30 Day Shred - Day 2

October 23rd, 2014

Yesterday was the day I decided to make a change. I skipped coffee and ate only healthy food. I also made sure I carried a water bottle with me at work all day. I felt good but was tired and the pushups were hard.

Today, the pushups were at least as hard, if not worse. They’ve always been my weakest point and today my arms were sore. I’ve also been nursing a terrible headache all day, a sign of caffeine withdrawal, I’m sure. My body is still sore from the nearly two week long illness I had and my chest is still a bit congested. I’m hoping this clears up soon.

Almost as bad as the ongoing headache is my feeling of depression, another sign of withdrawal. In the middle of the routine, I felt like I wanted to cry multiple times. I held it in even as I felt the tears bubbling up inside me. Part of me wonders if this routine is actually something someone like myself can do. But I keep going anyways.

I’ve been unable to fall asleep before 2:00am since I got sick. But tonight I’m tired and I’m making smarter choices for myself. After I finish this entry, I will lie down in bed and read until I can sleep. Day 3 tomorrow, not giving up.

Gained weight before wedding!

October 21st, 2014

I’ve gained a ton of weight and at the exact wrong time. My wedding is in May and my dress fitting is January. I’ve got approximately 90 days to lose about 20 pounds. That means I need to lose 1.5 pounds a week if my goal is 1/20/15. I’m going to try to start strong and get a lead by losing the first 5 fast because those 5 are overweight pounds. The next few might not be hard either but I expect 138 down to be rough. I am going to judge by my clothes, not my scale. When my fitting gets closer or I can tell I’ve made a lot of progress, I’ll check the .

I am going to eat more veggies, drink more water, and hopefully get more rest…I say this at 2:30am of course but I’m stressed and can’t sleep… I bought a few work out DVDs and will start tomorrow.

This time last year I was 5 pounds lighter. At least it could be worse, I weighed 147 in April! I have the same goal this year that I had last year - reach the 120s by my birthday. Given that this leaves me with 9.3 pounds to lose in 38 days, I’ll be cutting it close. If I don’t make it, that’s okay. I will definitely make it shortly afterward!

I feel generally uplifted. I think seeing how close I am to where I was before helps. I think Weight Watchers gives me direction. And I think getting into grad school makes me feel freer. I’m no longer afraid that I’ll be stuck at my current job because I don’t see myself staying there full time after August. I might just take a bunch of days off around my birthday, head home, and then go part time even!