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Wow, I’m a neglectful blog owner. But I haven’t been making progress, so I haven’t felt inclined to write about it. Perhaps if I were writing about everything, I would be inclined to finish this silly journey and be able to say I reached goal and call myself a success.

I call myself a success anyway. I came damn close to goal, and have maintained for nine months, sort of. I’m actually higher than my lowest weight by about 5 pounds, and I can’t seem to get myself back there, much less getting down the last five pounds either. So here I hover, about 10 pounds over my ultimate goal of the low 140s. Mental block? Perhaps. Laziness? Without a doubt. Don’t get me wrong, I exercise hard, I count calories most of the time, and I practice self discipline, but I don’t seem to be willing to restrict like did before. I’ll go for a number of days, and then I’ll have a big eating and drinking weekend and undo all the hard work of the previous 5 days.

Why don’t I think I’m worth it? Or why don’t I REALLY want to see what my body will look like without a spare tire? I’m still giving my skin time to firm up. There are still some gross, crepe-y areas that ick me out, but I think my body is still reabsorbing. So, the sag, er saga, continues. I am not in a race, and eventually I will lose the rest. Or I won’t. But I won’t put it back on. Nosirree.

Posted by louisah on July 25th, 2011 under Uncategorized | Comment now »

Maintaining (hovering?) with a few pounds to go

Today the scales read 147.8 which is either at goal or a few pounds over, depending on which goal I choose to look at. I think I could stand to lose a little more flab around my belly, but I don’t know if that will translate into many more pounds, since I really need to keep working to firm up, and muscle mass weighs more than fat mass. I’m discovering that by not doing weight training–I’m getting into yoga–I can drop weight, but I might be losing some muscle mass, because my stomach feels flabbier. I’m doing more strenuous yoga now that is really working my muscles, so hopefully the strength training is being covered sufficiently, and hopefully all the core work will eventually firm up my¬† belly.

Essentially, I’m happy where I am and I’m sooo sooo happy with life. I’m loving yoga, I’m enjoying being thin and being comfortable in my clothes and my body, and if anyone reads this thinking “I wish I could get there,” know that you can. Once you know that you can, you will. And you will be sooo happy and you’ll wonder what the hell you were waiting for.

I am moving into maintenance without a plan. I’m eating what I want and am only occasionally counting calories, but I’m eating mindfully, with the consciousness of someone who is trying to lose or maintain their weight. I will never eat with abandon again. Well, not true. I will never continuously eat with abandon. I will allow myself a splurge, then rein it in and eat low-cal to make up for it. I know that “normal” people maintain their weight this way, and I know that I can do it as well, therefore I will.

I know, therefore I am.

Posted by louisah on January 28th, 2011 under Musings | Comment now »

Confessions of a Food Snob

I admit, I am a total food snob. I can’t go out to just any restaurant and eat. I get freaked out at small town family restaurant places and food buffets make me hyperventilate. I can’t believe people still eat that food. I have been eating local, non-processed foods for many years now, and I forget that everyone isn’t eating like me. I don’t have television, so I’m not subjected to the barrage of heinous commercials for fast food and crappy processed food. I am surrounded by people who know and talk about how bad that food is for us (not to mention dreadfully tasteless and horrible), and I don’t even realize that we are a small minority of the world.

We went on a road trip to a wedding in a small midwest town, and ended up eating at a cafe right by the highway–the only restaurant in town, apparently. It was Sunday after church and the entire population was there, scarfing the fried chicken, roasted turkey, fried something or others, canned corn and other freezer-to-fryer specialties. I opted for the salad bar, not even believing that I could be so disappointed in a plate of fresh vegetables.

Crikey Batman, how the hell did I get so spoiled, and why in god’s name do I not remember being able to eat that food? I have vague recollections of epiphanies when I tried my first farm-fresh, free-range egg (not vegetarian or organic because chickens are omnivores, and there’s nothing better than worms or grubs–which can’t be labeled organic–to help give an egg the rich, orange, delicious yolk I have come to expect), or when I ate vegetables grown in naturally-derived nutrient-rich soil, rather than in chemically-enhanced nutrient-depleted soil. And let’s just briefly mention pastured, free-range and grass-fed happy meat versus the tragic industrially-produced meats that pollute the world, as well as our bodies, while humiliating the very existence of the poor animals ensnared in the system. I remember how amazingly bright, and colorful and powerful the flavors were, as if I were on sensory-stimulating drugs.

