today was humiliating

today was humiliating.  I had to run for the bus, just a block and apparently I can’t even run a step or to……..
It was awful.  people teased me and then complained that I smelled because I was sweaty when I finally got the bus.  I hate people, I hate the world, I hate being this [...]

getting bogged down in the mental

I am stuck in my progress for getting a job because of my seizure disorder - I need to get a medical clearance.  I wish I had just lied and not brought it up.
It’s consuming my thoughts, paralyzing me and making me forget it is just part of the picture.  I am SOOOOOOOOO UPSET and [...]

a challenging day

got a lot of sleep last night and that is good, all though I am craving more and may have to nap (it’s a holiday - memorial day) TOM is kicking my butt.  Also very dehydrated, and that is weird, need to work on that today.  Weigh in went good 310 is [...]

I am soooooooo tired today, TOM?

I have no idea what is going on with my body.  I am exhausted.  I took a couple days off exercise for my back, I ate a lot, but within plan last night and today.  But I just can’t wake up and don’t know what is going on…
This next part is probably TMI and relates [...]

another problem derailed me today

when I am stressed out, I often let a problem stop me in my tracks. Today, forgetting that I had a drug test on tues, I had poppy seed dressing on my salad and I was so mad myself I let it pretty much make me say fuck it for the rest of the [...]

my back is killing me!

the first of the exercise related injuries is here! my back is killing me this morning. I will need to take it easy, I guess I pushed it to far to fast. If I can’t get past this back ache it is going to be an especially rough day.

walked 2 miles!

Walked to McDonald’s with the family and dog today to have lunch and I had a salad. I am pleased I am working on a no binge weekend and not eating my sad away. I guess I was just ready to make that change. I really am a one thing at a [...]

last night was a bit better

I had a big dinner with some meat (chicken) some dairy (cream and tomato based sauce) and some grain (white rice) and very few veg (just the tomatoes in the sauce and some grilled onions with the kabab) It was a big meal, very filling and that was ok, because I had missed lunch running [...]

today was awful

Today was awful.  I barely slept last, even with sleeping pills.  I could tell the interview went badly - so even if I get into the training program, that is one job I won’t be getting.  At the background check for the training didn’t have my social security card and they wouldn’t accept any alternatives [...]

for some reason I am quite hungry -

I don’t know what is going on….
the diet soda maybe, I don’t drink much but we ate out tonight.  Could have been teriyaki chicken - that’s pretty sweet, blood sugar changes maybe.  Dunno, gonna try to ride it out, bummer though.