Miserable

June 3rd, 2013

I’ve gained two pounds since I last weighed myself which isn’t a huge deal but I need to put a stop to it fast. I’ve been eating out a lot, mostly because my boyfriend and I have been having so much fun together. We don’t really think much of it. It’s never expensive food but it’s almost always junk…

Things have stabilized since my last entry and we no longer have any problems. At least not within our relationship although we have pretty standard problems outside our relationship to deal with - disapproving family, finances, work, etc..

I still haven’t found any work since losing my job at the end of April. I have to apply for welfare tomorrow and fight to get unemployment because everyone else can seem to get it while I’m being put through the ringer. I’m burning through my savings because, thus far, I have received no help and almost no job leads. I’m either over qualified or under qualified. Any job I’d gladly take to pay my bills doesn’t want me because they know that with my background, I’m not staying permanently. My college education is actually, at times, a hindrance.

My dog is driving me nuts on top of things. He’s got an ear infection and both of his eyes are infected. To remedy the problem as well as get him more flea and tick meds plus heart worm meds, I had to drop $180. He’s also running around the house destroying things no matter how many times I reprimand him. I feel bad about it but at the same time, I’m frustrated that I’ve had him for 4 months now but no one has learned anything. I get that he’s my dog but if you value your belongings, you would still take precautions like, for example, shutting your bedroom door in case he runs upstairs. I can’t watch him every second of every day, some accommodations have to be made. They agreed to me getting the dog, I’d really appreciate it if we could do this the easy way rather than the hard way. Shutting your door and puttings things out of his reach could mean the difference between keeping your items intact and losing them entirely.

Today began like any other day - I was in my room with the door open so he could come and go as he pleased. My roommate was downstairs, he was on the floor playing with his toys. But my roommate decided to go shopping and didn’t tell me so I never knew he was unattended on the bottom floor. I go downstairs to get a drink and there he is, chewing a wooden elephant statue her Dad had bought her for her birthday… I can’t replace that. I could give her money, if I had much - neither of us does at the present moment - but it wouldn’t change the fact that it’s destroyed.

If I had more time in the living room, I’d sit with him myself - it’s not a difficult task, if you’re with him he pretty much entertains himself. But I’ve always been the roommate who stays in her room. At one point, it was seriously suggested that I, more or less, needed to make an appointment to be there. So I just always default to being here, in my room…maybe I’ll need to change that, squeeze in downstairs or something. I’ve just always taken the loner path, the one of least resistance, and kept to myself.

My car needs inspected this month. I have no clue what that will cost, assuming I’m not required to fix something ridiculous although knowing my luck, I will be.

I’m not speaking to my parents. They were driving me nuts - long story - and as a result, I missed my dog’s original vet appointment as well as applying for welfare. I snapped at them, frustrated that they consider themselves so much more important than everything else in my life, and was told “not to call here no more”. So I don’t. I haven’t spoken to them in almost a week.

I started my TotM yesterday. It began with a bang, too - the worst headache I have ever had in my entire life. I thought my brain was going to explode out of my skull. Now I feel weak, anxious, and crampy which are standard menstrual symptoms for me, although still unpleasant.

I really hope things begin to look up soon. I really hope I have enough money to survive on until I find work. I wish someone would just hire me, please.

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