Gonna be MIA foor a couple days, moving stuff is getting crazy and will have to take comp down and internet wont be on in new place till next week - so see you then
Posted on October 28th, 2009 by lostbutstilltrying
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I really pushed as hard as I could today to make up for this weekend, and I was 299 at weigh in time! My first goal met!!!! yeah!!!! first mini goal met!!!!
truthfully I am torn, I feel happy and also like its some how wrong or fake……. weird huh? I guess if I keep going with this it will start to feel like its really happening! but for now, yeah me!
Posted on October 26th, 2009 by lostbutstilltrying
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Day 34
update, its been an interesting weekend, but now its time to buckle down again, weigh in tonight
no goals yet
DH threw out his back picking us up at the Girlscout Hayride…. so this weekend has been me caring for him and trying to accelerate the packing process on my own… it has not been my best weekend….. I did ok through the day, but ended up bingeing late last night (as I sat alone, hiding in living room after others went to bed) on ice cream bars and lasagna - oh well, I can’t undo it…… just need to buckle down and get back on target
Posted on October 26th, 2009 by lostbutstilltrying
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was at a girlscout hayride/bonfire yesterday - just took it off as a cheat day, there was no access to food that I could really control so I just went ahead and ate hotdogs on buns and smores - not gonna worry about it, I read that people who make large weight loss a lifestyle change have “cheat” days every now and then
Posted on October 25th, 2009 by lostbutstilltrying
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Day 31
update: didn’t have the urge to binge yesterday, feeling more positive
no goals today, haven’t been meeting them, time to re-evaluate
I have been really struggling with this incredible urge to eat and binge lately, its all I think about…. I have been really negatively focused because I feel like such a bad person, for having these obsessive thoughts, for thinking about hiding and stealing food, for giving in….
I tried every recommendation I could get my hands on - more protein, more fiber, etc.. and they all helped but I was going nuts! Every moment of the day was spent thinking about food, planning how to get food! It was so unnerving that I finally just decided to “give in” (of sorts) - no more trying to sort out if its mental hunger or physical hunger or a craving or what ever… I decided to stuff myself with foods within my plan (and a little bit of stuff outside it) up to the calorie limit……. so tons of high bulk foods…. popcorn, cabbage, bananas, peppers, whatever, and my 8 glasses of water a day too….. it helped thursday, and I did it all day yesterday….. stuffed myself till I started feeling uncomfortably full…. and NOT A SINGLE OBSESSIVE BINGE THOUGHT ALL DAY, I even had a couple of bites of my favorite chocolate molten cake from applebee’s……
I’m feeling more positive today, and that’s a big thing for me - its been a while because I’ve been down on myself for all my dieting “failures” because this binge cycle has been obsessing me
I am gonna try this for awhile, spend less time worrying about whether or not I should eat… I don’t know where the path I am stepping down leads, I admit it - my midsection feels weird! there is so much food in it! Maybe this will lead to a stretched out stomach and weight gain, maybe I will continue to lose at a slow pace…. don’t know - I just know that I am feeling happier and less obsessive (although I sure have to pee alot!) so I am gonna listen to my body for awhile and eat……. good luck me!
Posted on October 24th, 2009 by lostbutstilltrying
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Day 30
update: another day where I didn’t meet my goals - sigh-
Goal 1: do Yoga
Goal 2: drink 5 glasses of water
total calories goal: 1,800
I’m starting to wonder if I can do this…. I know its not motivation, but long term commitment that loses weight, and the reason I never have is that even when I am succeeding I give up after awhile, and that I can’t do that this time…… but still - I’m starting to have doubts, I just keep not meeting my goals…….
I am continuing with the ‘feed’ the binge idea - going to eat a big healthy portion when I start obsessing about food, I got closer to goal last night and didn’t really binge, so we’ll see how starting it earlier in the day goes
also with the Yoga, I have been waiting to do it in the evening (and not doing it) maybe I need to do it earlier in the day like I do with dog walking - we’ll try that today
Posted on October 23rd, 2009 by lostbutstilltrying
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Day 29
update: broke down last night, need to find a way to deal with late night munchies
Goal 1: do Yoga
Goal 2: drink 5 glasses of water
total calories goal: 1,800
Didn’t make any of my goals last night. Started bingeing again 
- only 2 days without bingeing - WHY CAN’T I GET A HANDLE ON THIS!!! I am so frustrated! DH had to pull food out of my hands to make it stop ….. I’m so embarrassed! I don’t know how to deal with this late night food obsession…
Posted on October 22nd, 2009 by lostbutstilltrying
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Day 28
update: things are getting back on track, starting on Yoga
Goal 1: do Yoga
Goal 2: drink 5 glasses of water
total calories goal: 1,800
After nearly a week of sitting on my butt with the flu, its hard to get back into the swing of walking the dog a mile. I have definetly slowed down. But at least I did it…. I also put in the Yoga tape last night, couldn’t do any of the moves and only had it on for a few minutes before I’d had enough, but it’s a start!
I think I am starting to feel a tiny little hint of hope, its not big yet - but I feel like I am starting to look a little different. I have been looking at my stomach in the mirror and it seems like it doesn’t stick out quite as far. I will be so excited for the day my boobs stick out further!
I am NOT ready to tell anyone outside my DH & DD that I am on a diet - I am tired of their constant asking me about my weight, and my constant previous failures being commented on! In fact I have this weird day dream where they ask me if I lost weight and I just keep lying to them and telling them no…. strange huh? Its just that I’m tired of their crap about my weight and I am definetly not secure enough for their harsh scrutiny.
Posted on October 21st, 2009 by lostbutstilltrying
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update: just did 5 @!@#@! minutes of Yoga! owie owie owie!
Posted on October 20th, 2009 by lostbutstilltrying
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Day 27
update, going to change up goals a little
Goal 1: do Yoga
Goal 2: drink 5 glasses of water
total calories goal: 1,800
Pulling myself together after a bad weekend. I really want to reach my first goal, it would really feel like a step in the right direction. Now my whole family has joined me in trying to lose weight, so I am hoping that it encourages healthy habits for me too. Harder to justify having cupcakes around the house if nobody is eating them…. In honour of my new attitude, I am trying for a couple slimmed down new goals - I have been saying I was going to do Yoga, but not making time, now I’m gonna have it as a goal.
As always, busy, busy,busy packing to move - even job hunting is on the back burner. My overall goal for this week is two steps forward, no steps back
Posted on October 20th, 2009 by lostbutstilltrying
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