But I didn’t make the change to eating nothing but fresh, local “real food” overnight, so how is it that I cannot remember food tasting so bland? It was like the Stephen King movie/story The Langoliers, where they pass through a time warp or something to an alternate universe, and although the food looks like a sandwich, it has no flavor and is entirely inedible. I think that even grocery store produce is much better than what this restaurant was serving–pre-cut, pre-packaged everything. Nobody in the kitchen had to do anything more than open a plastic bag. I’ll be there’s not even a sharp knife on premise.

Oftentimes, I feel so encouraged by the progress we’ve made with our local Combined CSA (Community Supported Agriculture), feeding over 400 families local food from over 80 small, local food producers. Then I get eye-openers like this one, and realize that this is the way the vast majority of Americans still eat. Even the simplest to prepare, most healthy foods have been raped of both their nutritional value and their dignity. If you won’t eat a locally raised-tomato for your health, at least do it for the tomato; and for your taste buds. They’ll thank you.

I apologize to anyone who might read this and take offense. None is intended, and I don’t mean to sound condescending or patronizing. But I do feel sorry for anyone who thinks that food tastes good, because even if you don’t know what your missing, your body does. That shit’ll kill you.

Posted by louisah on December 6th, 2010 under Uncategorized | Comment now »

So Close

I’ve been within five or ten pounds of my goal for a while now. I don’t know what weight I will be when my body reaches the sweet spot, but it’s close. I know my body will continue to reabsorb and tighten up, so the number on the scales doesn’t matter so much, but I still have a bit to lose, I know.

I’m just sort of sliding into my maintenance range, becoming lazy with calorie counting, both in terms of measuring food and in counting the calories, which makes me a little nervous, but I only go a day or two per week before getting more strict. I am not anywhere as strict as I was when I started, but I know I’m doing a fair job of estimating amounts at this point. I intend to use the measuring cups and spoons and scales at least a few times per week to make sure my perspective doesn’t shift little by little.

I shopped for clothes on Saturday, and had a fitting room attendant bring me size smalls and 6s and 8s to try on, because she thought I look really small, and she thought the 10s I picked up would be too big. She was right, and I was surprised. No, I don’t wear a size small shirt. I have boobs and do not dress like the youth of today. I can’t stand having buttons gaping at my bust. So I still bought the large, even though it is a tiny bit big in the hips–it’s still tight across the chest, or at least tighter than I generally buy clothes. Or tighter than I USED to generally buy clothes? Hmm.

I’m hoping to be 145 by the end of the year. I was originally hoping to be 145 by July 24th, but the closer I get to goal, the harder time I have sticking to the restrictions. I can’t seem to consume fewer than 1500 calories on a good day. I am exercising religiously so that I can maintain because I want to eat. I want to eat eat eat. And drink. Did I mention I want to drink? T’is the season and I am game. Where’s the party? My only saving grace is that I am total food snob and don’t want to eat tons of processed garbage. Unless it’s in the form of baked goods… Danger Will Robinson, danger!

Posted by louisah on November 30th, 2010 under Musings | 2 Comments »

Working My Butt Off, Quite Literally

I don’t think this is what is meant by working your butt off, but I must have done a few too many sit ups yesterday, and have rubbed off the skin around my tail bone. I felt the rub when I was going (and going and going), but I didn’t realize that I’d actually broken through the skin until I got in the shower and felt the most exquisite stinging around my tail bone. Yikes, it hurts like a bitch and I had to sleep on my side the whole night (I realized, every time I woke up after rolling onto my back). I didn’t exercise today, but did ride my bike around the hood, leisurely. I’m hoping the antibiotic ointment does the trick quickly.

