The original reason why I disappeared was because school started back for me and for my kids so the past few weeks have been CRAZY-busy!!!!

And….I have failed.  I have fallen off the wagon big time.  I don’t know why I do this.

I think that my latest reason for failing happened when I made some bad choices when I had friends in town.  My thought process was that because it had been SO easy for me to eat “clean” then that meant that I had my cravings under control.

WRONG!!!

If you’ve seen or read Twilight….it reminded me of when the vampires talk about even the scent of human blood causing a feeding frenzy.  It’s like I haven’t been able to resist any sugar or carb that is put in my way for the past few weeks.  And that all started that weekend that friends were here.  It’s not their fault, at all! I was the one who made the poor decisions.  Not only that, but I’ve consciously made the decision to keep putting that stuff in my mouth.

So, conclusion is that even though clean eating was coming so easy to me, it doesn’t mean that I was in any way ready to allow myself any junk.

I honestly forgot to weigh-in this past Friday.  So…back on the wagon I go…

My love and I took my kids roller skating this past weekend.  My son loved it!  He had never been, and so he kept falling.  There were a few times that he started crying, but even through his tears of pain he looked at me and said “I’m gonna get up and keep going, never give up!”

Such smart words for a 6 year old.  And they are words that I need to repeat to myself every. single. day!

I’m gonna get up and keep going, never give up!

Yep. You’re not imagining things. That’s a 2.5 pound loss this past week. I’m floored actually. After the weekend that I had, topped off with my special purpose being here I was expecting things to stay pretty even with last weeks weigh in. So - I’m already past my goal for Aug 26. Hmmm…I do know that my goal is to be in the 180’s by kick-off of college football!!!!

So, I have decided that I am going to stay on this food “reboot” until I reach the low 180’s.  That’s 10 pounds away and I feel that that gives me the push I need to really seal the deal on my food cravings.  I realize that could still be over a month - and I’m ok with that.

I’m hoping to start a work out routine once my kids start back to school.  I also start back to school next week. My life is going to go back to super-busy - so I’m hoping that that doesn’t hurt this journey.

I do need to report that, although I knew that over the weekend I was going to allow myself a couple of “cheats”, I failed.  I wouldn’t say that I failed miserably - but failure is still failure.

I will say that I ate CLEAN up to the time they got here and even when they got here (we were hungry on the way to the condo so we went to Taco Bell.  I got an order of pintos & cheese minus the cheese and sauce (basically just beans) and 2 fresco chicken soft tacos with no cheese (and I only ate the filling and not the shells).

BUT, instead of just allowing myself one bad meal - I made a lot of mistakes at several meals over the course of 24 hours.  Granted, I don’t think I’ve set myself back to square one weight-wise, but it’s enough that the next couple of days are going to be a struggle getting back on track.

My special purpose came a day early, so hopefully the bloat from that will be completely gone by Friday.  We shall see!

AND, my kids start school on Thursday.  My sister and I have already talked about starting a work out routine then.  That would help me tremendously!

WHEW!

(and I’ve changed my ticker in honor of football season starting up!! WOOT!)

I knew that my special purpose was supposed to come this past Sunday, so I took my average weights for the week to come up with my weight loss for the week.  Boy am I glad I did.  My special purpose came on Saturday morning meaning that the bloat was here starting a couple of days before “weigh in”.

So. My average weight was 194.9. I can handle that on a bloat week. Here’s hoping that this friday will be more kind…

NOTE I have changed my next mini-goal to 193 (by August 26).  I figure that after this past weekend (see post titled “weekend update”) that will give me a push to realllllly watch what I eat the next couple of weeks.

This morning, we had a breakfast engagement with 13 members of my family to honor 2 of their birthdays.  Of all things we ate at my favorite Belgian waffle place here in town.  Their waffles are literally THE best waffles I’ve ever had in my life!!!! As are their eggs benedict & hashbrowns…etc.  You get the idea. So I was a little worried about going there. Especially being around my family who all LOVE to eat, it’d be so easy for me to just sneak in a waffle and an eggs benedict and a large cup of coffee with sugar & creamer.

However, I made a plan before we even went in to the restaurant to look at the omelets.

So, we got in the restaurant. I opened the menu and I refused to even look at the waffles or any other food items (including reading the descriptions) and I found the omelets.  Good news?  I can use egg whites! SCORE!

So, I ordered an omelet made with 1 egg and the rest egg whites, mushrooms, ham & onion.  And I found myself blurting out “no hashbrowns or toast” before I could stop myself.  What was that?  My brain was making conscious decisions without the help from my stomach!!! THIS is what I’ve been waiting for!!!!

