that don’t rub together when I walk
No flightless wings
Flat stomach
Wrists and fingers that will support regular jewellery
Buy jeans from The Gap/Warehouse One
Eyes that are not smooshed in by fat
Run 5k
Bikini
Curtainless knees
Ass that doesn’t fly around when I’m on top
Belly that doesn’t fly around when I’m on the bottom
Non-fat lady bits.

Rewards:
288 - First 10 lbs! Cute Jacket DONE! 03/19/12
273 - 25 lbs down!  - New Hair! DONE! 03/27/12
270 - 100lbs to go - New mp3 player! DONE! 04/01/12 (haven’t purchased it yet)
248 - 50 lbs lost!! Put an extra $100 towards summer plans! DONE! 04/26/12
233 - lowest weight as an adult EVER!!
223 - 75 lbs lost!! New (GOOD) Runners!
199 - ONEDERLAND!!!
198 - 100 lbs gone!!! Night out on the town (complete with new dress)!
189 - Summer Goal (For 08/09/12, exactly 5 months from my official start date). CALIFORNIA, HERE WE COME!!!
180 - Sexy Swimsuit!
173 - 125 lbs gone! Take dance classes!
170 - GOAL!! WEEP FOR FUCKING JOY!!!!