I’m feeling really discouraged with myself on one hand, as I seem incapable of getting below 150, and in fact saw 154.8 on the scales this morning, up yet again, making this month’s low of 151.4, and last month’s freak appearance of 150.6 seem like a distant dream. On the other hand, my overall average weight this month is less than last month’s, so at least I’m maintaining, if not losing. I need to work on a plan for how to regain my willpower. I used to be so diligent about sticking within my calories, and not putting anything into my mouth until I had determined the caloric value and entered it into My Fitness Pal. Now I’m following the Eat now, pay later plan, and I eat up to and beyond my allotted calories nearly every day, even when I work out for a really long time and earn a bunch of extra calories. I’m eating all of them. I have sugar in my system and am not telling myself no.

Right now, I seem to want the food more than the weight loss. But I really do want to get to my ideal body, and see a six pack (at least after I’ve worked it), where I’ve only ever seen flab. I want to keep working hard until my body has reabsorbed the saggy bits–hoping that my nearly 44 years isn’t going to leave me with too much saggy skin–and I want to see what it’s like to have a firm, fit body that I don’t have to be self conscious about in a swim suit. I’m definitely getting close, so why is my brain saying “Good enough, gimme some sweets or cheese or another drink” or whatever is going on. When I started this, I was able to Just Say No to stuff, knowing that if I have a bite, I’ll want more and more. Now, I can’t seem to say no. It could certainly be worse, but I need it to be better! dammit.

Posted by louisah on October 25th, 2010 under Musings, rants | Comment now »

Look What the Cat Dragged In

Oh look, it’s my blog.

Did you miss me or did you not even notice I was gone? For some reason, I just never feel like I have the proper time–and perhaps energy–to put into this blog. Naturally, I want to be witty and entertaining, but when I have the time to write, I feel neither witty nor entertaining. Thus I ignore that which is supposed to keep me accountable for my actions. Interesting…

Interesting because for the past several months, probably for as long as I’ve neglected my blog, I have practically come to a complete halt on my weight loss. I say almost, because the overall trend is still down from the beginning to the end of the month, but the momentum has certainly been lost. This is not a tragedy, as I am within ten pounds of my goal, and at this point, not so worried about the numbers as I am the figure–my figure. I do want to get below the 150s, which I’ve come exceedingly close to doing, but keep hopping around the lower 150’s instead of breaking the barrier.

I seem to sabotage myself three out of seven days, eating and drinking over my calorie allotment. I am continuing to exercise regularly, which is keeping me from gaining, but it’s frustrating for my weight loss, which I still consider to be my priority right now. Actually, it’s fat loss that I am concerned with continuing at this point. Namely, my belly. I am pretty happily firmed, toned and muscled, except for my belly. It’s getting there, but firm, toned and muscled would not be words anyone would use to describe my abs.

I read somewhere that abs are 30% exercise and 70% diet. I was afraid of that. I know I eat too much fat and sugar in my diet. Even if it’s olive oil, nuts and cheese, and primarily fruit, it’s too much fat and sugar to get the six pack, I guess. But I’m going to keep trying, and as we get into the winter season and the holidays, I’m not goin to beat myself up about not getting to my goal. I enjoy food and I enjoy life, and I intend to keep it that way. If it turns out I learn how to maintain during this particularly delicious and risky time of the year, rather than continue to lose, well hallelujah for me.

So here I am, feeling a little bedraggled, but still going. I’m still very positive about my progress, and my future, and I hope you’re all continuing to find the inspiration to keep going.

Posted by louisah on October 20th, 2010 under Musings, rants | Comment now »

Which came first…?

…the weight loss or the accountability?

My goodness, August slipped right by me. I was not very good about my weight loss, and even worse about posting to my blog. I wonder if the lack of accountability contributed to my poor weight loss, or if my poor weight loss contributed to my lack of accountability. Regardless, this month, I need to be more on board with my eating and drinking. My exercise is holding steady and I feel great about that. I like the changes I’m seeing in my body, and the trends the body fat monitor on the scales is showing. All in all, I’m making good progress, I just was hoping to be finished with the losing game and well into establishing my maintenance regime by now.

