So I hit my 30th Day Feb 3rd, which was an amazing thought because originally my plan was only the 30 day challenge and not the 90 day challenge, but these 30 days went by so fast I didn’t even realize it! Good to know that the 30 day really isn’t that bad! In reference to all that crying that was coming out in my last week, my 30th class was the top of them all, I was balling almost the entire 2nd half of class ! I had never cried this much in any of the other classes this month, I felt like it was some breakthrough and everything was just coming out once and for all on the 30th day. It is funny because I had just finished one of BIkram’s Books and near the end he talked about how we are all looking for our own purposes in life and there is no need to look anymore, but just come to this hatha yoga of his and yoga will tell you and guide you on your path of life. I thought this sounded kind of superficial and I wasn’t sure what to think of it. I knew doing Bikram makes you become a nicer, calmer person and therefore you end up making well informed decisions because you are thinking with a clear mind, so I thought this is what he might be referring to. But today in this 30th class I experienced what he was talking about and now I understand what he means. What I mean by that is, the last week or so where I have been crying in almost every class and sometimes in the day time, I had no idea what I was crying about, but some how, in some weird way, in this 30th class while I was practicing, it just came to me, I knew exactly why I was upset inside. And that is why I ended up balling the hardest in this class, I came to this realization, and it came out through my yoga practice, and smack in the middle of it too! I knew that I couldn’t hold this sensation inside anymore and it was time to confront the people who I thought were making me feel this way. At the end of the day it is ourselves who makes ourselves feel a certain way, not someone else, we may blame other people, but at the end of the day we are the ones who let them get to us.
This class was a huge eye opener and I am very blessed to come to this understanding of what Bikram was talking about. I hope that I reveal more things that are kept deep inside my body that I don’t like to talk about, because I swear I felt such a relief after letting all those emotions out and realizing that I just need to talk to these people that I let make me feel this way. Class was a heavy one, but also a very relieving one, and I am glad I hit a breakthrough at class 30, now only to see what day 60 brings me !!
A journey to connect with me.