Might I also add, that the omelet that I ordered was FANTASTIC!!!!  I enjoyed every bite of it!

SUCCESS!!!!!

AND, pausing here to say that I think that pre-TOM bloat is here!

Yesterday’s weight was 194.8, today it’s 195.6.

I can do this, I can get through TOM without feeling depressed or discouraged about my weight going up.

I will have to say that today I struggled a little.  My dinner was way bigger than it should have been (baked pork chop, homemade guacamole & a sweet potato). Delicious - but I should have watched my portions.

Also, this morning my weigh-in was 195.0 - up from yesterday and no reason why it should have been….except for ….dun dun dun…TOM!!!!

Sure enough my breasticles have started doing their hurting thing (that typically comes 3-5 days pre-period) and that only means that my pre-TOM bloat has begun.

So, this is the point where I fight the discouragement that will come if I don’t see a loss this Friday.  You all have to help me!

Here’s to 2 weeks and 1 day!!!!!!

Today went pretty smooth.  Had my normal breakfast of 1 egg, 1 egg white & low calorie toast.  I’ve really grown to love that breakfast.  I look forward to it.  Lunch was left over chicken tikka masala….(and I need to tell you that the love I feel for that particular dish is probably unhealthy all on it’s own.  BUT at least I’ve found a super-duper healthy version to make!).  Dinner was tilapia and a salad.  Snacks of turkey pepperoni & bananas filled in the gaps.

This morning’s weigh in was 194.4. (for those following along; I normally weigh in just once a week - but this weeks weigh-in will be hampered by pre-TOM bloat, so I’m weighing in every day and then taking the average for the week for my weigh-in.)

Today was a fairly easy day (up to tonight) as far as cravings go. I did weigh myself this morning…

……easy there.  There’s a method to my madness.

My next weigh-in - TOM (time of the month) will be here.  And I typically will see a 2-3 pound increase around that time.  So, for this week only I have decided to weigh myself every morning up until weigh-in day.  Then I’m going to add them all up and take the average weight from this coming week as my weigh-in total.  This way, I won’t be down 3 pounds the day before weigh-in and then up 3 pounds (breaking even) the day of and have to fight off the depression from that.

So, this morning - 194.2 (I KNEW it’d be at least a pound less than my “offical” weigh-in yesterday as after my weigh-in yesterday - my colon decided to kick in…mmmm TMI!)…lol.  So. yeah.

Here’s to tomorrow!

Let me tell you exactly how that plays with ones emotions and makes me want to dive, face-first, into a vat of chocolate!!!  See, this is my oldest brother.  He’s about 12 years older than me.  I’m the baby of the family.  I have always looked up to him and of all my siblings, he’s always been the most protective of me.  So - to have him stand by while his wife calls me ignorant, rude & immature…I’m not gonna lie when I say it feels like a knife in my heart.

I’m not sure if this is something that could ever be fixed.  It’s certainly difficult.  And I have cried about a bazillion tears about it already.

One thing we’ve (my mom, sister & I) vowed to do was to give it to God and then LEAVE it with God (not take it back on our shoulders).  I did nothing to warrant a such a reaction from them.  And the more that we all sit around and talk about it the worse it makes it (venting is one thing - making it a constant current topic is toxic).  So, we had completely dropped it two days ago…and then I got the voicemail tonight of my brother telling me to forget I’m his brother.  So, I’m once again giving it to God and not letting it come back and sit on my shoulders (or make me sway from my clean eating)

Let’s top that bit of news with my sweetheart being admitted to the hospital today with chest pains, tingly left arm & pains in his jaw.  (tell me that’s not scary!!!).  They’re keeping him overnight for observation - but as of now, they’ve found no reason for it.

I did eat Chicken Tikka Masala tonight.  But….hold on before you start throwing things at me….it was completely healthy!!!!

I used all the spices & chicken tenderloins

Added about 1/3 cup of tomatoes/juice

and 1/4 cup milk (1% milk - my dairy for the day)

and while it didn’t taste completely like the chicken tikka from my favoritest Indian restaurant, it still tasted pretty amazing.  Amazing enough that I will definitely be making it again.  I ate it with brown basamati rice & a whole wheat pita (in place of the naan).

OH…and…hahahaahhaah….just to show you God has a sense of humor,

I was cleaning my room (I am spring cleaning in the summer).  I was going through a box when I found an unopened easter chocolate.  But I laughed because it’s in the shape of praying hands and says “hear my prayers”.  There is NO way I could eat that knowing that I have been praying for God to help me to resist my cravings…. I actually chuckled out loud as I was throwing it away….

All in all one of the more emotionally draining days I’ve had in a while - but I passed the test of no emotional eating.  So - that was a good thing.