Failure

July 23rd, 2013

I’m heading into something of a depressive downswing. I’m almost positive my weight is up and I’m down to just 17 days until my birthday. I’m 98% sure that I’ve failed.

Money is so tight that I’m afraid of everything. I have less than $100 in the bank and I’m hoping to God I get paid this week.

I’m afraid of making a wrong move at work because I need the money, as I just established above, and because losing my last job, even though it wasn’t my fault, was a blow to my already shaky self-esteem.

It’s nearing my TotM so my anxiety is worsening. I’m upset with my boyfriend at any given time, remembering past things he upset me with that, all in all, weren’t horribly bad. The anxiety just takes over.

My current pay and hours are dependent upon my success is my position. I’m not really trained to do any of this, I’m just interested in it, so I’m afraid I’ll fail to provide results. But I’m reading as much as I can and trying to be as efficient as possible. It’s all I can really do I suppose.