August saw a 2.4 pound loss, which is great, except that I was shooting for seven pounds, which was a reevaluation because of my inability to stick with a 10 pound loss each month. Any loss is good at all, but this month I really do want to get into the 140s. Right now I’m only 4.3 pounds away, but if this month is anything like last month, it may prove harder than it sounds! At one point last month, I was down 5.6 pounds from the first of the month–I’m still trying to get back to that number.

Posted by louisah on September 2nd, 2010 under Musings | Comment now »

Is This Where I Left My Blog?

I only made two posts last month! I shouldn’t even be allowed to have a blog. It’s funny though, I think about making blog entries. I compose them in my head, and then when I think about actually sitting and writing them, I think “Ugh, boring” or I feel like I don’t have time to spend on it and I just don’t do it.

But I do want to get in the practice of writing more for my sanity and to help me establish my maintenance techniques and practices when I get to that point. I think I’m within 15 pounds, judging by the amount of flab covering my muscles–although I know a bit of it can be taken care of by toning it up and turning it to muscle. I reached 157.6 today. I at first listed 149 as my goal, then 145, and I may be happy at either of those, as long as I get the fat off. I know my body is changing more quickly as I get closer to my goal weight, so I’m just going to keep going with what I’m doing until my body says stop.

Then comes the great unknown: MAINTENANCE. Honest to god, I have never done it. I have never figured out what quantity or caloric intake of food I need to eat to maintain my goal weight. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen my goal weight. I’ve pretty much been overweight my whole life. I’ve lost weight a number of times, but never went all the way to goal and maintenance. I have never been a fad or crash diet kind of person so I haven’t been on the rollercoaster of weight loss either. I’ve always tried to watch what I eat, with little success, I guess, although perhaps I would have been twice as big if I hadn’t.

Someone asked me recently what the point is of getting to my goal weight, if I’m comfortable in my body right now. It was a legitimate question, and a good one, I thought. I am so much more comfortable with myself right now–I don’t feel fat, or like I have to hold my stomach in or worry about flab rolls like I used to, so what’s my reason for wanting to get into the 140s? I determined that it’s because I have never as an adult been at my body’s ideal weight, when it looks and feels it’s best. I may have as a teenager, but didn’t know it then because I was still growing and was always bigger than everyone else I compared myself to.

I’ve never pushed my body to it’s fit self. I am not a competitive athlete type of person. at. all. But I do like to compete with myself, to see what I’m capable of. I always knew that I had a lot of muscle under all that fat, that I would never be a waif, or what anyone might call scrawny, and I think I have a realistic view of what will be right for me. I love my muscles and intend to keep them and define them (not build them), so I am not in search of a number on the scale, just an image in my mind, which happily is getting closer to the image I’m seeing in the mirror. But I really enjoy that sense of accomplishment in seeing the progress toward what I would consider my perfect body, saggy skin and all. I want it to be a work in progress, so that it’s something I stick with forever.

Posted by louisah on August 6th, 2010 under Musings | 2 Comments »

I look like a shar pei

I know my body will eventually reabsorb all this extra skin (or so I hope), but EEEEeeewwww! I am starting to look pretty good with clothes on, having lost over 50 pounds now, but I gotta say, my stomach, boobs, thighs and school teacher arms have some nasty, saggy, wrinkly skin. It’s really cute on a shar pei puppy, but I am not a dog. The loose skin is not always apparent, but in some positions, I gross myself out! Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy as a pig in poo, but I am amazed at what this organ the epidermous is capable of. How in the world does it stretch and grow to cover all the fat in the world? And how long will it take to shrink back to cover my muscles and bones tautly like it’s supposed to?

I have finally gotten below 160, but just barely. I officially missed my July 24th goal of reaching 149. I am ten pounds behind schedule, which I am not too upset about, because I am very pleased and proud of my progress. My arms and legs are looking muscular and defined and people are telling me so. That feels really good. I’m inspiring others to lose weight too, and that also feels really good. Overall, I’m really happy with where I am right now, but I still see the remaining 15 to 20 pounds of fat that either has to go or turn to muscle. I am not concerned with what the scales read as much as I am with how I feel, and I still feel flabby around the stomach, back and butt. But it’s going, and I’ll reach goal soon enough and move right into maintenance.

