Loosing Baby Fat

Going on Down…

So I’m out of the 180’s.  Ok, so I started out at 180.5, so it didn’t take much!  However, I’m now at 179 after only 5 days.  I’ve been in the 170’s recently though and stopped caring and went back up to 180.5.  I need to not allow that to happen again.  So now I’m in the 170’s, albeit HIGH 170’s.  I haven’t been in the 160’s in  YEARS.  I got there the Summer before I got pregnant w/ baby #4 (who is 3 now).  I got to 169.  That’s the lowest I had been since getting pregnant for baby #1 in 2000.  So I’d really like to be in the 160’s at least by our tenth anniversary (which is in March).  I have a goal. I have a plan.  I just need to stay committed.

P.S. I HATE dieting. I HATE having to think about every bite that goes into my mouth.  I HATE that I cannot sip eggnog or munch on Christmas goodies w/out knowing the consequences will make me really regret it.

Hopping on the wagon

I have to admit for all my talking (i.e. whining) about weight I haven’t done much to help it out.  In fact I’ve been worse than ever.  It’s a snowball affect for me.  I hate the way I look. I get depressed by it.  I eat because I’m depressed. Then I feel awful about myself. I eat because I hate it. Then I hate the way I look (and feel!!) and it just continues on in  a bad pattern.  I need to break the cycle and move on… it needs to stop!

So I decided to try WW at home again.  I already have the book and points slider, so I figured why not?  I might as well.  I like what someone on 3FatChicks suggested to me: be committed, not motivated.  That’s what I need to see it as… If I wait til I feel motivated or find motivation I will only continue to gain until then.  IF I commit myself to it it will help.  Different mindset I guess.

DH & I challenged each other as well.  We’re going to see who looses the most weight by Christmas.  Whoever wins receives a full massage from whoever looses.  We’ll see what happens…

Struggle, Struggle, Struggle

As I’m typing this “The Biggest Loser” is playing in another browser window.  I’m listening to Eric talking about how he packed the lbs back on.  He was season 3 winner & had lost a TON of weight… and now packed it all back on.  He said “I keep saying I’ll start tomorrow, but never do and the tomorrows keep getting away” ( I paraphrased)  That is EXACTLY how I’m feeling. I do the same thing every. Single. Day. I say “tomorrow I’ll drink my water” or “Tomorrow I’ll exercise” or “tomorrow I’ll stick w/ eating healthy.”  I don’t… and I KNOW I will pack on the lbs if I do this.  I need to stop… I need to just do it.  I need to do this for myself…  the one thing I can do for myself that won’t take much time away from my family… I need to do this.

It’s SUCH a struggle tho!!!  ARGH!!!

Day 2

Today was easy.  On the days I’m out of the house I do the best.  I don’t have to fight the urge to snack because I have no snacks on me.  I was at my Moms, but I won’t raid her cupboards like I do my own.  So today was easy. No emotional garbage. No stress eating.  Nothing…  tho they had ice cream for dessert & w/out even thinking I had some.  Not much tho… And no eating after dinner… which is good for me!  So all in all a good day on the diet front.  I could have had more water to drink… I could have exercised… but little by little…step by step.

Food Intake:

Bfast ~ 1 banana nut muffin, coffee

Lunch ~ Tomato/Basil Wrap, 1 T. hommus, 6 slivers of chicken breast lunch meat, 1 oz. cheddar cheese & then  a fruit salad I had made for the children.  It consisted of 1 apple, 1 banana, 1 orange about 1/4 C. blueberry yogurt.  I split it between 4 children & myself, so not much.

Dinner ~ Pot Roast at Moms w/ roasted veggies & 2 biscuits.  1 C. ice cream for dessert.

That’s it.. not too bad…  hopefully tomorrow will go well.

Frustrated With Myself

I’m sure this is a very common topic with those of us who feel the need to loose weight.  Frustration with the way we look, how we got here, how awful we feel and with how often we fail as we begin the journey to a healthier body.

My overall feeling of wellness both physically and mentally is my main reason for wanting to loose weight.  Sure, I want to look good… but mostly I want to FEEL good about myself.  My biggest obstacle is myself though. 

Every evening I go to bed feeling awful. I think “Tomorrow I’ll get my 8 glasses of water in” or “Tomorrow I’ll eat within my calories and not over.” or “Tomorrow I’ll get in exercise”.  Most nights I’m thinking all 3 of those things… The morning comes and I’m gung-ho!  I can DO this!  By later afternoon/evening, all my resolve is gone. I am stressed, tired, worn out, frustrated… whatever it may be… and so I eat. 

Does eating help? No.  Does eating resolve any of the issues I’m dealing with? No.  Does eating comfort me? No.

Does eating make things worse? Yes.

So why continue this pattern day after day?  I don’t know… I cannot tell you an answer right now.  I’m not sure where it comes from, why the resovle dissolves so easily or why I even turn to food for comfort.  I’m sure Jillian Michaels (yes, I watch Biggest Loser) would drive me to my breaking points with exercise.  I hate exercise…. yet it feels so good to do it.  Weight Watchers would have me believe all I need to do is count points and I’ll feel better. But that doesn’t answer the question… WHY do I do this? 

Something needs to give.  I need more motivation. I need commitment. I need an easy to follow plan because, frankly, I do not have the time to dwell on this right now.  But I need the change…. so I’m here. Blogging a blog no one will read save for a few who may stumble upon it accidentally…

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