Somebody’s Fat Grandma

I polled a small audience online. Nothing scientific about it, just doing “Yahoo Answers.” I first asked if people would consider dating an obese person. Answers ranged from “Ewww, gross, no!” to “I would think an obese person would smell bad.” I do wonder why people make that assumpiton. Just because someone has a large body doesn’t mean they don’t take a shower. It doesn’t make any sense to me.

Then I wondered if they and I were defining “obese” in a different way. I meant only, “in the obese range on a BMI chart.” Apparently they meant, “grossly misshapen.” That is, what many today would consider super-morbidly obese. When I re-phrased the question to say simply “overweight,” people were much more accepting, although the majority of men still took the “no fat chicks” stand. The reason one man gave was that overweight women have emotional issues, and their size shows how out of control they are. Too bad I didn’t get more answers from *women* on whether or not they would date an overweight *man.* It seems society cares more about a woman’s body size than a man’s.

Only one of my responders was what can be considered a total jerk. When I then expanded (no pun intended) the question to include people in other categories, such as different race, different religion, in a wheelchair, etc., only “religion” didn’t make a difference to that man. (I would venture to guess he has none.) As for the physical disability, he wrote, “If she’s in a wheelchair how would we do it so no.” As if that’s the only thing women exist for. I’m not really considering his opinion as anything valid; just pointing him out to show that some of those people who say “no fat chicks” really are jerks.

There are people who say it isn’t shallow; it’s merely evolutionary. That men are visual, while women are tactile. Men are first attracted by what they see, and then by the personality. Finally it becomes love. I don’t know. This more than suggests that if a woman doesn’t look exactly right by society’s standards, she will never find love, because she will never break through the initial physical attractiveness barrier. From what I’m reading, this is the experience of some women. But it hasn’t been mine. I’ve been married more times than I care to admit. Let me say that THIS marriage, the one I’m IN, is the one that counts for me, because THIS marriage is to a mentally healthy man who is in it for the long haul and married me knowing it’s a lifetime commitment. But even though it’s gone wrong before, I have found love, even being an overweight woman. How did I get past the “initial physical attraction” that people think is so important on the way to love? Could it be that some men DO find a larger body attractive? Could it be that the larger body doesn’t matter as much as some think?

From a 3FC post I made:

I’ve always been fat, and I’ve never had trouble finding a relationship. Keeping them has been an issue, but I do have a healthy marriage now, and I think this one will stick. We’ve hit (and worked through) a rough patch recently, but my psychiatrist tells me that’s a good thing. It tests how strong we are.

Society seems to think that no man wants the fat chick, *just because* she is fat. I don’t think that’s it. Looking back now, even in high school there were boys interested in me. It’s just that I had so little confidence in myself that I assumed any boy who was attracted to me must have a screw loose somewhere, and instead of giving them a chance I pined away for the cute jocks who only dated cheerleaders.

I once met a woman who was morbidly obese and married to a blind man. From the way she carried herself, the facial expression she wore, etc., it was patently obvious that somewhere in her mind was the thought, “You see? Only a blind man would want to marry me.” The marriage didn’t last, and it darned sure didn’t have anything to do with what she looked like!

As for attraction and how it can’t be helped, I don’t quite buy it. A physically cute guy will turn my head, but it takes a lot more than looks to really get me interested. I’d rather have a bulldog-ugly man who treats me well, than a hottie who treats me like dirt, and I’d like to think that any man with an ounce of sense would feel the same way about women.