yesterday didnt go well, sort of binge?

I really tanked an important test I studied hours for.  I made me so mad and sad that my first instinct was to demand my husband drive me to Mcdonalds for a big mac extra large, extra value meal - a total binge-fest in the making.

but we didn’t have any money on us………..

so I ranted and screamed about that, and came home and threw more fit, stomping into the kitchen to see what I could binge on there, - mostly healthy foods sadly. I thought about several things that would be bad for me and just be all about my bad day.  My I kept having this thought “I feel bad, I don’t really want my tummy to hurt on top of it”

I ended up eating some chicken wings, strawberries and dark chocolate.  All things I allow myself - just a little bit more?  I don’t know how I feel about that.

My therapist has recommended a nutritionist to deal with my eating issues and I think I agree with her - I guess I will look into it today.

Ongoing problems I am working on:
Still not sleeping, bone pain when I walk or press on bones - not liking that.  scalp infection is still out of control, working on that.  Skin is really dry, like cracked and hurting dry.  Still to fat to sleep laying down for any length of time - makes my hips and chest hurt.  Sugar is a problem - I feel like it is gonna be a real fight to get that down further, so that is on hold. I have a stupid hair cut.

What I am doing:
Still Intermittent Fasting (IF) - that is getting easier.  No gluten is going pretty good, as is low grains.  Taking an anti-fungal right now, introducing pro-biotics, one or two at a time.  Getting a decent amount of greens - considering (for the first time ever!) a more plant based life style, weird.

What’s going well:
I feel like I have lost some weight, not enough to look very different - mostly my tummy fat just looks more floppy - less solid and not a large at the edges.  I keep bugging my hubby about does it look different - it’s driving him nuts. Part of me wants to know, and part of me is afraid of it not being a number that will make me happy.  There is no reason for it to be a very large number yet - I haven’t changed that much, so I will keep working.

My GERD is mostly gone.  MY ANKLES ARE BACK.  that may be a silly thing to some people - but I have always had regular people ankles.  Last year I started to get fat, swollen cankles and that made me SAD.  yesterday i noticed they are ankles again, yeah!

(ok - this part will be gross)  - My incontinence is almost completely gone! I had urinary and occasional fecal, which is super gross - but my IBS was so bad and my fat was squishing all my organs that any pressure (like a sneeze, cough or stretch) cause issue.  It was humiliating!  If nothing else - that is a blessing.  My sinus infection is also much better.

I can eat veg with very little discomfort.  Just a month ago, I was on the BRATTY diet as it was the only thing my tummy could tolerate - but now I can eat all fruits and lots of green veg - no diarrhea and no constipation ( that was soooooooo painful)

ok, enough for now

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