This post will be sort of all over the place because apparently, I don’t write very often anymore! I started the c25k program with no intention of running a race, only seeing if I can do it. I think I completed week 2 and am ready to start week 3. I actually am liking it sort of. I am liking the intensity and calorie burning. I wish I had enough time in my days to exercise for 2 plus hours like I see some people do. Sometimes I just want to burn a thousand calories a day and get it over with!

I have a number of weekends out of town coming up, and one of them a beer festival we pour beer at every year. Challenges aplenty and I know I will do fine overall, but it’s keeping me from reaching my goal more quickly, when I have to work so hard just to maintain. I know it’s not a race, but I still want to cross the finish line.

Posted by louisah on July 25th, 2010 under Musings | 2 Comments »

And Now For Something Completely Different


So am I… I’m finding this calorie counting to be onerous drudgery. It’s time for me to start memorizing some numbers so I can just plug in calories or something. I don’t even want to cook because it’s such a pain in the arse to plug in the whole recipe and then determine how much of the whole shit-in-a-pan there is versus how much of it I’m eating so I can figure out my calories. I love to cook, or at least I used to. Now everything is about the frickin’ calories. I don’t want the rest of my life to be like this, but I know what happens when I stop making it the focus. I’ve lost and gained this weight before.

So if this is it, I have to find a way to make it less cumbersome and time consuming. I’ve been saying this for a little while now, but have made no effort towards that goal, so I think I will start with breakfast. I pretty much eat the same thing every morning: cappuccino with 3/4 cup raw milk, 1/4 cup homemade granola with 1/4 cup milk and 1/4 to 1/2 c. fruit. The fruit changes seasonally, but the other is fairly consistent, unless I’m saving up calories for a big dinner or drinking. So I’ll memorize the calories in all the things I eat consistently starting with breakfast and then move on to the other items in my day. There are certainly favorites and fallbacks, mostly because attempting to log calories in stuff other people make is nutition info is available for. That’s okay I’ll take my benefits over that benefit.

I know that I have to be diligent about counting everything I eat in order for this to work for me. I just wish it were faster and easier than My Fitness Pal makes it. I’ve looked at a number of the other online calorie counters, and I’d still choose this one, because they all seem to have their weak areas, and this one works for me. I just need to increase my efficiencies, as it were.

I’m very happy with my exercise habits, and I started the C25K yesterday, with no intention of actually becoming a runner, or even finishing the program. I just wanted to use my treadmill again, since it’s been forever and my DH was ready to make it go away. I think I’ll keep going with it for at least week one, and see what happens. I’m doing a bunch of Zumba off You Tube, and it’s fun and a really good workout. I’m doing Circuit Training at least three days a week, and aerobic/cardio the rest. I’m trying not to skip more than one day per week, and really I don’t want to skip any because it means I don’t get to eat as much. I just don’t think I can get by with only 1200 calories in a day.

I sabotaged my good work last Saturday with a Bagna Cauda Dance Party (BCDP). Fun, food, family, foot-loose festivity, and free-flowing booze. I consumed far less than I used to pre-weight loss, and I burned off lots of calories dancing for at least 90 minutes, so when I consider the damage I used to do compared to this, I’m utterly appalled. But still, I was up 2.2 pounds on Sunday, and back down 1.4 today, but still up to where I started out the month, 165.2. I ate well for the past two days, so hopefully I’ll be back down tomorrow. It seems about twice a week, there’s an event or dinner that sabotages my loss. I know this is what maintenance looks like, but I still have about 20-25 pounds to go before I reach maintenance weight. Dammit.

Anyone else have a trusty, simple method for keeping track of their food? I seem to have trouble memorizing the numbers–too many other numbers I have to keep in my timy little brain with my work…

Posted by louisah on July 5th, 2010 under Musings, rants | Comment now »

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